Page 81 of Rat

Rory nodded.

“But running until you almost pass out is not a healthy way of coping.”

“I wasn’t—”

“You were.”

“It…it felt good.”

Sebastian removed his hand. “Why?”

“Because I couldn’t think of anything else.”

With his legs pounding the machine, he’d been unable to think about betraying Ollie’s trust, and the pain at seeing Captain spiralling, the longing to speak to Erica, the one person in his life who knew and loved him, the deep feeling of failure when he spoke to Hamish and Sebastian… He’d blissfully been unable to think of Sebastian.

The very man stood right in front of him, enquiring about his well-being, the one Rory was trying to bring down. He was the most confusing thing of all.

Rory liked him, and lusted for him, but he was a villain, a danger to society.

While he was punishing himself, he’d been in his own bubble of pain and exertion, numbing him to everything else, and it had felt great, even when he’d begun to feel dizzy.

“It’s like when you—” He caught himself, unwilling to go further. They never spoke about what he and Sebastian got up to in the dead of the night. Some days Rory almost convinced himself it didn’t happen. Sebastian hadn’t trained him to get hard and didn’t stand at the side of the bed and watch him orgasm. It was some messed-up fantasy to do with stress.

“Like when I?” Sebastian pressed.

“When you take control.” Rory swallowed. “When you touch me while I touch myself. I can only think of you and my need to come. It’s not just a release; it’s an escape too. It’s just you, and it’s just me in those moments, nothing else.”

Sebastian nipped his lip. “It feels like that for me too. When I’m watching you, you’re all I can think of. It’s like the world stops for a moment and only resumes again once you’re coming across your chest.”

“I want…” Rory trailed off, shaking his head.

“What do you want?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“How do you know you can’t have it if you don’t ask?”

Rory swallowed. “I know I shouldn’t have it. That’s the problem. It’s a bad idea. What I want is a bad idea.”

Sebastian snorted. “What is it you want, Rory?”

“More.”

“More?”

“I want your hands all over me. I want you to touch me properly, bring me to orgasm with your fist, and I want to be able to touch you back. I want to use my mouth on you and make you come.”

“That’s quite a list.”

“I want you to tell me what you like, what you want me to do to you, and I want you to tell me what I’m allowed and what I have to do to get it.”

Sebastian stepped back. His gaze lowered. “You’re right when you said it’s a bad idea.”

Rory’s shoulders dropped. “I know—”

“But I’ve been here sixteen years, and my resolve isn’t what it once was, and if a pretty thing like you asks if he can use his mouth on me so we can both zone out for a while, it’s doubtful I’ll say no.”

Rory blinked. “What?”

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