Page 69 of Bossy Hero

He swallows, the movement in his neck catching my notice. “Is this going to be a regular thing?”

“Iswhatgoing to be a regular thing?”

Irritation wafts from him to me. “You. Dating.”

My head rears back at his clipped tone, and guilt burns my response off my tongue. I want to explain to him why I finally caved to Joe’s incessant badgering. I want to tell Alan to move on. That I’m sorry for not being what he needs. And even more sorry I didn’t tell him myself, and he found out this way.

I can’t say anything, though. The words just don’t come.

Because I’m scared of what he’ll do if I tell him the truth. I don’t want to anger him or hurt him. Especially when he’s already upset over finding me with another man.

Truth is, I’m scared. On so many levels.

And I keep making stupid mistakes because I’m hiding. In plain sight, but hiding nonetheless.

Faced with Alan now, I see it clearly—going out with another man was another attempt to hide from him. From the way I feel about him. And the danger he poses. Not a physical one, but the fear of losing myself and how vulnerable I’d have to become to love him the way he deserves.

“Jesus. Fuck,” he mutters gruffly, misunderstanding my non-response.

After a slight shake of his head, he intensifies his gaze, reaffixing it on me.

I nearly melt into a puddle.

“Maddie, you don’t need to settle for some piece of shit who doesn’t know what the wordnomeans. If you want to go out, I’ll take you out.”

After that declaration and the myriad of emotions I’m buried in, an unrestrained laugh breaks free in a flourish. I bend slightly at the waist, and my jaw unhinges as an unladylike guffaw escapes me.

Something resembling amusement dances behind his eyes as I cackle away in the parking lot like I’ve lost my marbles.

And I think I have.

With good reason, though. From the frightening situation with Joe to Alan’s sudden appearance and the guilt I’m festering over this stupiddate... I’ve finally snapped.

Once I’ve gathered my composure enough to speak, I choke out, “Was that your version of asking me on a date?” My hilarity renews with another round of chuckles.

Reluctantly, he joins in.

By the time we’ve stopped laughing, he’s somehow back in my space bubble. Or perhaps I’m in his.

Our breaths come heavy as we linger in the moment, neither of us making a move to pull away. I want to fling myself around him and offer my lips for a kiss. It’s getting harder to hold back the longer he looks at me.

Why am I fighting this?

Oh yeah.

I don’t deserve this man.

And I damn sure don’t deserve a happy ending.

After inhaling a steadying breath, I blink to clear the haze. “Well, I’m gonna head home now.”

Alan wears his disappointment well. Aside from the tic of his jaw, I can barely tell he’s sad to see me go.

Yet Icantell. And it hurts.

Tomorrow, I’ll text him and tell him to move on. Or send an email for old times’ sake. This hope forsomedayhas gone on long enough. How I’ve treated him is so far beyond unfair that I’ll never be able to make it right.

But I can’t drag this out anymore.

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