Page 55 of Bossy Hero

Which is what we are, I suppose.

Yet she came to see me this morning. And I hate how much that means to me.

She releases a tight sigh. “I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t need any more lingering regrets in my life.”

Hope threatens to escape the mental box I’ve locked it in, but I keep a firm grip on the metaphorical key. It’s too risky to think that maybesomedayis here. She was clear last night.

Crystal fucking clear.

No chance she changed her mind this quickly.

Although I’m itching to speak, I don’t. I’m letting her lead this conversation. I’ve put myself out there enough. It’s her turn.

“Which airline?” she asks, pointing one finger at the sign with the airline logos on it.

“Maddie, there’s only one entrance to this tiny airport. I appreciate the attempt at delaying whatever you want to say.”

Exhaling forcefully, she flaps her lips with a flutter of air. “Fine. You caught me. Let me park first, okay?”

“Whatever you want. I’m just along for the ride.”

She pulls up to the passenger drop-off zone and throws it in park. I don’t move other than glancing over my shoulder to see if anyone is behind us. This place is practically a ghost town. Such a tiny airport. I have to take a puddle jumper to get to a bigger airport to get back to Tampa.

Worth the traveling hassle to see her, though. Even if it didn’t go how I wanted it to. From her body language, I don’t think it’ll end much better today than it did last night.

Her hands are cast into fists, and she’s closed her eyes tightly. There’s a click in her jaw too.

It’s eating me up to see her so conflicted.

After I take off my seat belt, I rub her shoulder. “Fuck, Maddie. Just say whatever you’re gonna say. I can take it.”

She starts and stops herself three times.

“I just...”

Pause.

“I mean...”

Another pause, longer and tenser this time.

“I don’t want you to...”

The seconds tick by, each one cutting deeper into my chest.

Attempting to salvage what’s left of my pride, I take the reins. “Maddie, it’s okay. You don’t have to say the words. I get it. I’ll stop asking for someday. It’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up over it. No hard feelings. We can still be friends. Or not. Whatever you want.”

She averts her eyes toward the windshield, dragging both palms over her face. “That’s not it.” A big shake of her head, then she repeats it louder and more emphatically. “That’s not it. That’snotwhat I want.”

Stay in the fucking box, hope.

“What do you want then?” I whisper, a slight tremble in my voice. “Hell, do you even know what you want?”

When her hands fall to her lap, her eyes burn into mine. “I know exactly what I want, but I also know I can’t have it. I’m not strong enough yet. Do you understand what I mean?”

I nod because even though she isn’t saying the words outright, I get her meaning.

No matter how much she wants me, she thinks she can’t have me. As if she needs to be a different version of herself to be worthy of my love.

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