Page 81 of Did You See Evie

I don’t attempt to respond. The damage done to our friendship will take a lot more to mend than one thank you. Exhaling in frustration, I turn around and walk back inside the school building, gearing up for my meeting with Mr. Lake.

FORTY-ONE

Even after all these years, it doesn’t feel right arguing with Nadia. I believe she’s a liability. I believe she’s made a series of choices to bring her where she is today. And yet, I can’t stop thinking about the choice we made as teens, and everything that followed after.

I remember sitting in the hospital waiting room. The place was cold and sterile, a constant murmur from the vending machine in the corner. Police officers kept walking up and down the hallways, making small talk as they sipped from their Styrofoam coffee cups. More than once, I ran to the bathroom, thinking I might throw up, but there wasn’t enough of anything inside me to come out. All I kept thinking about was what Nadia and I had done to my father’s liquor stash. I was responsible…

“Hey.” Coach Phillips squeezed my shoulder. He’d stayed with me the entire time I was at the hospital, refusing to leave my side. “Everything is going to be okay.”

I couldn’t speak. My throat felt raw every time I tried. My guilty conscience urged me to tell someone my father hadn’t been at fault for the accident. How could I admit the truth to Coach Phillips? That I’d played a part in all this. Sure, my father was a drunk with poor impulse control, but if I hadn’t laced his alcohol with sleeping pills and snuck out of the house, the accident wouldn’t have happened.

“I know it’s scary,” Coach Phillips said. “But you’re not alone. I’m here with you.”

As terrifying as this was, I found peace in that. Normally, Nadia was the person I turned to during times of need, but where had that gotten me?

A doctor in light-teal scrubs came into the waiting room, a face mask hanging around his neck. Even though he was there to inform me of my father’s condition, he directed his words to Coach Phillips, explaining that my father had come out of surgery and was expected to make a full recovery, at which point he’d be taken to the county jail.

“I told you. It’s going to be okay,” Coach Phillips said, patting my back, as if it was good news.

“What about the other family?” I stepped forward, calling after the doctor before he was able to walk away.

“Minor bumps and scratches,” he said. “They’re very lucky.”

Relief came rushing through my body, the feeling so intense I had to sit down. I’d never been more grateful for anything in my life. It was bad enough knowing my mistake had landed my father in jail, but I couldn’t handle the guilt of knowing I’d hurt innocent people. Before I knew it, warm tears were rolling down my cheeks.

“Cass?” I turned around to see Nadia standing in the waiting room. Her cheeks, like mine, were red and tear-stained. “I just heard about what happened. I came as soon as I could.”

I looked at Coach Phillips. “Can we have a minute alone?”

He nodded, ambling down the hallway to get a cup of coffee. Once alone, I looked at Nadia, and said, “This is all your fault.”

“I know it is,” she said. “I’m so sorry, Cass?—”

“My father could have died! Innocent people could have died.”

Nadia’s face looked so young in that moment. “I never thought he’d actually try to leave the house. If I’d known, we could have thought of something else.”

“That’s the problem! All your ideas are bad. You’re the one who convinced me to steal. You pressured me to drug my own father when what I should have done is accept my punishment.”

“I did it to help you,” she said. “I didn’t want you to miss the game.”

Nadia was the only person who knew the truth about my father’s accident. In some ways I resented her for her involvement, and in other ways I thanked her. I believed she was only trying to help me, but at what cost?

“I don’t think we should be friends,” I say. “Being your friend is too risky.”

“You can’t mean that,” she said, fresh tears springing in her eyes. “We’ve always been there for each other.”

“I can’t follow your lead anymore, Nadia. It’s all too destructive,” I say, looking around the hospital, the reality of the situation setting in. “This isn’t the person I want to be.”

Nadia left me alone in the waiting room. I was crying uncontrollably when Coach Phillips returned.

“Let’s get you home,” he said. “You can stay at my place tonight.”

And I did. From that night until I graduated high school, I lived with Coach Phillips. With my father being sent to prison, my only other option was to enter state care, but Coach wouldn’t let that happen. He went through the process of becoming a foster parent, and he became my legal guardian for the remainder of my teenage years.

I carried guilt over where my father ended up, but it’s not like my actions alone put him there. The main reason he received such a lengthy sentence was because he’d been in trouble so many times before. After the shock wore off, I realized it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Never again would I endure beatings at the hands of someone I loved. Never again would I have to worry about my safety or where my next meal would come from. As time passed, I realized my father was sick. Even if he wasn’t solely at fault for the accident, he needed help, and I hoped he’d be able to get that in prison.

For the first time in my life, I could focus solely on what I loved. Basketball.

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