Page 25 of Cross My Heart

“No.” He gets closer until my back is flush against his front. I can feel the bulge in his pants against my ass, and I bite my lip. “But he gives a pretty mean blowjob.”

My eyes narrow to slits, and my nostrils flare. “Why the fuck would you tell me that?”

“Are you jealous, love?”

“No.” I breathe.Yes. I don’t know. “I could never be jealous. You’re single—do whatever you want.”

His breath fans against my ear, and I shiver. “Liar.”

“Maybe.” I nod. “But I have no right to say shit to you, and it’s gonna stay that way.”

“What if I want you to tell me how you feel?” he asks me, still speaking against my ear. “What if I need to hear it?”

“What do you wanna hear, Noah?” I snap. “That I wish it wasmeinstead? That I wish you’d be the one kissing me instead? Sucking my dick? Me sucking yours? Holding my hand? I can’t say those things—I can’twantthem.”

“Sure you can,” he assures me. “You can want all of those things. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you human.”

“I’m with someone else.” I shake my head. “Our best friend.”

“And?”

“And I can’t betray her.”

“Newsflash, Ty.” Noah chuckles. “You already did.”

I nod, and his hand grips my hip. “Not again. I can’t do it again.”

“So break up with her,” he snaps. “Come with me.”

“I can’t.” My voice breaks. “You know I can’t. It would ruin everything. Our friendship if we don’t work out. Scarlett’s friendship with us if we do. We can’t win this one.”

“Maybe we’re not meant to win it,” he tells me. “But wouldn’t it be amazing to try?”

Yes.

“No.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry.”

Noah nods. “Fine.”

And this time he’s the one to walk away from me.

It seems like that’s the only thing we’re capable of doing lately.

Chapter 14

TYLER

22 YEARS OLD

It’s Scarlett’s and I’s three-year anniversary, and all I can think about is how different everything is. I haven’t figured out if it's a good or bad different but I guess I’ll know soon enough. I will admit that not having Noah here for Christmas this year sucks and not having him here for our housewarming party sucks even more.

It’s Noah’s first deployment, and we’ve all been walking on eggshells when it comes to talking about him. My parents, his parents, Scarlett’s parents. We don’t know exactly what the deployment consists of, but we know that Noah’s unit is an elite force, and the death count has already started ticking up. We’ve been collectively holding our breath, hoping no one ends up on our doorstep. But they seem to be ready for what they feel might be inevitable, and instead, I’ve constantly rejected the idea. There’s no world in which I survive Noah Milner dying. Definitely not my world.

So I look away every time they talk about him. I fight the urge to cover my ears and immaturely yellblah, blah, blah, as they bring up the death count once more. And I definitely tune them out when they begin to question whether he’ll be here next year. Because I believe in him. I know he’s going to make it. I have faith.

So why doesn’t anyone else?

“Where do you want this?” Mae asks, and our eyes connect when I look up. Hers are the same sky-blue as Noah’s, and a lump forms in my throat. “Ty?”

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