Page 4 of Protecting Tiffani

I couldn’t face her. Hell, I can’t face anyone. I pushed everyone away from me that day. My heart stopped beating the moment I lost my baby. The only person in the world I had left that could possibly love me. Under me, the washer starts to shake because I didn’t place the items evenly in it. Sighing, I jump down to fix it. I wish I could fix my life as easily, but I can’t. I don’t know how to make the constant ache in my chest go away, nor do I want it to. I’m afraid when the day comes that the hurt leaves me, I will forget. My stomach growls as I close the lid for the second time, the owners really need to have these old machines fixed, but they don’t think it is worth it. They should try working a whole day here, with the machines breaking down constantly.

Sighing, I leave the washer to finish and head back upstairs to find something to settle my stomach. Standing in front of my empty refrigerator, I’m reminded that I was supposed to go grocery shopping last night, but one look at my bank account lets me know it will have to wait another week. Pulling out the egg carton, I fry up one of the two eggs left. While it cooks, I grab a piece of bread from the freezer. I learned the hard way that if I left it out like most individuals do, in this place, the rats would eat it quicker than me. Pushing the button on the old toaster, I down a glass of water and a couple of aspirin. Once the toast is made, I scarf it down, not tasting anything, and head to switch everything to the dryer.

By the time my sheets are dried, the clock on the faded blue wall says it’s almost four in the morning. I have to open the laundry mat by seven, so I can go back to sleep for an hour or so. Forgoing the sheet, I put the pillowcase back on and pull the quilt up over my body. A sigh falls from my lips as the warmth surrounds me. I’m always cold, no matter how hot it gets outside or how many layers I put on. I have been for four years, before the day I lost my second heartbeat. No, it happened two weeks before then.

I’ve been freezing since Levi Hill stood in front of me, the boy I loved with everything I am, the person I gave my all to, and told me, “You were just a phase, Tiffani. Someone to bid my time with. You seriously didn’t think this was real, did you?” That’s the day he stole my heartbeat, watching him turn and walk away from me like I meant nothing to him. He took all the warmth and light from my world. Although two weeks later, I would find out that he left me with just a little ray of light, but that too was taken away from me, and why not? The feeling of not being wanted by him was all I could feel. Of course, the baby would feel that as well, so Levi took that heartbeat too. As the darkness settles in, images of the life I should have had flash behind my eyes as tears fall down, wetting the pillowcase I just spent my last dollar and fifty cents drying.

Aggravating beeping pulls me from an uneventful sleep. My body is still groggy from my late-night laundry session, but the option to lay around this morning isn’t one I can afford. Throwing off the warm quilt, the coldness once again seeps in, making me shiver. Shutting off the alarm clock, I stumble into the tiny bathroom through the door beside the bed. Turning on the shower, the pipes groan as water pelts out of the shower head forcefully, stopping every other couple of seconds. The hot water doesn’t work because I couldn’t pay last month’s gas bill, so I take the quickest fucking shower ever. I’ll have to boil water after work to wash my hair tonight because it’s a greasy mess. Locking my front door behind me, I start going through the motions of opening the laundry mat. The paper boy knocks on the door just as I get the cash counted for the day.

“Good morning, Clive. Be safe on your route today,” I say, paying him the dollar I took from the register. Once he nods and heads on his way, I glance down to the front page, and my breath catches in my throat as I take in the title of a story halfway down. Stumbling back, my knees hit a chair leaning up against the washer I forgot to move yesterday. Sliding down, tears fall onto the paper making blotches, and the ink from the printed words runs together.

Written in bold letters: In memory of the beloved local George Hill Sr. A pain consumes me, forcing me to pull my hand away from the paper to rub at my chest. I read the article twice before the words sank into my overtired brain. Levi’s dad passed away yesterday, that’s why he didn’t come by for our normal coffee date. My heart breaks for their family, but as I lay the paper down and turn my gaze out the window, worry pushes the sadness away. Does that mean Levi will return? If he does, I’m not leaving this place. There is no way I’m going to survive him being here again. Closing my eyes, I send up a message hoping Mr. Hill can hear me.Thank you, Mr. Hill, for accepting me into your little family. I wish I could have gotten to say goodbye. I will miss our weekly visits, even though they reminded me of what I’ll never have, you as my father-in-law. I love you and will miss you forever. Hold my baby for me and give them all the kisses you can.

Wiping my eyes. I take the paper to my apartment even though the business bought it. I’ll just replace the dollar. There’s no way I’m not keeping this article. God, what am I going to do?

Chapter three

Tiffani

Icheckmyoutfitin the small mirror above the sink. Disappointment races through me as I spot a small hole in the sleeve of my only black shirt. For the millionth time today, I wish I could afford to buy something nicer, but I can’t. The black pants I found shoved in the bottom of my drawer are loose on me, but I made them fit. The feeling of wanting to walk back out the funeral home doors and run home claws at my chest. I shouldn’t be here. Shaking my head, I run my hands through my hair, my fingers catching on the tangles caused by the wind on my walk here. I slowly work them out while I try to regulate my breathing. A knock on the door makes me jump, and I hit my knee on the underside of the sink.

“Fuck.”

“Ma’am, the service is starting, and the seats are filling up,” the individual responsible for the pounding in my knee says through the door.

“Thank you,” I reply. I purposely waited until the last minute to walk into the chapel. I want to stand in the very back. That way, I can slip out at the end. I’m risking seeing the man who destroyed me and the girl I hurt when I pushed her away. I fought with myself, going back and forth between feeling like I had to come but not wanting to risk it. In the end, facts are facts, and the fact is that Mr. Hill was a massive part of my life for five years. From the first time I met him while dropping off Emilee’s assignments to the last visit, a week before he passed. He instantly welcomed me into his family and always told me how happy he was that I became Emilee’s friend. Then when I started dating Levi, he was the first one we told, and he was the happiest of us all, including me. It’s because of him that I have my job and tiny apartment.

Four years ago.

Putting a red x through the date on the calendar does nothing but remind me that it’s been two and a half months since I lost everything.

“Tiffani,” my mom yells up the stairs. She sounds pissed, and now I have to go see what she wants. Dragging my feet across my room, I open the door to find her standing at the top of the stairs, red-faced and breathing hard. “I’ve been calling you for the last half hour. Why aren’t you dressed for your outing? Seriously, Tiffani, why must you act like this?”

I close my eyes so she doesn’t see me rolling them. That will only make matters worse. For as long as I can remember, my mother and father have pushed their idea for my life on me. They tell me what I should wear, eat, watch, read, and, lately, who I should date. My mother found my diary a week before graduation, where I wrote all my secrets about my life and Levi. She didn’t seem mad or upset that I was dating the “local poor boy,” as my father called him. She told me she found it and knew I had lied to them.

Ultimately, it didn’t matter what they thought because Levi didn’t believe I was good enough to be with him, and he dumped me. On graduation day, my mother found me crying my eyes out in the hallway. She soothed me for the first time in my life and told me it would all be okay. I thought she actually cared that her daughter had her heart ripped out, but it was all an act. The day I found out I had lost the baby, I lied and told them I was staying at a friend’s house. I didn’t want them to suspect anything. But the moment I got home, she started on how I should be dating Steven, the Chief of police’s son.

I have heard nothing but ‘Steven this’ and ‘Steven that’ for two months. I’m so sick of hearing that damn name. “Mom, I told you I’m not going on a date with him,” I say with as much respect as possible.

“Yes, you are, Tiffani Anne Summers. He’s from a good family and perfect for you.” She stomps her foot like a toddler, not getting her way.

“You mean he’s from a rich family.” I corrected her.

“I don’t know what has gotten into you. Since that boy left, you have done nothing but sulk around the house. I’ve told you everyone has a phase where they test out the waters with the boy from the wrong side of town, but we get over him. You scratched that itch, and it’s time to focus on your future. We agreed to let you take a year off, but only because you promised to abide by our rules. We both know that you can not survive without mine and your father’s help. If you want to go to college without having debt up to your ears, you better get used to the idea that you are in fact going to date Steven.” She walks toward me, grabs my arm, and turns me to face my room.

“Your rules? When did who I choose to date become a rule?” I pull my arm from hers and throw them in the air.

“Listen, girl. You either do as I say and get ready for this date, or you walk out of this house with only the clothes on your back. We will disown you.” She places her hands on her hips and fixes me with a look that used to make me jump to do what she said. Not now.

“Fine, I’m out of here,” I say, stalking over to grab my purse off the dresser, grab the small box from the top desk drawer along with my journal.

“You’re seriously going to be disowned over someone who was never worthy of your time?”

“No, mother, I’m getting disowned because I will no longer allow you to make decisions for me. This is my life, not yours. I will live it how I want to, which means loving who I want. Levi is not, and never will be, unworthy of me. What don’t you get that I love him. Love him, not loved. He has my heart and always will. I will not go on a date with anyone else but him.” I shout over my shoulders.

I don’t remember picking a place to go after I left my parent’s house, but somehow I found myself standing in front of Boe’s Burgers. As I’m about to pull open the door to walk in, someone calls my name behind me. “Tiffani, is that you, girl?”

I wipe my eyes before turning to see Mr. Hill shutting his truck door. “Hi,” I whisper.

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