Page 5 of Protecting Tiffani

Of course, nothing gets past him, and he notices my red and puffy eyes. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” He pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. I sigh but keep the tears at bay. I can figure this out alone, but his hug makes the hurt of being disowned sting a little less.

“Nothing. Just facing the real world has me upset, I'm afraid.”

“Why don’t we get a burger and talk about it?” he asks, patting my back.

“Are you sure Le-”

“Even if he was here, do you think I would let my son keep me from treating you to a burger? I told him he was being stupid for leaving you, but he wouldn’t listen. You will always be a part of this family. Do I make myself clear?” I nod my head. The secret that I was carrying his great-granddaughter or great-grandson weighs heavily on me, but I don’t see a point in telling him. The baby is gone. Why should I upset him?

I spend the next thirty minutes telling him the shortened version of being kicked out of my house. I left out what they said about Levi. After paying for our lunch, he took me to Susan’s Suds and personally vouched for me. Without his personal recommendation, I would have never got the job. I had no experience or references. He also paid my first three months’ rent for me and slipped me a few hundred dollars to get me on my feet.

“Mr. Hill, I can’t take this,” I say through tears as I try to return the money to him.

“Yes, you can. If I thought you would let me, I would put you in the truck and take you home with me,” he says, pushing the money back to me.

“How will I ever repay you?” I whisper.

“I’ll tell you what, once a week I’ll come by to check on you. Have a cup of coffee ready for me, and we’ll call it even,” he says with a wide grin.

“Deal,” I say, hugging the man who will never know what this means to me.

I always had a cup of coffee waiting when he showed up. We never spoke about Levi or Emilee, I was too scared to ask, and I’m sure he could tell. Even when he was in a wheelchair, the visits never stopped. There were also multiple times I would open the door to find bags of food on my doorstep. There was never a note, but I knew it was him. The time he spent visiting me was the only time I didn’t feel so alone and sad. I smiled and laughed the whole time. Before he left, he always said, “I love you, girl, and am proud of how strong you are.” My life will never be the same without him in it.

I don’t move to wipe the tears away. Everyone in the room is now crying at the gaping hole in our hearts. I find a spot in the very back with an unblocked view of the casket. I see Mr. Hill laying inside, and my heart rips even more. I clamp my mouth shut as a sob tries to break loose. I refuse to look anywhere but at him, the man who stepped up when my father stepped out. I came to care about him as if he was my own dad. He should be my father-in-law, but I refuse to let my mind go there. It’s bad enough knowing Levi is here somewhere.

My body has not forgotten what it feels like to be in the same room as him. She knows he’s close,but he doesn’t want us, I remind her. A screen drops down as a slideshow of images starts to roll across it, and the opening lines of “Butterfly Kisses” by Lauryn Evans fill the space. My stomach flips, and my breaths become labored because I know what this song means to his family. What it means to me.

Even though I promised myself not to search them out, my eyes snap to the first row of pews on the right side of the room, where I see his family. I should be sitting with them. Adam has his arms around Carly and Mrs. Hill. I watch Parker wrap his arms around Emilee as a sob breaks loose for everyone to hear. Her shoulders are shaking hard as she sobs. This song was played at her wedding for the father-daughter dance. Beside Emilee, I see the back of the person I’m trying to hide from. He leans his head to the left, and I catch a glimpse of his beautiful face for the first time. My breath catches in my throat as I see the tears sliding down. He hasn’t changed one bit. He’s still the most handsome man to ever be created. His green eyes are swimming in tears, and I don’t have to be with him to know he hates every minute of it. He hates showing his emotions. He thinks it makes him weak.

Before I can stop myself, I put one foot in front of the other, making my way up the aisle. Everyone sitting on the outside of the pews turns toward me. I pay no mind to the stares they are throwing my way. I don’t slow down or stop until I’m standing in front of my best friend. Parker’s eyes go wide as he sees me standing here, and he doesn’t look happy. But I’m not throwing myself under the bus for him. I’m doing it for her, for Emilee. A gasp leaves her when she looks up, and her hands shoot out, pulling me down and into a bone-crushing hug. My left arm feels like I stuck it in a fire as it brushes against Levi, but I try to not focus on that.

“Tif, you’re here. He’s gone… How am I supposed to do this…” she sobs into my shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Em. I’m so sorry. We will get through this.” I assure her even though I know I can’t be the one to help her. I pull back from her and give her a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll go back to my seat now. I just couldn’t stay away anymore,” I whisper to her.

A warm, soft, big hand grabs my left hand, preventing me from leaving. “Don’t go.”

My eyes stare at Levi’s hand wrapped around mine, holding on like I’m his lifeline. Fuck me. I should shake him off and walk away. I’ve already stood in his presence for way too long. My whole arm is tingling, and the butterflies I thought were dead have come back to life. My entire body craves his touch, especially my lips. How is it possible to miss someone this much? I feel his gaze never leave my face. I pull my eyes away from our hands and look at the man that haunts me. The heartbroken look on his face breaks me.

“Please,” he begs.

Fuck the heartache that is going to come after this. Screw the pain of being this close to him when I can’t have him. Everyone scoots down to make room for me to sit. I’m sandwiched between him and Em. My hands start to shake as my nerves take over. What the fuck have I done? This was not part of my plan when I left the apartment this morning. At the same time, both Emilee and Levi reach over and grab my hands, lacing their fingers with mine. For the first time in four years, my heart doesn’t ache as much as it used to.No, Tiffani, you can’t do this again. He left you pregnant and alone. Okay, he didn’t know I was pregnant, but that doesn’t change the fact that he left me after telling me I was just a phase.

The pastor officiating the service calls everyone to bow their heads in prayer. Leaning closer to Emilee, I say, “I’m sorry, Em, I can’t do this.” I pull my hands from theirs and race down the pews.Goodbye, Mr. Hill. I love you. Thank you for being the only man I could count on. Don’t go too far. I’ll always have a coffee ready. Stick close to us all, please.I’m sure I look like a distraught loved one to everyone here. No one knows that the pain filling my heart is not because of the man laying in the casket, but the very much alive one sitting in a pew. My vision starts to tunnel as I throw open the doors and head for the glass doors blocking my exit. How stupid was I to come here? I should’ve just stayed at home and visited Mr. Hill’s grave.

As soon as the outside air hits my face, the weight in my chest lessens, and I can breathe easier. “Tiffani,” Parker’s voice comes from behind, stopping me.

I don’t turn around, afraid that someone else is standing with him. “I’m sorry, Parker. I can’t do this,” I say.

“Talk to me, Tiffani. What did she do that made you push her away? She needs you right now,” he pleads with me.

His words hit me with such force that I’m afraid they will crimple me. She didn’t do anything wrong. She never could do anything wrong. “It’s all my fault,” I say. Turning around, I sigh at seeing him standing alone under the awning. “She didn’t do anything wrong. I did, Parker… I failed!” I scream at him. The low hanging, dark clouds above us open up, allowing rain to fall down in buckets. Within seconds I’m soaked through to my core. My tears are hidden among the rain sliding down my face.

“Tiffani, come inside. We can fix whatever is wrong,” he says, taking a step toward me.

“I can’t. Nothing can fix this. We can’t turn back time and make this better.” I take another step backward. “Tell her I love her, please, but I can’t go back in there and see him. I can’t comfort him after he broke me, Parker. Don’t ask me to,” I whisper before I turn and run as fast as I can away from him. The farther I get from the funeral home, the worse the pain in my chest becomes. I don’t know where Levi has been these last four years, but I only hope that he goes back there and I never see him again. It hurts too much. I’m not over him, and I don’t think I will ever be over him. Not to mention the massive secret I’m holding on to.

Slamming the door to the laundry mat, I head up to my apartment to change and get to work. It’s time I seriously start thinking about moving away from this town. I’m completely alone now that Mr. Hill is gone. Why stay?

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