Page 101 of Protect

Relief washes over me.

“Good, that’s it, Vi, another breath. Okay, now let’s focus on three things you can see.”

Violette looks around, her eyes land on a chip in the wood floor in front of me, the neon signs in the hall that saysBuckover the men’s room andDoeover the ladies, my hands over hers. I don’t need her to tell me what she sees as long as I know she’s looking.

“Good, one more breath and then try to tell me three things you can feel.”

She breathes deeper this time; the pink I love returning to her face. She looks down to my hand on her thigh. “You,” she says, followed by, “this floor is uncomfortable to sit on, and sticky.”

I chuckle and squeeze her hand, keeping my thumb over the pulse in her wrist. Her heart rate is almost normal now.

“Good, Vi, that’s it. How do you feel now?” I ask.

She takes a breath, this time like it’s actually filling her lungs.

“The ringing in my ears is gone, so…better,” she says.

I tuck a piece of hair behind her ear and lean in to kiss her on the forehead.

“That’s my girl,” I say as she brings in another deep breath.

“Has that ever happened to you before? Vi, you just had a panic attack.”

She nods and worry lines her face. “It used to happen all the time after Jacob died. I’d dream about him and wake up in a cold sweat. It stopped after a while.”

“What did you do to make it stop? What helped?” I ask

“I moved away and promised myself I would never get close to a hotshot again.” Her eyes turn up to mine, and I realize what she’s saying without saying it.

A hotshot like me.

I don’t acknowledge it because I’m not prepared to have that conversation, not when I have to leave her to go to fight this fire for God knows how long.

“I didn’t intentionally keep the possibility of us going out on this fire from you,” I tell her, wanting to be totally clear with her on that.

“I know,” she retorts simply.

“I just didn’t want to worry you until it was set in stone. I know this is hard for you, Vi. I know it brings it all back—the worry, the fear.”

Violette looks down at her palms, tears in her eyes.

“I thought I could do this,” she whispers, and now this time, it’s me who’s filled with panic. Because I can tell by her tone that she’s protecting herself, and that she might be trying to run before she can get hurt. Well, I’m not having that, protecting her ismyjob.

“Vi, this is extra hard because it’s the first one I’ve been called to since this started between us and since I was hurt. Hell, even I’m a little nervous if I’m being honest.”

More than alittlenervous.

“But I know the moment I get out there it will all come back to me. I have a lot of training, I’m going to rely on that, especially after my injury. And I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to make sure it doesn’t happen again. But, Vi, that’s all I can offer you because the truth is, it could. I won’t lie to you and say itwon’thappen again.”

“I would never want that promise,” she says, surprising me. “I know, logically, that you’ll probably go off to this fire and be okay.” She takes another deep breath. “I just can’t help it. I cling to these deep feelings and anxieties that I’ve never really let myself admit to because it’stoopainful.”

I set my jaw and listen, the idea of her in pain torturing me.

“It’s thefearof something happening to you.” A tear spills over her cheek, and I instinctively reach out and brush it off her cheek. “Rowan, Jacob was my best friend. He was the only person who knew what our house was like when we were curled up with our parents watching TV when we were young, or what Christmas morning sounded like, the way my mom would always turn on the fireplace channel and hum Christmas music as she handed out presents,” she says, lost in a memory.

Fucking hell.

I bring her right into my arms. “I’m here, love, let it out,” I whisper into her hair as a sob escapes her throat.

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