Page 37 of Riot

“Any man would be lucky to have you in his life,” he continues. “That cunt ex of yours doesn’t have a place in your future anymore. You have to let him go.”

“I have.”

“No, you haven’t. You wouldn’t be thinkin’ this shit if you had.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sweetheart, you don’t apologise for what you feel. You went through a hell that would destroy most people, and I’m not gonna sit here and feed you bullshit about how strong you are. You already know that.”

I swipe at a tear careening down my cheek. Fragile, pathetic… I feel everything, and I hate it.

“If this is a pep talk, it sucks, Riot.”

His laugh is soft. “If you’d let me finish…”

“Sorry.”

“What I was gonna say is you ain’t alone in any of this. You have to face those parts of your past that make you feel less than or insecure or scared, but you don’t have to do it alone.” His finger hooks under my chin, so tender, so at odds with the roadmap of violence marking his face. “I’ll be the strength holdin’ you up when you’re gonna fall, Vee, but I can’t fight thedemons you carry in here.” He presses a fingertip to my temple. “That’s all on you.”

I get lost in his eyes and the intensity behind them as he drinks in every drop of me.

“And yeah, someone could love you, Ivy.” I twitch as he says it, at how he knew from my unspoken words where my head had gone. “Because you’re easy to love, despite what you think.”

“I…” My tongue feels glued to the roof of my mouth, too thick and too cumbersome to get out the words I want.

Something flashes in his eyes before he says, “If you wanna date that guy, then date him, but don’t do it because you feel you need it to be healed. Do it because you want to.” He hesitates, uncertainty flickering in his eyes. “Do you want him?”

I don’t. I want the man in front of me. I want the man who looks at my daughter like she’s his. The man who tells me I’m strong when I feel weak. The man who gives me safety without even realising it.

I want Riot.

But it won’t happen. Riot sees me as a kid still, and he would never risk his relationship with his brother, not even for me.

My heart aches, cracking my chest open. “No,” I say quietly, “I don’t want him.” Then I give the lie, the one that protects my heart. “I don’t want anyone.”

I walk away, my fingers tightening around the handle of the pram, and I have to bite back the tears stinging my eyes.

SEVEN

RIOT

It’s barely midday,but the rumble of music from the common room is already loud enough to rattle the fucking walls. I grit my teeth, staring up at the ceiling, my body vibrating.

I’m so fucking tired. I haven’t been able to sleep a full night since the park and that prick.

For the last three days, it’s all I’ve been able to think about.

Ivy’s strong—probably the strongest woman I’ve ever known—but she’s holding too much inside, and those seams are starting to split. Little by little, pieces of her—the ones she thinks she’s holding together—are crumbling, and it’s only a matter of time before the whole damn thing falls apart.

The shit she admitted broke something inside me. Her pain and suffering makes me want to burn everything to ashes. She doesn’t think she deserves love?

Fuck.

She deserves so fucking much—more than I’ve got to give her, but I want to try anyway.

That scene replays on a loop like a movie every time I try to rest. Less than five fucking seconds I was distracted, and when I turned around, that shithead kid was sitting with my girls, all snake charm and lies.

But they’re not your girls.

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