Page 52 of Must Have Been Love

And then Wayne turned up drunk to the ceremony. Not a little tipsy either, but falling down, ranting and raving wasted with whiskey.

He’d always been in love with Mom. And seeing her with Bryan at the rehearsal dinner the previous night had made him realize just how much she’d moved on. He’d left the dinner early, and apparently had gone on an all night bender at whatever dive he could find open.

The next morning he arrived at the swanky hotel that Lee had chosen for her dream wedding, reeking of alcohol and looking like he’d been living on the streets for months.

I’d been the first to see him and my heart had dropped. I was only seventeen then. Halfway through my hair being done when another bridesmaid had whispered in my ear that there was a problem, and should we tell Lee?

“No,” I’d said firmly. And I’d told them not to tell my mom, either, because she was ruthless and would have thrown him out without blinking.

I was so sure it wasn’t that bad. It was the first time we’d seen him in years, after all. He’d never been the type to keep in touch. From the age of ten until seventeen I think I’d seen him twice and spoken to him five times on the phone.

And he couldn’t stay sober for one day.

I’d run down to the hotel lobby in my slippers and robe, my hair pinned into curls, only to find him slumped drunkenly on the reception counter, arguing that the bar should be open to the stepfather of the bride.

I’d walked over to him, smiling, trying to work out how to deal with a drunken stranger who I shared blood with.

And then he’d started crying loudly. Telling me he’d forever be in love with my mom and that he’d messed up so badly.

“Talk to her for me,” he’d slurred. “Tell her I love her. You want us back together, don’t you?”

“It’s Lee’s wedding day,” I’d hissed. “You need to sober up.Now.”

“Little Lee. Cute kid. She used to think I was a god, you know?” He’d smiled sadly. “Loved her. Loved her mom.” He blinked at me. “Love her so much.”

“If you love her, you’ll sober up.”

He’d blinked at me then, as though he’d only just realized I was there. “I’m gonna tell her during the ceremony,” he slurred. “I’m gonna shout it out for everybody to hear.”

My blood ran cold. This was Lee’s special day. We’d spent more than a year organizing it. Like everything else she touched, it was elegant, beautiful, perfect.

And I couldn’t let him ruin it. So I called a cab, paid the driver extra to take him to a bar as far away as possible, then took a deep breath and headed back to the makeup room where Lee and Mom were oohing and aahing about her dress.

It was only later, after the ceremony, when Lee asked me where he was that I confessed he’d been drunk and I’d thrown him out.

I hadn’t heard from him after that day. Not until I got the call from his lawyer about his will.

I push those memories away, back down into the dark where they belong. I would always choose Lee above anybody else.

But I hate that I sent him to a bar.

These days, I’m older and wiser. I would have arranged for him to go to rehab, been there for him. But I was too young, too afraid.

And now he’s gone.

The baby lets out a loud cry and Lee hushes her softly. “I should go,” she says. “Diaper changing time.”

I wrinkle my nose. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” She gives me another concerned look. “I wish I was there with you.”

I wish she was too. But I’m not going to tell her that. “I’ve got this,” I say instead. “Maybe I’m finally growing up.”

“You’ve always been a grown up,” she tells me. “Just your own kind of grown up. And I don’t want you to ever change.”

That’s the thing about my big sister. She’s always on my side. Even when Mom pulls her hair out over me, Lee is my loudest cheerleader.

“Go change that poopy diaper,” I tell her, letting out a breath. Push away the sad, let in the happy. “And once she’s clean give her a big kiss from me.”

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