Page 42 of First Puck

He suddenly sucked in a breath as his eyes went wide. “Holy shit, dude, what about your ass?”

I looked at him blankly, with no idea what he was talking about.

“Like, he’s a pretty big guy, isn’t he? Do you think his cock is…? I mean, are you going to be okay if he tries to…you know?”

I shook my head as I realized what he was trying to get at. “Are you really asking me that? That’s where your mind is going?”

“Instead of asking you what?”

“About me being gay, Brad!” I burst out, overflowing with words I’d clutched so tightly inside me I never wanted them to be free. “I’m not bi or anything. I only like guys.”

“Oh, yeah. Well, you know I don’t care about stuff like that.”

I gave him a blank look, every cell in my body dying as I took in his innocent expression.

I felt like I had whiplash from swinging through every emotion I’d been covering up for years.

And the conversation that had shut me up so violently last summer flew back into my head. Of Brad outright telling me not to be a freak.

I couldn’t tell if I was angry or in pain or relieved or just tired from all the stuff I’d put myself through because of one sentence he said nine months ago.

“You’re making that face again,” he said, his tone softening. “Really, dude, if you want to cry, just do it. I’m not gonna judge.”

I couldn’t say a word. This had gone so far beyond all the scenarios I’d cooked up that I wasn’t sure what to say next. I had made up scenes where Brad didn’t care and just laughed it off, where he was curious, where we even started dating, but I stopped entertaining those after last year.

I didn’t actually know if I wanted to cry. I didn’t know anything at that moment.

The familiar sound of the couch cushions creaking filled my ears as he turned to face me properly, his controller still clutched between his hands.

“Okay, listen, if I came out, would you judge me?”

I looked at him, startled that he’d even suggested it. He slept with so many girls that the only hint he wasn’t straight was when he sucked my cock. But that wasn’t what he was asking.

“No, of course not. You’re my friend.”

“Yeah, same. So why didn’t you tell me?” He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, laser-focused on me.

“Because, um…” I knew my face had gone white, which made it even worse when I flushed.

“Is it because I sucked your cock?” he suddenly asked. One eyebrow shot up as his smile broadened.

“Oh, my God!” I yelled without thinking. Even if it seemed like we were alone in the living room, it didn’t mean all the guys were out. Though I should have thought of that before I told him I was gay.

He burst out laughing without a shred of awareness.

“No way. Did I turn you gay? Did my awesome dick sucking convert you?”

“Could you shut up? It doesn’t work like that.”

“So, you’ve always been like that?”

I winced as he said ‘that’. It was one of my predictions: that Brad couldn’t even talk about it because he was so grossed out.

The conversation was difficult enough already, even though being embarrassed seemed to take the edge off. So I clenched my teeth as I nodded.

“Cool, okay,” he said, shrugging as he glanced at the TV. “Well, I’m kind of disappointed because I thought it was a seriously good blow job, but whatever. You wanna play?” He nudged the blue controller toward me with his thigh.

“That’s it?” I asked after a beat.

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