Page 41 of First Puck

“Hi,” I said, softening straight away at the sight of him on our shitty couch.

Kicking off my shoes, I closed the door behind me.

Brad finally looked at me, his gaze hopping over me like he was checking for something. I’d straightened my shirt and pants before coming back in, so it didn’t look like I had a 250-pound hockey star rubbing his nose against my shoulder as he told me what he’d been going through since December.

Brad’s eyes lit up as I cautiously swerved around a bunch of sweaty gear piled up by the door to get to our couch.

“How was your date?” he asked with a wide grin. “You said you'd be back by ten, so I thought you’d taken them home after all our primping.”

“Ah, well. It wasn’t really that kind of date,” I replied sheepishly. “And I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just let them take the lead.”

I flopped onto the couch next to him, nestling into my favorite spot, nerves firing through me at light speed.

The other guys were usually out on a Friday, so I was pretty sure we had the place to ourselves for the next few hours, at least

I swiped my blue controller from the coffee table littered with half full coffee cups, magazines, and whatever else the guys dumped there when they played or watched TV.

Brad and I bought a red and blue pair when we started high school. It was another one of our rituals. The right side of the couch was mine, I always had the blue controller, and I was usually the one who beat him.

“So, um…” His head dipped, confirming he really was avoiding me. I swear I saw a tremor in his hand. “Where’s Lance?”

The air suddenly ripped from my lungs. It was my turn to freeze as fear pierced like a lightning bolt straight through me. I’d been preparing for him to mention it. I’d set it all up so he would. But I still couldn’t stop myself tipping backward, pressing hard against the arm of the couch.

My first instinct was to apologize. Because it was my fault I was like this, that I was gay. Because I couldn’t stop what I was like. Because I had to hide from him so he didn’t see how much I wanted him.

I flung my controller down just as my body tensed. I swallowed all my responses and prepared to vault off the couch.

But the controller knocked against Brad’s thighs as he swung his attention to me.

I flinched as he looked at me. And when he sat up fully, I darted my gaze to the front door.

“Dude, seriously.” He scowled. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“W-what?” I rasped, jumping. “Look at you like what?”

“Like I'm gonna hurt you.” He scrunched his brow as he clicked the controller, pausing the game. “It’s just, like. Well…” He twisted his lips as his eyes skipped over me.

The self-consciousness which circled me whenever we skimmed close to these conversations shot into overdrive.

“Well?” I asked so quietly I could barely hear myself. I didn’t need him to say anything else. I didn’t want to know how he felt, even though I’d been obsessing about it since we were twelve.

But it still felt like it was too soon.

“Well, like…I mean,seriously?” He grimaced and my heart free fell into oblivion.

That was it. It was done and all those predictions I had about losing him were about to come true. I’d catastrophized about it for so long, and it was finally happening.

Brad’s nose scrunched up as he peered at me. “Like, Lance? Really? Out of every single guy in this big-ass school you could have gone for, did it seriously have to be Lance-fucking-Austin?”

My eyes widened and a huge breath whooshed out of me as I struggled to catch up with what my idiot best friend was saying.

“Lance?” I choked out. A nervous, shaky laugh dropped from me, followed by a pathetic wheezing sigh as I pressed mytrembling palm to my forehead. I quickly ran it over the hair Brad had spent forever styling.

“That’s it?” I asked. “That’s what you’re asking me about?”

“Well, yeah, that’s fucking it. I mean, okay, it would have been nice if you’d actually told me you were into guys, or whatever. But what about the team? Or what about your heart? He might dump you for some twink actor and then it’ll get seriously awkward for all of us.”

All the weight left my body as I nearly collapsed. I stared at him, gathering up seven years of insane thoughts, and it all culminated in Brad being more annoyed by Lance than upset I was gay.

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