Page 82 of The World Outside My Window

Then the doorbell goes again and she springs up, almost knocking her glass off the table, and wobbles out of the room, down the hallway and towards the front door. She can make out the silhouette of someone on the other side of the frosted glass but it’s impossible to tell whether it’s Jim or someone else. The alcohol has numbed her thought processes and all her blood seems to have rushed to her ears. She takes a deep breath, opens the door, and jumps back with a gasp.

‘Sorry, is this a bad time?’ The light bulb above Ben creates a halo round his head while his features are thrown into shadow.

‘Oh, no. Course not.’ She doesn’t dare acknowledge that she’s not only relieved it’s not Jim, but pleased to see Ben. ‘Do you want to come in?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, but quickly so I can close the door?’

‘Sorry.’ Ben ducks inside and Laura shuts the door behind him. ‘This way,’ she says as Ben slips off his shoes and follows her into the kitchen.

‘Who wa—? Oh.’ Debbie smiles and raises her eyebrows as Ben walks into the kitchen directly behind Laura.

‘Hi,’ Ben says, hovering in the doorway. He takes in the open vodka bottle and Carol’s investigation board, which has been propped up against the back door, and smiles uncertainly. ‘Sorry if I’m interrupting something.’

‘No, no, it’s fine, come in.’ Debbie gestures expansively. Ben takes a seat at the table while Laura pours him a tumbler of vodka, placing it in front of him without asking. ‘We were just talking about you,’ Debbie continues.

‘Were you?’ Ben sounds nervous.

Laura wants to kick Debbie under the table but she can’t do it without Ben noticing so instead she smiles serenely and takes a drink. ‘We were just saying how kind it is of everyone to be doing so much to help me find Jim,’ she says.

‘Oh, right. Well, of course. We all liked – like Jim. I – we… well, we want to help as much as we can.’ He pauses, his face flushed, and tips the vodka down his throat. ‘Good God,’ he says, spluttering, his throat on fire and his eyes watering. ‘Have you been drinking this since you got back?’

‘Yep.’ Debbie grins, taking another sip. ‘Although s’probablee not a good idea.’ She leans forward and rests her elbows on the table. Her eyes glimmer with mischief. ‘So, what brings you round here?’

Laura can feel her face burning and she lets her hair hang across her face, which only makes it worse.

‘I just wanted to come and see how you are,’ he says, turning to Laura. ‘I know Carol can be a bit much and I’d already told her I didn’t think it was a good idea to spring something like that on you, but she insisted, said she was only trying to help. I—’ he stopped. ‘I hope you didn’t find it too hard?’

‘No, it was fine’. It really was all right, nowhere near as terrifying as she thought it was going to be. ‘It’s kind of you to come and check up on me though.’

Across the table Debbie coughs loudly and Laura shoots her daggers.

‘Honestly, you wouldn’t believe how far Lau’s come since Jim left,’ Debbie says, ignoring Laura. ‘She couldn’t even peek outside the window before, and now look at her.’ She sways slightly in her seat and Laura remembers why she hates drinking with her friend – it’s not just that Debbie worries about her, it’s also that since she had kids, Debbie can’t hold her drink at all. She slides Debbie’s drink away from her in the hope she’ll forget about it for a while. Sadly it doesn’t deter her from finishing her little speech. ‘We were just wondering what would happen if Jim never comes home.’ She waves her hands in the air. ‘What if he never comes home and is never found?’ She turns to face Ben head-on. ‘How long would you say is a reasonable amount of time to wait for someone to come home before you think about moving on, Ben?’

Ben looks round helplessly, but Laura is staring at somewhere behind his head.

‘I, er…’ He shrugs in defeat. ‘I honestly have no idea, but I’d say there’s still time for Jim to come home.’

‘Time? It’s been more than four weeks and he hasn’t even thought to let Laura know he’s still alive!’ Debbie’s face is outraged, her hair wild round her face.

‘Four weeks isn’t that long.’

‘How long should she wait, then? Forever, become a born-again virgin, live alone for the rest of her life, just in case?’

Ben feels his face flame. He can’t think about Laura leaving Jim, he just can’t, it’s completely wrong. He takes another sip of vodka and grimaces. ‘I honestly don’t know. I mean—’

‘It was different for you,’ Debbie says suddenly, waving her glass in the air. ‘Your wife was ill, then she died.’

‘Debbie!’ Despite the drink, Laura is shocked.

‘What?’ Her voice is indignant. ‘I don’t mean it like that. I don’t mean it was a good thing, I just mean – Ben knows what I mean, don’t you?’

Ben nods weakly. He didn’t know that the things he told Laura about his wife would become common knowledge. But it is no secret, he supposes. Debbie ploughs on. ‘I juss mean – well, she was gone, and you could say goodbye and move on. But Laura can’t do any of that and it makes me so angry. How dare Jim leave her in limbo like this? At least if he’s still alive he could have the bloody decency to let us know!’

A silence descends, and Laura can feel her head spinning. She listens to the wind brushing against the kitchen window, and tries not to look at Ben as he sits staring at his glass, his leg jiggling up and down in time to the clock above the back door. What must he think of them, of her? Will he make his excuses and leave soon? She wouldn’t blame him.

‘Actually, I had an idea,’ Ben says then, out of the blue. Laura whips her head round and Debbie looks up too.

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