Page 83 of The World Outside My Window

‘What about?’

‘Well, you were saying you’re feeling so much better? More able to get out and do things without being overwhelmed.’ Laura nods. ‘How would you feel about going into London?’

‘London?’ she repeats, dumbly.

Ben leans forward and picks up Carol’s investigation board and props it on the empty chair next to him. He points to the list of clues.

‘Two of these are about possible sightings of Jim in London, right?’

The women nod.

‘They’re different parts of London, but not that far apart, a few miles at most. Didn’t the police also say they had a few other unconfirmed sightings but only one who had a photo of the person they thought was Jim?’

‘Yes, but they couldn’t be sure whether any of them were actually him,’ Laura says.

‘I know. But what if they were? What if both this one—’ he indicates the sighting reported to the police ‘—and this sighting by Sonja were both Jim?’ He looks from Laura to Debbie and back again. Laura struggles to work out what he’s getting at through the fog of vodka. When it becomes clear neither of them are going to answer, Ben carries on. ‘I know it’s a big city, but if you could get to London and concentrate on the areas Jim has been spotted, ask around a bit, you never know. You might just get somewhere.’

Laura thinks about it for a minute. She tries to imagine herself walking to the railway station, getting on a train, walking around a busy London street. All things she used to do without a second thought but hasn’t even been able to contemplate for almost two years.Couldshe do this? Could she really take such a huge step?

‘I’m not sure,’ she says. Her voice is small and she clears her throat. ‘It’s—’

‘We’ll be there too,’ Debbie interrupts. ‘Won’t we, Ben?’

Ben would love to go with them, but he didn’t dare be so presumptuous as to suggest it. ‘Of course. If you’d like me to.’

Laura looks at them both – her oldest friend and this man who she’s only known for a few weeks but feels a real warmth for – and pictures herself doing this with them by her side.

‘Okay, I’ll give it a go.’

‘Yesss!’ Debbie punches the air. Beside her, Ben smiles. Laura watches him over the top of her glass and when he notices her looking, he looks away. She coughs. ‘Anyway, enough of that tonight. I think we should sod it and get drunk. What do you say, Benjamin?’

He grins. ‘I think you two might already be there.’

‘Whever. You gonna join us?’

He has to catch up with some work tomorrow and he really needs to go for a run before that. He should go home, have an early night, eat some dinner. He should. But then again, maybe he should start being a bit more spontaneous, start living again. It’s what Jim always told him, in fact. That he needs to let himself go a bit, learn to have fun again. Maybe he was right. And maybe this is his chance to start.

‘Why the bloody hell not?’ He downs the rest of his glass. ‘I can’t drink this shit all night though. Got any wine?’

‘Loads.’

As Laura stands to open the fridge, Debbie stands too. ‘I’m going for a wee.’ Then she leaves the room and they listen as she stumbles to the end of the hallway and up the stairs. Laura turns, a new bottle of Chardonnay in her hand. ‘This okay?’

He nods, suddenly awkward alone with Laura, drunk. His heart is thump-thumping wildly and all he can think about is closing the gap between him and Laura.

Stop it, Ben.

But then Laura steps closer and leans towards him and his heart almost stops. He can smell her scent, a musky, vanilla-y scent, and he’s overwhelmed with emotion all of a sudden and he stands, pushes his chair back with a scrape, unsure whether he’s recoiling from Laura or from himself.

‘You okay?’ Laura says, straightening up and handing him a glass.

A glass. Of course. She was getting him a glass.

He sits back down again, his legs feeling like jelly. What is wrong with him? ‘Sure. Sorry.’

She studies him for a moment and he looks up and meets her gaze, takes in her chocolate-brown eyes, her pale, creamy skin. She’s so delicate and he finds it impossible to imagine her with Jim. He’s holding his breath and wondering what Laura is thinking. Is she wondering why he’s staring at her or is she taking him in too, the way he’s looking at her? The whole room stops, suspended, and Ben knows his next action could mean everything or nothing. She licks her lips and he moves an inch closer; he can see the rise and fall of her chest, and the slight reddening of her cheeks. It would only take a split second to press his lips against hers, and—

‘Right, are we going to get pissed, then?’ Debbie’s voice shatters the moment and they both jump as though they’ve been electrocuted.

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