Page 68 of The Love Trick

“Probably because he kissed her in Hawaii and is trying to just go back to just being friends,” Kade interjects. “That never goes—”

“Woah, hold up.” Cam narrows his eyes at me. “YoukissedAddy?”

“Yeah,” I admit, grabbing the back of my neck. “And things have been weird between us ever since. I’m kind of freaking out.”

“Was it just a spur of the moment thing or do you actually have feelings for her?” Cam asks.

“Both, I guess. It’s … complicated. Idohave feelings for her,” I confess. “But I don’t want to act on them. I can’t. We need to just go back to the way things were.”

“Good luck with that.” Kade claps my shoulder. “Because whether you meant to or not, you kind of led her on. And that’s messed up.”

My heart sinks at the thought. I know he’s right, even if it stings to hear.

And I hate that I hurt her.

Yet another reason I’m not cut out for a romantic relationship.

“I didn’t mean to lead her on,” I slump down onto the bench. “Our kiss meant the world to me. I just don’t want to lose her. She’s my …everything.”

My mind fills with all the times in our past that I thought I was in love with her—and all the times I swallowed those feelings. Forher.Forus.Was it the wrong thing to do? Should I have tried to make some kind of romantic relationship work? But what would’ve happened between us had we broken up?

Kade takes a seat beside me on the bench. “If you truly feel that way about Addy, then why wouldn’t you take the next step? I mean, if she’s like family, and you like kissing her, and you can’t stop thinking about her, then just marry her.”

My eyes grow wide. “I can’t just be like, ‘Hey, let’s get married. Let’s skip dating altogether so you’re totally trapped.’ That’s not cool. Or realistic.”

“Yeah, he’s got a point.” Cam chuckles. “That’s a little much. You’d come across like a psycho.”

“A devoted psycho,” Dylan adds. “Some girls dig that.”

“Yeah, no thanks,” I mutter. “Besides, I don’t even knowhowto be a boyfriend, much less a husband. I mean, I’ve had one relationship in my entire life, and I failed at it. Unlike you guys, I didn’t grow up with any examples of a healthy marriage—how could I ever be what Addy deserves?”

“I really think you’re overthinking this whole thing, man.” Dylan shrugs.

“I get your hesitation, though,” Cam retorts. “You guys have been friends forever, and if you were to take that step, it could potentially end the friendship if something went awry. That’s tough.”

“Thank you for understanding,” I say, breathing out a sigh of relief. “It’s been killing me that we’re not normal.”

“Well, if you want to save your friendship, and stand a chance at moving forward at any level, you’re gonna have to be honest with her and tell herwhyyou kissed her andwhyyou don’t want to be more than friends,” Kade adds.

“You’re right. I’ll call her.”

Cam taps his fist on the locker twice. “Okay. Well, you’ll have to let us know how that goes. But first, let’s work out.”

“Got it,” I say with a nod.

I spend the next two hours lost in a heavy metal playlist, pushing myself to my limits. It keeps my mind focused on something other than Addy, though I admit it’s only a temporary fix.

No matter what I tell myself, Iknowin a perfect world, it’d be Addy for me.

And maybe it’ll always be Addy.

Maybe I’ll never find anyone else who gets me like her.

Maybe I’m a coward for being the way I am. I know that, but nobody else understands what it’s like to have literallyno one.I never had parents to come home to. I never had people checking in on me religiously—not until Addy.

Addy is the only person who’s ever made me feel like I mattered, like I was more than just some foster kid with a chip on his shoulder. She knows my flaws and loves me anyway. But even more than that, Addy is smart and driven and fun. She has a way of making everyone feel like somebody. And honestly, she makes me want to be a better person just for the chance to make her proud.

Losing her would be devastating.

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