Page 21 of Double Play

“Wow,”Ace says, his eyes going wide as he leans back into the couch cushions. So, your best friend and your stepsister are banging. And you’re okay with it, but you’re not.”

My brows pull tight. “Iamokay with it. I just told you that.” I came over here because, to be honest, I didn’t want to be alone, and I knew he wouldn’t judge me if I told him the whole story. But the more I played it over in my head, the more I thought it would be a bad idea to give all the details—namely the one where Hawk called me out for being in love with Arden, and I didn’t deny it.

I didn’t deny it because that would make me a liar.

“Yeah, you did,” he replies. “But the look on your face says otherwise. As your much wiser, engaged friend, I can tell when you’re not being completely truthful.”

My mouth presses into a flat line. “You’ve been engaged for five minutes. That hardly makes you wise.” We were all surprised when he popped the question to Lark a few months ago. Not because they aren’t head over heels for one another, because they are. Sickeningly so, actually. It was mainly the fact that they hadn’t known each other for very long that threw us off. But I knew from the first day I saw them together that they were endgame. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out, with the way they look at each other like nothing else matters. It’s the same way I look at Arden.

And the way Hawk looks at her too.

This whole thing is a disaster. If I thought it was torture watching her kiss my teammate in high school when I knew the guy was completely wrong for her, it’s going to be agony seeing her with Hawk. He’s the best fucking person I know, and they’re a perfect match. They understand each other in ways that even I can’t comprehend, and pretty soon, there won’t be room for me in either of their lives.

The words he said before I left have been playing over and over in my head for hours, and it’s making me think about all the things I can’t have.

You know, there’s a strong possibility she feels the same way about you.

He suspects Arden has feelings for me, too. Even if that were the case, then what? We agree to date, live in our cozy little bubble here in Daytona, and then watch everything blow to bits when we arrive at this year’s family Christmas party as a couple? We can’t do that.

Even if we take our parents out of the equation, what about Hawk? Am I just going to steal her away and make him suffer yetanotherloss? I haven’t seen him this happy since I met him. I know it’s because of her. She gives him a reason to fight his demons—a reason to keep going when he’s missing his brothers, and the darkness beckons him closer. Arden is a light. She’s opened him up in ways nobody else ever could.

I’d love to say that there’s a way for us both to have her, but that’s not realistic. When he first told me stuff had gone down between the two of them, my initial instinct was to be jealous. But the more I sat with it, I realized it wasn’t the type of jealousy I expected to feel. To be honest, I’m not even pissed when I think of the fact that they’re probably fucking right now. I’m more upset that he gets to experience her in ways that I never will.

Ways I’ve dreamed of for years.

“Hey, space cowboy,” Ace says, snapping his fingers in front of my face and breaking me from my cruel thoughts. “Where the fuck did you go?”

I shake my head, wanting to get the hell out of this conversation before I end up word-vomiting every detail to my twenty-one-year-old catcher who, until he met Lark, I suspect had never had a girlfriend in his life. Although maybe Ishouldbe taking his advice since he found the one and locked her down in less time than it takes to grow a Chia Pet. I just feel like I need some time to sort through my own emotions before I bring anyone else into this shit. “Nowhere. I’m just exhausted,” I reply, thankful when he lets it go, focusing back on the football highlights that are playing on TV.

“Heard and felt that,” he says, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. “I’m about to thoroughly enjoy the calm before the storm. Gotta recharge the batteries. The road to the World Series is long and bumpy, but we’ve got it in the bag.”

I give him a tight nod, standing and stretching my arms above my head. “I’m gonna dip, man. Thanks for hanging out.”

“Come around more often,” he says. “We live on opposite sides of the same building, and I hardly ever see you unless it’s work-related. Lark’s been spending a lot of time with Monroe, so I’m just kicking back on the couch.” He looks up at me, his blue eyes full of unspoken understanding. “And if you ever need to talk about anything, we’re here.”

I swallow thickly, wishing I knew I wouldn’t be back here some night in the future doing just that. But the truth is, I don’t. I’d like to think that Hawk fulfilling my request to treat her right for both of us will be enough to keep me from feeling so lost over the whole thing. If I were a good friend to both of them, it would be. Even if my own heart shatters in the process.

The walk to our door is short, and I throw up a silent prayer that they’re both in bed when I get inside. Everything is still too raw to deal with tonight. Am I supposed to treat them differently? Will they treatmedifferently? Will we all just pretend it’s not a thing at all? Will everything change? The questions plague my mind as I step into the living room, finding them on the couch, watching what looks to be a cheesy rom-com. Obviously, Arden has the remote, because Hawk would never willingly subject himself to this.

“Hey!” she says, looking over her shoulder to where I’m standing like a fucking statue, unsure of how to act. My muscles ache as I tense up, ready to bolt because everything inside me feels off.Did they fuck before they came down here? Was he good to her?I know he has particular tastes when it comes to sex, and I don’t want him to hurt her. She’s too flawless to be marked up or treated like property. I’ll kill him if he doesn’t give her everything she wants and needs.

I push the thought from my mind, reminding myself that them being together is a good thing. What they do behind closed doors isn’t my business. It never will be.

“Hi,” I reply, waving awkwardly before shoving my hands into my pockets.

“Come on,” she says, patting the free spot on the couch next to her. It’s where I’ve been sitting when we all hang out, with him on the opposite side. “We just started this movie. I’d ask if you want me to go back to the beginning, but I already know the answer. Just come pretend you love it, like you always do. Then we can put on one of your stupid action movies and I’ll fall asleep before the opening credits are done.” She tosses me a smile and I return it, becausefuck. Everything still feels normal.At the very least, I might not lose my best friends throughout this experience, which I need to remember is the most important thing.

I huff a laugh, the tension in my shoulders dissipating as I walk over and sit in my usual spot at her side. She pulls her knees to her chest, curling up before she leans over—into me. Her head rests on my shoulder, and she breathes a contented sigh, focusing her attention on the TV. I chance a quick glance at Hawk, wondering if he’s reacting to her cuddled up against me instead of him. He’s looking, but his expression isn’t what I expect. Instead of annoyance that his girl is pressed into me, his mouth tugs into a satisfied smile before he pulls her feet into his lap.

She sighs as he begins massaging the muscles of her calves, and I instinctively wrap my arm around her shoulders as she relaxes, sliding further down the side of my body. She fits in the space perfectly, humming like she’s never been happier when I mindlessly bring my hand up and smooth it through her hair. It’s not abnormal for us to watch a movie like this, but having him on the other side with his hands on her too is definitely new. By the sounds she’s making, and the way her shallow breaths are beginning to even out, I’d say she isn’t uncomfortable with it one bit.

When the movie ends, Arden is out cold, snoring softly with her body still tucked under my arm.

“I’m going to bed,” Hawk says, carefully removing her feet from where they sit in his lap and sliding out from under her. He stands, raising his arms above his head in a tired stretch. “You got her?” The question catches me off guard because, for all intents and purposes, Arden is his. They may not be official or anything, but I know that’s where they’re headed. So why would he want me to be the one to make sure she gets to bed tonight? He knows she’s a sound sleeper, and that the likelihood of me carrying her to her room is pretty good, since we’ve both had to do it already.

I swallow the lump in my throat. “Yeah.”

He nods tightly, reaching out and smoothing a hand across Arden’s cheek before putting his fist out for me to bump. I do, and then he’s gone, making his way up to his room and shutting the door with a quietsnick.

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