Page 18 of Double Play

“How’d everything turn out with Dr. Wallace?” I ask, looking his way. His gaze stays locked onto the screen, taking several seconds before acknowledging my existence.

“Fine. I’m cleared to play.”

I nod in approval. “That’s good. We need you out there.”

“Yeah.” I can tell something is bothering him, and I hate throwing this whole thing on him when his mind is obviously elsewhere. But I don’t have much time before Arden gets back, and I want to get it all out in case something goes awry.

I clear my throat, pushing the anxious feeling in my chest down as it threatens to rise to the surface. My fingers flex and release on their own, my body looking for ways to channel the nervous energy flowing through me. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

His eyes bounce to me before returning to the TV. “Okay.”

Fuck. Just fucking say it, Hawk. Rip off the Band-Aid.

Swallowing thickly, I try my best to spit it out. “Arden and I…we,” I pause, looking for the right words. “Some stuff happened between us, and I just want to make sure it’s cool with you before we go any further.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” he asks dryly, catching me off guard. I don’t know what kind of reaction I was expecting, but an emotionless one wasn’t it. He’s obviously holdingsomethingback, and I just want to dig it all up so we don’t leave anything unsaid. I’d hate for him to say he’s okay with it when he really isn’t. If not pursuing more with Arden is the only way to avoid irreparably damaging our friendship, then that’s how it has to be. It’ll kill me because I really fucking like her, but I refuse to lose him over this.

“You tell me,” I reply, wishing he’d just say the words. The only thing that pisses me off more than the situation itself is the fact that he refuses to talk to me about it. And now he’s shutting down completely. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

“Nope. Knock yourself out,” he mutters, and that’s the final fucking straw. He wants to act unbothered when his attitude is telling me something different?Not happening.

I reach forward, swiping the remote from the ottoman and powering the TV off. He whips his head my way, his brows pulled tight with anger before standing abruptly and turning to leave the room. He only makes it a few steps before I dart my hand out, grabbing him by the forearm and spinning him back around. “Don’t fucking walk away from me,” I seethe, stepping into his personal space. “Stop being a little bitch and talk.”

He scoffs. “That’s rich coming from you,Mr. Haunted and Closed Off. Getting you to discuss your feelings is like pulling teeth, but you expect me to just pour my heart out when you snap your fingers? What the fuck do you want from me, Hawk?” His entire body is heaving, and if looks could kill, I’d be bleeding to death in the middle of our living room floor. But it’s sure as hell better than what he was giving me a minute ago. At least now, he’s acting like he cares.

“I want you to stop lying to yourself and admit that you’re in love with her!” I shout, shoving my finger into his chest. I take a breath, doing my best to calm myself before I go on. “You can act like you fucking don’t, but I see the way you look at her. Tell me you want to give her everything she deserves, and I’ll back off right now. I’d never fucking go after her if I knew you didn’t want me to. But if you tell me to stay away and have no intentions of doing anything about the way you feel, everybody loses, Jacks. Most of all, her.”

He stumbles backward, falling onto the couch and dropping his head into his hands. “Did you fuck her?” he chokes out. It isn’t lost on me that he’s not denying anything I said, but I understand why he’d want to know how far things have gone between me and Arden.

“No,” I reply. I decide to spare him the details of our night in the kitchen because I doubt he wants to hear them. Maybe that makes me an asshole, but I really don’t want to make this any harder on him than it very clearly is. I know I should feel regret—now that I’m seeing how badly it’s hurting him—but I just can’t find it in me to believe that anything that’s happened with her was a mistake.

He looks up and my heart cracks in my chest. His eyes are shining with emotion, and I can tell he’s fucking crushed. I don’t know the full extent of his history with her, but it’s obvious that he’s conflicted. He won’t let himself have her, but it kills him to see her with anyone else.

I hang my head in defeat. This hurts a hell of a lot more than I expected, but I know what I need to do. “I’d fight anyone for her,” I say quietly. “Anyone but you. I’ll tell her we can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.” Placing my hand on his shoulder as I pass, I walk toward the stairs, desperate to get out of here. This whole thing is fucked, and I need some time alone to sort it out. Arden will be back any minute, and I’m not the kind of guy who can just pretend things are fine when they’re not. I’ll go upstairs and let them spend some time together while I find a way to deal with this shitshow.

“Wait,” he rasps as soon as my foot presses against the first step. I stop, turning toward him as he stands from the couch and comes my way. The tension in the air is thick, and for a second, I think he might knock my ass out. I don’t really blame him, I guess. I’d probably want to hit me, too. But he doesn’t. Instead, he shoves his hands into the pockets of his shorts, looking down at his feet. “If it can’t be me, I want it to be you. You’re good for her and I know you’ll make each other happy.” His gaze finds mine, hardening. “But if you ever hurt her, I’ll kill you.”

A half-smile tugs at one corner of my mouth. “I’d let you. But seriously, if this is going to be hard for you, I’ll just tell her I’m not ready right now. You know, there’s a strong possibility she feels the same way about you. Maybe you should talk to her about it.”

He shakes his head. “I can’t. Our parents would never be okay with it. You have to promise me you won’t tell her about any of this. Just make her happy. Do it for me,please.” His voice cracks on the last word as if he’s struggling to push it out, and I’m torn between respectfully honoring his wishes and shaking his dumb ass until he realizes what he’s about to lose.

I can’t imagine how difficult this is for him right now, but I’ve thought about it a lot, and even if Arden and I decide to be in a relationship, I’d never deny them the chance to be together. If that means having to share her, I’d be okay with it. I won’t push the issue with him now, but if it ever comes back up, I’ll lay it all out for them both.

“Alright,” I reply.

He nods, backing away. “I’m going to go drive around for a bit, then I’ll probably stop by Ace’s. It’ll give the two of you time to talk or…whatever.” I want to protest—tell him not to leave, and that she and I can be alone some other time—but I have a feeling he probably wants some time to himself. This isn’t easy, and I need him to know I understand that.

“Okay. I’ll see you later.” I extend my hand, relief washing over me when he slaps his against it and pulls me into a hug. As much as I shy away from physical affection like this, the gesture brings me comfort, and I feel like once the dust settles, we’re going to be alright. I’m still at war with myself over my feelings for Arden because I know they’re causing him pain, but I can’t just turn them off. The best I can do is treat her the way he’d want me to and hope that, someday, he’ll find the nerve to tell her all the things he’s never been able to say.

Because as much as I want her for myself, I want her for him too.

SIXTEEN

ARDEN

“If you’re not callingto tell me you fucked that tattooed sculpture of a man, I’m hanging up,” Stella says, her not-so-warm greeting filling the cab of my car as soon as she answers the phone. I called her on my way home from the pharmacy because we haven’t spoken since the day after Hawk pulled me into the pantry, and even then, our conversation wasn’t long. We’ve texted—mainly her expecting details of my nonexistent sexcapades—but I haven’t had much time to chat beyond that.

“I regret to inform you that he’s still holding out, but hanging up on me wouldn’t be fair. It’s not my fault,” I reply, flicking on my blinker and pulling out of the parking lot. It’s about a fifteen-minute drive to our building, so I figured I’d try to catch her before she had to be at the hospital for her shift tonight. Stella is an emergency room nurse, and she’s one of the hardest-working people I know. She’s married to her job, so she lives vicariously through me when it comes to sex—which is pretty sad for us both, considering I haven’t been laid since I was in Argentina. The other night with Hawk was the closest I’ve come in over a year. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to. The opportunity just hasn’t presented itself in far too long. At this point, I’m ready to climb him like a fucking tree and let him do unspeakable things to me until I can’t possibly take it anymore.

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