Page 11 of Double Play

I stay put for a few minutes longer, listening as the shower in Arden’s room turns on and wondering if she’s doing okay up there. Panic attacks can be extremely draining on your mind and body, and I hope she isn’t in any pain now that it’s over.

The door swings open, snapping me back to reality as Jackson hobbles through, clearly still struggling with his hamstring. His eyes land on me, still sitting with my elbows resting on my knees in the middle of the entryway. His brows knit in confusion as he drops his bag next to mine.

“What the hell are you doing on the floor?” he asks, and I don’t know what to tell him. I know he’s aware of Arden’s anxiety, but I have no idea if he realizes the extent of it. I’d like to think she’s opened up to him about it now that their friendship seems to be moving in the right direction, but maybe she hasn’t. I know him, and if he was privy to what I walked into tonight, he’d be worried sick, hovering over her and overwhelming her when she needs rest.So, I lie.

For the first time ever, I fucking lie to my best friend.

“I dropped my phone, and it slid under the table.” I reach into the pocket of my sweats, fishing out the device and holding it up like it hasn’t been in there since I walked through the door. I’m a shit liar, so I’m assuming he’ll see right through me, but I think he’s too uncomfortable to care.

“Oh. Okay,” he replies, limping past as I push to my feet. I dip under his arm, letting him lean his weight onto me while I lead him to the couch. “I’m fine, Hawk. I can walk. It’s just sore.”

“I know,” I say. “I’m just helping you get settled. Then I’ll fuck off and you can go back to being impossible.”

He scoffs as I help him turn so he can lower himself onto the plush cushions. “Pot, meet kettle. You’re the most combative person I know when you’re injured. So is Arden. You two are a match made in heaven. Or hell.”

My eyes go wide. “We’re not amatch,” I rush out. “I barely even know her.”

But I know what she tastes like.

“Whose fault is that? We agreed to do better, and you’ve barely given her anything,” he scolds, pulling both legs up onto the couch. “She’s trying, dude. But every time she gets close, you back away. She’s a good person and an amazing friend. She’s not going to hurt you.”

I force an exhale, because would he even be saying this if he knew I just kissed her while she was in such a vulnerable state? He has no idea how aware I am of his feelings for her, but I know. He fucking loves her even though he can’t have her, and I just took something that he’d give anything to experience.

Which makes me undeserving of them both.

TEN

ARDEN

“Just go talk to him,”I mumble as I wear a path into the carpet at the foot of my bed. I’ve been pacing back and forth since I got out of the shower, feeling unsettled about what happened with Hawk. To be honest, I don’t remember much before his lips met mine, but I can still feel them as I consider my next move.

As much as I know he only did it to snap me out of my panic attack, all I can think about is how I wish I could experience that kiss again, this time with full awareness. I’d give anything to feel his hot tongue pressed against mine for just a few more seconds, since I wasn’t in the proper mental state to burn every detail of how he tasted into my memory. But it’s not a possibility, and I need to accept that.

I have two choices right now. I can either pretend it never happened and make shit even more awkward than it’s already been around here, or I can suck it up and address it. He just saw me at my absolute worst, and as embarrassed as I am, it’ll only make me more anxious if I don’t speak to him sooner, rather than later.

“You’re fine,” I say to my reflection in the full-length mirror that stands against the wall. “People have panic attacks every day. He helped you through it. Go thank him and get it over with. You’ll feel so much better after.” I smooth my oversized shirt down my thighs, making sure it’s not too indecent to leave the room. After my shower, my body felt depleted of energy, and the best I could do was toss my hair up in a messy bun and throw on an old, comfy t-shirt with a pair of cotton panties. It’s kind of my post-breakdown uniform, and definitely a go-to look when I’m feeling as exhausted as I am right now.

I give myself one last once-over before walking to the door and taking a deep, calming breath. As soon as I swing it open, I can hear the low hum of the TV coming from downstairs. I assume both guys are here since it’s so late, so I peek over the banister as I pass, seeing Jackson’s messy sandy-brown hair as he rests his head on the couch. His right leg is up on the ottoman, and I honestly can’t tell if he’s awake or asleep. But the lights are off and he looks to be alone down there, so I pad to the other end of the hall, stopping when I get to Hawk’s room. I stand there for far too long, the familiar feeling of dread starting in the pit of my stomach and working its way up my throat until I feel like I’m choking on it.

What if he regrets kissing me? What if he thinks I’m some weak, fragile girl who can’t handle a bad day without having a meltdown? It’s bad enough that he found me curled up on the floor, but the fact that he had to guide me through it is so fucking humiliating.

Just as I’m about to turn and walk away because I simply can’t bring myself to knock, the door swings open, revealing a nearly naked Hawk on the other side. My eyes lock onto his chest first, then roam to the tattoos that decorate both of his toned arms. It’s too dark to make out what they are since the only light is coming from a small lamp next to his bed, but they’re beautiful.He’s beautiful. Each defined muscle is on display, a pair of short black boxer briefs the only thing stopping me from seeing his entire form. I fail miserably at not soaking in every inch of him, including the bulge that’s straining against the tight fabric. I’ve never seen a human being so perfect in my entire life, and I’m in complete awe as he stands before me in all his sexy-as-sin glory. My braless nipples harden under the thin material of my t-shirt, and I let out a shuddered breath as my eyes slide up to his.

“Are you okay?” he asks, snapping me back to reality. My cheeks heat because there’s no way he didn’t notice me eye-fucking his gigantic dick for the last three minutes, but I’m grateful he isn’t pointing it out. I hold his stare, taking note of the concern in his expression as he waits for me to answer.

“I’m—” I say, choking on the words as I nod my head rapidly. “Yeah. Thanks. Goodnight.” I spin quickly, just wanting to get out of here before I humiliate myself further, but I don’t get a single step before his large hand wraps around my wrist and he pulls me into his room, shutting the door behind us.

“Stop hiding from me, Arden,” he says through clenched teeth. “What’s going on?”

I swallow the lump in my throat. The last thing I want is to unload all the bullshit that happened today onto him when things are already so weird between us. I want to have a friendship with him, but he’s not going to want that if he thinks I’m a basket case. I need to keep shit light so he’ll stop acting like he can’t stand being around me.

“Nothing,” I lie quietly. “I just had a bad day at practice. It’s really not a big deal. What happened downstairs…it wasn’t wha?—”

“Stop lying to me,” he whisper-yells, taking a step closer. “I’ve never seen a panic attack that bad before. You were fuckinggone. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to bring you back. So, tell me what the fuck happened.”

Tears fill my eyes, but I blink them away, taking a deep breath and looking down at the floor before speaking. “There’s just so much pressure. My whole team needs me to be perfect, and I’m failing them. I come home at night and replay every single thing I did wrong, racking my brain for ways to fix it, but maybe I’m just not enough.” I look up at him, shaking my head. “I’m losing my mind, Hawk. And then all of that,” I say, motioning toward the door. “You found me freaking out and kissed me, then I practically forced myself on you. I’m so fucking embarrassed. I’m sor?—”

“You think youforced yourself on me?” he says, reaching out and collaring his hand around my throat. It catches me off guard and my eyes go wide as he steps closer, pushing me back until I’m wedged between him and the door. The hard wood cools the scorching skin under my shirt, and my head spins with every heaving exhale that puffs against my lips. “I was fucking terrified when I came inside and saw you on the floor. I’d have done anything to help you. But if you think I haven’t spent every goddamn second since you moved in wondering what you’d taste like, or what sounds you’d make as you rubbed that warm, sweet cunt all over me, you’re wrong. It’s haunted my dreams, Arden.”

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