Page 79 of Finding the Pieces

Forty-five minutes later, we’re sweaty and laughing having fumbled our way through learning a few moves on the pole, nothing too difficult. We mostly learned how to move around the pole, attempting to look seductive while we did so. We eventually tried a small spin move, staying safely low to the ground.

It’s way fucking harder than it looks.

I’ve been to several strip clubs in my life, and the dancers always made this look easy, even when in platform stilettos. I’m barefoot and can barely keep from tripping over my feet and crashing into the pole. I narrowly avoid twisting my arms up trying to get the moves done with the right hand in the right place.

Tessa taught us a simple routine, starting on the floor and working our way around the poles. We run through the steps for the first time all together with music, and Dee screams.

“Holy shit, I knew we’d be hot. Fucking look at us. Okay, new plan. We all quit our boring ass jobs and open a burlesque club—we’ll be co-owners and headliners.”

“This isnothot,” Carissa calls out over the music as she fumbles the steps. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”

“Close your eyes, Bambi, and feel the music. It’s all about confidence. You’ll find your footing,” Dee says, going completely off-script and shaking her ass how she wants, eyes closed and arms in the air.

“I’m with Carissa, my hands are too sweaty for this, I’m going to fall on my face,” Evie says as she clings to the pole with one hand, wiping the other on her leggings, I’m assuming to give her a better grip.

“Ugh, you guys,” Dee whines. “When we start performing together, I’m not going to accept this kind of negativity backstage. Nowtherewe go. Look at Ellie and do what she’s doing.”

“I’m not doing anything,” I say, cheeks turning red at being called out.

“Uh, wrong, you’re showing us exactly how you made that cute kid of yours. Hot damn, Dom isn’t going to be ready for the new moves you’re bringing home,” Abby says, laughing as she drops to her knees and then body rolls back up.

“Someone warn the hubby,” Bec yells as she does a shimmy.

I roll my eyes but can’t contain my smile because…this is honestly one of the most fun things I’ve ever done. I might need to find a studio that offers these kinds of classes at home. Or, you know, take Dee up on her offer, quit working in marketing, and become a burlesque headliner. Same thing.

Chapter forty-one

Ellie

After we finish the dance class Abby organized, Carissa takes over with her plans for the group.

She drives us to several incredible local souvenir shops, giving each of us a scavenger hunt card with general prompts that allow us to all be creative and find things we want to bring home, both for us and our families. My favorite finds are a green and brown plush turtle for Luca, who is officially entering his animal obsession phase, the ornament I plan to use next year for our new tradition—thanks to Aiden—and, of course, a puzzle for Dom. The flat, glass Christmas ornament features three sandy crabs walking down the beach. And the puzzle is of a gorgeous beach sunrise over the water.

I haven’t missed a sunrise yet on this trip, and I’m sure I’ll catch tomorrow’s, too, since I seem to be physically incapable of sleeping in anymore. I spend that time mostly thinking of Luca and Dom. Reflecting on Luca’s life until now and dreaming of what his future holds. The kinds of interests and personality he’ll develop—every day he shows us more and more.

And with Dom…I think of all the cruel things I said in anger, about him and our marriage, and all the things I want to say to make it right. I’ve thought a lot about what he’s said about there still being pieces of myself buried inside. I’m getting closer to finding them, but I still have a lot of work to do.

I need to make a lot of changes before I can build the life I want for myself and my family. I just never imagined how much of that work needed to be done in my own head.

I’m already dreaming of coming back here someday with my husband and my son, sharing this peaceful retreat with them too. I know they’d love it. Luca, so like his dad, would light up with joy and enthusiasm with every new experience. It’s been weird being around two effortlessly happy people when I feel the way I’ve felt. But they make me want to find that again.

We end the day with dinner at one of the more popular seafood spots along the water, much to Bec’s chagrin, who orders theonevegan option on the menu. Guess her commitment tono fishon the menu is going to last a while.

I miss my family, but some time away has helped me reconnect with the more carefree woman I used to be. Today, I’m just someone on vacation with her friends, enjoying the sun, sand, and surf.

After dinner, we return to the beach house for a quiet night. The six of us share a few drinks on the deck while we watch the sunset. We rank who out of the six of us we think can make the most as an entertainer based on the dancing skills we learned none of us have. Carissa makes several pitchers of Moscow mules, and we all inhale the delicious red velvet cake Evie bakes.

The girl can bake.Maybe she can make Luca’s second birthday cake.

My heart pangs with a stroke of grief. That thought alone is more planning than I did for his first birthday. After the uncomfortable edge of emotion softens, relief and a bit of hope take its place. If I’m already thinking of his next birthday party, maybe itwillget easier with time.

“Are you having fun?” Bec asks as she falls beside me onto our shared bed. I roll onto my side, trying to see her in the dark, folding my hands under my cheek. I can only see the outline of where she’s lying next to me, adjusting the covers.

“I’m better today. The first night away from Luca felt a little like torture. I woke up at three in the morning, panicked because I couldn’t hear the white noise from his baby monitor.”

“You should have woken me.”

“Don’t be silly. It was nothing.”

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