Page 78 of Finding the Pieces

It’s easier to talk like this. Like she’s asking the sun questions and I’m answering the ocean. Like I’m writing in a diary, and Evie’s just giving me the prompts, letting me air it all out.

“How selfish I feel. It feels like I should be giving my everything, all the time, to everyone else. The fact that all these little moments are being planned for me. It feels wrong.”

“We don’t know each other well, Ellie, but from an outsider’s perspective, I think you should know you’re anything but selfish. My parents fall on both ends of that spectrum,” she looks at me with a genuinely warm smile, “and you are so much like my mom. Resilient with a gentle, but unmistakable, strength.” Her eyes soften with understanding. “You’re a really good mom, Ellie. Your friends and your family want you to see what they see. It isn’t selfish to be shown how appreciated you are. How loved you are. It’s okay to open your heart and receive it.”

“For not having had many girl friends, you sure are good at it,” I say, emotion stuck in the base of my throat.

“It’s easy with the right group of people, I guess.”

We cheers to that before we’re interrupted by the slider opening again.

Dee pulls the door wide with a loud grunt. “Jesus Christ, why is this so heavy? Morning, dandelions. Carissa is getting some eggs and bacon going. What do you want on your toast? Abby says we’ll need our strength for what she’s got planned, so we’re carb loading.”

These girls make it easy to feel loved.

While we sit around the large dining table, the sun rising just outside the large windows, I take what Evie says and wrap it around the broken voice in my gut telling me to feel guilty for needing this, choosing to receive all the good things instead.

***

“Are you still upset? It was not that bad,” Dee says, exasperated.

“We watched a fishmurder,” Bec whines.

“What did you thinkfishingwas?!” Dee retorts.

“I didn’t think we were beating them to death on the boat!”

“Look, I think we should all be grateful we learned something new,” Dee says with conviction. “Besides, we got a bunch of fresh fish mailed home for us.Plus, we broke a gender stereotype. Six badass bitches, no men, on a fishing adventure? We are hunters. I’m proud of that, Bec Miller. Don’t try to take that away from me.”

Bec gives up on Dee, who is clearly unfazed by her emotional distress, and pleads with Abby. “Please tell me whatever we’re doing today does not involve beating a fish to death.”

“I’m with Bec on this. Sorry, Dee. We’re going indoors for this next one,” Abby says as she turns off the road into a small parking lot.

The building is cute and beachy, otherwise nondescript, except…

“Abby, why are all the windows covered?” Evie asks.

“Time to stretch, ladies. We’re pole dancing today,” she says, sliding the minivan door open with a heave.

“Oh, fuck yes,” Dee cheers, following Abby, the rest of us trailing behind, into the building.

The room is large with mostly open space. Mirrors cover every wall, only interrupted by the occasional window, each covered with bright and bold fabric curtains with sparkly tulle overlays.

“Good morning,” a cheerful voice rings out, before a woman joins us from behind a curtain separating the large space from a room in the back. “Welcome to Christy’s Beaches. I’m Tessa, and one of you must be Abby?”

“That’s me,” Abby says with a wave.

“Nice to meet you. Which one of your friends are we celebrating?” Tessa asks.

“This is Ellie,” Abby says, sidling up next to me with an arm around my shoulder.

“What are we celebrating?” I ask.

“You getting your spark back. What better way than shaking your ass with your girls to 2000s hits. You up for this?” Abby asks, excitement radiating off her.

I nod. “I’m in.” I might not be very coordinated, but I do love to dance. Abby’s a great listener, so I’m not surprised she’s picked up onthat in the short time we’ve been friends since she started working with Bec at the dog training center last year.

“Perfect, I’ll be your instructor today. Let’s get started,” Tessa says, clapping her hands together.

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