Page 122 of Faithful

The caretaker, whose name I find out is Brielle or simply Bri, takes me to the living room where Mina is settled in front of the TV in her wheelchair.

She recognizes me right away, and her expression–though worn out–lights up and with the sluggish movement of her slim hand, she motions for me to sit down.

“Dylan, honey… How are you?”

“I’m fine…” I’m not, but I’m not about to pour out my problems to a woman who can barely move. Especially since I’m not certain how much of what I know she’s privy to. If I were to get a sugar daddy and keep it a secret, I definitely wouldn’t tell my mom. So I better tread carefully.

“What brings you here today?” Mina asks, watching me with her big eyes.

The house is warm and cozy and I’m starting to thaw and have to unzip my jacket. “Kai and I had a fight,” I tell her frankly without giving too much away.

“Oh.” She takes a deep breath, understanding flooding her gaze. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“He’s not answering my calls or texts.”

“I see.”

Truth is yesterday I passed by his loft too, but I realized that he probably instructed the security guards downstairs not to let me in. So it was a wasted effort. I wonder if today’s trip is a wasted effort too.

“I know sometimes he can be… strange,” I begin.

“He can be aloof, yes,” Mina agrees. “He sure loves his solitude too.”

“That he does.”

“That’s how he’s always been whenever he had a new idea for a song. He’d lock himself up and wouldn’t come out for days until he finished it.”

“Sounds very much like him.”

Mina gives me a slow nod. “Why did you boys fight?”

I can’t reveal all my aces just yet. I’m scared to hurt him and his mother, so I have to play it safe. “Just a stupid disagreement about something. He thinks it needs to be done one way and I think differently.”

“Would it be wise to do it differently, though?”

“Probably not wise, but it’s an option we should at least consider. It’s an option that won’t leave us both with nothing.”

“Hmmm.” Mina looks away to the images flashing on the TV. I don’t believe she’s really watching. Just ruminating.

“I know he doesn’t trust I have the guts to turn that… option from an idea into a reality, but I need to try, and I want to talk to him before I do.”

Mina’s attention is back on me. “He’s out of town, honey. He left yesterday. And he didn’t tell me when he’d come back. How about I’ll tell him you stopped by?”

“That would be amazing.”

* * *

Even if Mina kept her promise and passed my message along to her son, it didn’t do jack shit.

I never receive any calls or emails from Kai, not during the New Year’s celebrations, not in the week after. He’s somewhere in Utah getting his head cleared before Iodine hits Canada and then embarks on their first European tour.

A spiritual retreat. That’s what the band’s social media calls this trip.

I call it being a coward.

* * *

Once, on a cold January evening, I drive by his place again, but this time I choose to park down the street and walk into the building and attempt to persuade the guard on duty to let me up to Kai’s floor.

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