Page 121 of Faithful

“See for yourself, Dylan,” Gavin insists.

Hesitantly, I step forward and pick up the envelope. My fingers are trembling as I pull out a stack of photos. They are of Kai. With another man. A much older man, probably in his fifties, with a flabby belly and streaks of gray. Nothing outstanding about him except that he has his dick in my boyfriend’s mouth. Oh, and he also looks vaguely familiar. Or maybe he just has one of those faces.

Something in me cracks. I feel a wave of jealousy coming on despite the fact that these photos must have been taken years ago, probably around the time Ava was still alive because Kai’s hair is much shorter here, just like it was when I met him. He looks different too.

So, this is what he couldn’t bring himself to talk about while sober.

“You traded one whore for another,” my father’s voice says nearby. “At least the one I found you was more discreet.”

“What is this?” I ask dumbly, looking up from the photos and staring at my father. My mind hasn’t stopped racing since the moment Kai said things had to be that way for now last night, and presently it’s running on empty because I’m tired and angry. “Who is this man?”

“Did you ever ask your boyfriend how he paid for that house in Everett?” Gavin’s gaze is hard and determined when he speaks. “A Watson isn’t allowed to get mixed up with this filth, Dylan.”

* * *

I need some fucking answers.

The not knowing is driving me nuts. Obviously, Kai wasn’t celibate before he met me, but part of me is still irrationally upset over the fact he fucked/slept with/saw someone who could literally be his grandpa if he were five years older. Gavin insinuated other things too.

I suppose, I could understands how a mother would feel if something like this about her child came to light. A mother would be disappointed. It’s only natural Kai wants to protect Mina.

Of course, he ignores all my texts and calls for the next few days. And then my rage slowly becomes something else. A withdrawal. A sense of loss, of not being whole.

Without Kai, Christmas is a sad affair, and Leigh’s family is gracious enough to welcome me into their fold. We spend time eating, watching TV, and playing games, and I dutifully smile at my best friend’s parents and praise Mrs. Farley’s meatloaf (although Julie makes a much better one), and soon we are back to work, and things are dull and hopeless and monochrome because Kai isn’t a part of my life, because he won’t laugh at the memes I send him or wake me up in the middle of the night with a random call.

That’s how, one evening, I end up in front of the small fenced-off property in Everett. I was held up at work with the prep for the upcoming gala. We managed to land a spectacular donor—activist Lena Kalchin—after months of pitching to her PR agency.

It’s pretty late, nearly ten. I’m not certain it’s a good idea for me to do this right now, but I’ve been stuck in this limbo for a week and that week of being alone, being without Kai, only reinforced my belief that I don’t care what he did in the past. I truly don’t. Knowing what I know about the night Ava died is enough for me not to hate him the way I used to hate him.

We are not perfect after all.

I spend a good minute in front of the gate, hesitating. Eventually, I let myself onto the property (I’m surprised it’s not locked) and walk down a familiar driveway and toward the front porch, then ring the bell and wait.

It takes a few moments for the light shuffle inside the house to grow into footsteps. Then the door is cracked open, and a young female face I’ve never seen emerges. The caretaker Kai mentioned? She leaves the screen door in place, firmly locked. “Yes?”

“Um, I’m Dylan.” I don’t know how to introduce myself. Kai’s boyfriend? But we’re not together as of now. Kai’s ex? That just sounds weird. Why would an ex be visiting his mother? Besides, we didn’t break up. We were forced into this distance. Kai’s friend? Friends don’t fuck bareback and then tell each other the L word.

“I’m sorry, but you must have the wrong house,” the woman says since I fail to produce a timely explanation as to why I’m standing on her porch.

“No, no. I have the right house. Is Kai here?”

She narrows her eyes at me. “No one by that name lives in this house.” She’s probably used to deflecting Iodine fanatics.

“I’m not what you think I am.”

“You should go before I call the police to report you for trespassing.”

I whip my arm out and pull up the sleeve of my winter jacket to show her my left wrist. “I’m Dylan.”

She stares at the tat, then returns her gaze to my face and says in a softer voice, “He’s not here.”

“Frankly, I didn’t expect him to be. His car isn’t in the driveway. He's most likely in the studio.” I motion to the snowy stretch of yard behind me. “Well, at least that’s what his social media states.” That all five of them are working on new music. How much of it is true is yet to be determined.

The woman finally unlocks the screen door and allows me inside after I ask her if I can speak to Mina.

“You’re just in time. I was about to put her to bed,” she explains. “But she hasn’t been feeling well these past few days, so if you could please make it quick?”

“It won’t take long. I promise.”

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