Page 108 of Faithful

“Hey.”

He stares at me with his rain cloud eyes. “Right back at you.”

“Let’s go.”

We drive in silence for a bit with some Nick Cave crooning in the background and Kai smoking. He’s got fresh nail polish and he’s wearing a long black coat with muted silver studs that run down the length of the lapels. His hair is loose and the idea of him all brooding showing up at the Blue Sun Project office makes my pulse race. But he seems a little diminished today. I don’t know if it’s the lack of jewelry or the lack of eyeliner or something else entirely. I can’t put my finger on it yet.

He doesn’t torture me for long.

At the next light, once we clear the turn, Kai steers the vehicle to the side of the road, and we come to a complete stop.

“What happened?” I ask, assuming there’s a car problem.

We’re stopped beneath a spill of light falling from one of the streetlamp posts and it’s snowing now.

Kai shifts the gear into neutral, his gaze firmly on the windshield.

The muscle in his jaw tightens and I realize something is going on and it’s not a vehicular malfunction.

“Hey.” I lift my hand to rest it on his shoulder, but he begins speaking before I get to touch him.

“Are you absolutely sure you’re ready, Dylan?” His eyes are still avoiding mine, his white-knuckled hands clasping the wheel.

I feel my heartbeat jumping, changing speed. “Where is this coming from?”

“Are you ready for people to know about us? About you?”

“I am.”

Kai turns to me then. “Or is it your way of telling your father to go fuck himself?”

“What do you mean?” I glare at him open-mouthed, as if he just revealed the fact he’s an alien. The realization comes a few seconds later. “Seriously? You’re asking right now when we’re two miles away from my work?”

“When do you think I should be asking? At the fucking party, in front of your coworkers?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Frustration slams itself against the walls of my mind. “You told me what you wanted. A relationship that’s not a secret. You have it. What else do you want? My fucking heart? You have that too. I’ve got nothing else to give!” It’s loud, my speech. The last bit drowns out every other sound, including Nick Cave.

There’s a moment of stillness where Kai and I glare at each other furiously.

Clothes whisper and boots scuffle against the floor as his body jerks forward. His hands wrap around me, fingers pressing into the soft tissue of my throat and cheeks. He holds me just like this, in his sloppy chokehold. Our faces are inches apart, noses almost brushing.

“Make no mistake, Dylan,” he says in a voice that’s a combination of both sexy and dangerous. “I love you. I don’t even know why. I just do. And I want things to be simpler. But I don’t want to be a pawn in your game with your father, or for you to go out of your skin to please me now and end up suffering later. Do you understand?”

I swallow against his grasp, and he loosens it a little, the pressure of his palms becoming a soothing warmth. “So which one is it?”

“It’s both.” Kai pushes his cheek against mine. “I don’t want you to regret this two weeks later.”

“I won’t.”

“And if I’m not in the picture?”

“What are you talking about?” I draw back and his hands release me altogether and it’s me now grabbing at his coat, twisting the fabric. “What’s this shit? About you not being in the picture? Where the hell are you going?”

“Nowhere.”

“Then fucking explain.” A tremor runs down my back.

“There’s only one good reason why you should be coming out, Dylan. Just one and it shouldn’t be the other person or revenge or whatever the fuck else there is. People do it on a whim and then they can’t take it back. You do this for you and you alone and you promise yourself to be content with your decision even if your relationship falls apart.”

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