Page 109 of Faithful

“Why are you setting us up for failure before we even do this?” I demand.

“You misinterpreted me. I’m simply trying to make you understand that your desire to be yourself shouldn’t be tied to me.”

“It’s not. Okay?”

“It has to be the right time.”

“Tonight is that time.”

Kai shuts his eyes and I let go of his coat. Neither one of us moves for a good minute. Eventually, I rearrange myself in my seat and he lights up a cigarette and cracks the window open to allow the smoke out.

“It’s not too late to cancel,” he says after a while, turning to look at me and perhaps I’m imagining it, but there’s profound sadness in his gaze and I feel it deep in my bones.

“Is that what you want?” I ask with trepidation.

Kai shakes his head and shoves his wrist outside into the dancing snow, cigarette between his fingers. “No. I want to be able to kiss you backstage in front of everyone after each show we play.”

“Then why do you keep bringing it up?”

“Because it’s going to be hard, babe.”

“As long as you’re with me.”

“I’m with you. I’m not going anywhere.”

He smiles then.

* * *

We’re the last ones to arrive at the party.

There’s a small lot in the rear of the building that belongs to the business next door, and they don’t allow anyone to use their spots unless it’s after they close for the day, which is currently the case. Everyone in their office is gone, and we park there simply because it’s a risk leaving Kai’s car out front where he can be easily spotted by paparazzi. Or fans.

I mean I don’t know if they’re aware what vehicle he drives, but with crazy people going to unimaginable lengths to obtain information on Iodine’s front man, it's just one less thing to worry about.

We use the back door to enter the building and walk down the shared corridor until we reach the emergency exit that leads to the bowels of Blue Sun Project’s office space. I call Gin’s cell to ask her to let us in since no one but she has the keys to unlock this door from the outside.

Kai is quiet.

He’s been fairly calm since his freak-out earlier, but I sense there’s a lot more happening underneath the surface and perhaps we can talk about it later. We really should.

The panic bar on the other side clicks and Gin’s face pokes from the crack along with the muffled sounds of laughter and music.

“Boys?” She examines us quickly, her eyes widening a little when they land on Kai.

There’s a long speechless pause.

“Please don’t stare,” I mutter, shoving my fists into the pockets of my winter coat.

“Well, he’s very pretty,” she says, slipping into the corridor. “Why would I not?”

A hand is thrust at Kai.

He shakes it with a nod and offers his name.

“Oh, I’m aware of who you are.” Gin laughs softly. “Everyone is.”

Kai smiles. “Unfortunately.”

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