Page 107 of Faithful

I end up falling asleep upstairs in Kai’s bed. Dressed. Because I’m beat from working a lot of odd hours right now. The preparations for the Children’s Hospital Opening Gala sort of just blew up on us this week with people suddenly wanting to donate and participate as part of their holidaygiving back to the communityspirit.

I get a voice message from Kai around nine. He simply tells me not to wait up. The guys are in the zone.Hits different tonight, if you know what I mean.Those are his exact words and then the recording ends abruptly when Finn’s voice calls out.

With the takeout boxes safely hidden in the fridge, I climb back upstairs and pass out on top of the bed covers only to wake up some time later to the feel of familiar hands wandering around my body, slipping underneath the hem of my T-shirt, and resting against my stomach.

“What time is it?” I say hoarsely, blinking against the muted stripe of light spilling from the bedside lamp.

Clothes rustle and the mattress dips. Kai spoons me gracefully like a cat, then brings his mouth to the back of my neck and whispers into my skin. “Very late.”

The touch sends a charge of pleasure down my back, and I press myself into his embrace to soak up this closeness that I’ve been denied ever since the L word came into the equation.

“Go back to sleep,” Kai insists.

For a second there, my mind fights slumber, intent on staying lucid because that’s how my consciousness can revel in the idea of him being right here with me and bathe in his scent, musky with a touch of cologne and cigarette smoke.

But it’s a greater struggle than I expect. Besides, Kai’s arms, wrapped around me in a way that leaves no room for interpretation, assert total possession and give reassurance he’ll still be here when I wake up.

I know we need to talk. We’ve never really sat down and examined the concept of us outside the bedroom. Is he my boyfriend? Can I hold his hand in public? Can I call him sweetheart in front of others? Can I take photos of us and share them with my friends?

These are the questions swirling inside my head as I slowly fall back asleep.

* * *

Kai is up before me the following morning and I’m awoken by the sound of the shower. A quick glance at my phone tells me it’s still pretty fucking early, and I have probably another hour before I need to get ready for work, but I choose to join Kai.

There’s a quick and efficient blow job in the stall with me on my knees for a change and his head rolling back and slamming against the wet wall as he cries out during his orgasm. My own orgasm follows moments later with the help of his hand. The waves of pleasure rocking through my body are so intense that I nearly fall during an unfortunate palm slip. I right myself just in time, coming onto his expert fingers with a broken gasp.

No talking happens this morning. None whatsoever, unless you count all the dirty words Kai says to me in the shower before reality sets in and we are rushing through the rest of the morning ritual to get ourselves to work on time.

He’s headed to the studio, and I’m headed to the office.

After Christmas, I promise myself as I drive through the snow-covered streets of Seattle. I’ll tell him after Christmas.

* * *

The party at work is on Wednesday at eight, just two days before Christmas Day, and Winona and Gin remain at the office to put the finishing touches to the space while Val and I go out to grab some refreshments. Since I don’t need all three hours to make two stops, I swing by my apartment to change into something more presentable than a pair of old jeans and a sweater.

Obviously, I can’t measure up to Kai’s sense of fashion that stems from so deep within him that I’m not certain he and his style can be separated, even when he’s not on stage. But I do my best to fix my hair and pick better pants, the ones that hug my ass. So I want to look nice for him—fucking sue me. Besides, what’s the point of having a decent body if not to show it off once in a while?

Kai picks me up from my place at seven thirty on the dot.

For someone who can be as random as he is, this is quite an achievement. Perhaps he is treating tonight the way I’m treating it–with great importance.

It’s not every day a young man feels brave enough to bring his famous boyfriend to meet his coworkers who don’t even know he’s gay. And it’s not every day that famous boyfriend, who guards his private life like it’s Fort Knox, allows strangers into his world. So yes, I’d say showing our faces at this party together is a big fucking deal. For both of us.

We just haven’t talked about it. Yet.

The string of events that led us here, to this decision–that typically requires a whole lot more internal struggle and rumination–unfolded so quickly. Sure, the journey had its fair share of bumps and misunderstandings, but it didn’t take me long to figure out the next step, and even if the timing sucks, it’s too late to retreat.

We’re doing this.

And we’re doing this on our terms.

Those are my thoughts as I climb into Kai’s Dodge Caravan. I’m both nervous and excited.

I haven’t seen him since the night at his loft when I invited myself in. He’s been a little absent lately, more than usual, but I credit the changes in his mood to the creative process. Music requires his full participation.

The street is lit up and filled with Christmas lights but empty of pedestrians, and I dare to kiss his mouth by way of greeting.

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