Page 105 of Severance

Later that morning, I wake up to a throbbing pain between my legs and a bunch of Instagram notifications.

My phone’s clutched in my hands and my heart’s pounding, and I spend a good minute following a stray ray of light as it dances across my desk, because going downstairs terrifies me.

Parts of me still struggle with the fact I’m not a virgin anymore, and there’s a dash of guilt lurking somewhere deep inside, but parts of me are happy we did it, because the wait was killing me.

I open my Instagram to see what’s causing this sudden surge of likes and follows. Surely, people don’t care about my photos of cupcakes.

My gaze scrolls down to the tag from six this morning that prompted the long string of notifications and I realize it came from Dakota’s account. My heart jumps into my throat—the fact that he tagged me in his Instagram post hours after we had sex for the first time makes me feel a bit weird.

I click on the thumbnail and stare at the post. Dakota uploaded one of the selfies he took in the kitchen last night of our smiling faces next to each other, flour and all.

My insecurities come crashing in on me like a tidal wave. We’ve never posted any photos of us on social media and I’m not sure how to feel about it yet. My gaze drops to the bottom of the post to look at the caption. There’s nothing there except for a bright red heart emoji. Emotions jam my chest.

Ignoring the comments, I close the app and dial Jess.

“Are you avoiding me?” Her tone is far from sweet. She’s like my mother, my second mother who gets mad if I don’t tell her all my dirty secrets.

I don’t give her any sort of a warning. I just need to get this out. “We had sex.”

“Oh…shit.” Jess pauses. “Are you okay? You don’t sound okay.”

“I don’t know,” I confess. “It’s odd. It was good until, you know…the important part.”

“Did he go down on you before the important part?”

“Yes.”

“Did you use a condom?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then you’re fine, babe.”

“I just feel so confused right now.” I lower my voice. “Like there was something wrong with me because it didn’t really happen at the end like it was supposed to.”

“You didn’t come. Is that what you mean?” I hear a sigh on the line. “Girl, you can’t expect your first time to be like in the books. It fucking hurts and it’s not all that great until you try it a few more times. Practice makes perfect. I told you that.”

“Yes.”

“He’s not some magician who knows what buttons to press right off the bat to make you orgasm every five seconds, but if he got you ready and didn’t just stick it in, you’re already ahead of the game. You’ll get the hang of it.”

I giggle at her choice of words.

“What are you laughing at?” she asks. “Always make sure he follows the checklist. First oral, then condom. If he’s skipping at least one, he’s a selfish prick in bed. Oh, and bonus points when he’s not insisting on a blowjob if you’re not offering.”

“No, he didn’t just stick it in and he didn’t insist on a blowjob.” I continue to laugh.

“I’m telling you. Some guys are like that. They don’t care about your V-card. They just want to fuck you like you’re a bag of potatoes. Austin was like that. Asshole never gave me oral. Not once.”

My cheeks start to burn. Jess tends to get very explicit with her explanations at times, but she’s never told me any of these details about her first boyfriend. Maybe because he was such a huge disappointment. She was fifteen when she lost her virginity and he was seventeen. They dated for about a month and then went their separate ways. I’m not even sure she’s still friends with him on Facebook or has his number.

“He posted a photo of us on his Instagram at six this morning,” I say.

“Really?” Jess cheers up.

“Yeah.”

“I’m telling you he’s in love up to his ears. You should call him.”

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