Page 83 of Enemies, Lovers & A Valentine's Baby

Now it doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice.

I pull myself together, pushing off the floor and standing on shaky legs. My body feels heavy, but I force myself to make my way into the kitchen. The fresh pineapple juice I made earlier sits in the fridge, and I pour myself a glass, grateful for the small comfort. It’s the only thing my stomach has tolerated these past few days.

No matter how difficult everything feels right now, I owe it to myself and to these tiny lives growing inside me to stay strong. To take care of all of us.

I never dared to hope for this. It felt selfish, like asking for too much, wishing for something that could never happen. But it’s here, a miracle I never saw coming.

Everything happening with Cole has clouded my view, making me almost lose sight of how truly special this is.

I can’t blame Cole. I want to, for believing those terrible things about me, but I know I never could. Hating him anymore isn’t possible. Not after getting to know the real Cole. He was already a gift, a reminder that I was still capable of love even after everything I’ve been through. How can I hold his reaction against him when I know his struggles, his fears?

It was foolish to hope for something different, to expect a man with such fragile trust to respond with anything but doubt.Foolish to think he could set aside his past long enough to see me for who I really am.

But it’s no longer just about me. My emotions, my fears, they don’t come first anymore. I have to shift my focus, because these babies deserve all of my energy, my love, my attention. I refuse to let worries make my once-in-a-lifetime memories pass me by.

If Cole can’t face the truth of this, if he refuses to be part of it, that’s his choice. I won’t fight him on it. If not being part of his life is what I need to do to give my children the love and stability they deserve, then I’ll walk away without a backwards glance.

He’s never going to trust me again. I could see it in his eyes as he walked out of this house.

I don’t know if there was ever truly a chance for a future between us. I dreamed of it, hoped for it, clung to the idea that maybe it could be real. But deep down, I think I always knew the truth.

In the end, it could only ever be just that.

A dream.

Chapter 36

Reckoning

Lila

Maybe it’s because there were so many activities crammed into it, but the rest of the week seemed to roll by in the blink of an eye. It still feels like it was just yesterday I was curled up on the couch breaking my baby news to Sue over the phone, trying to protect my eardrums from her exited squeals. Now it’s already Saturday the 14th, Valentine’s Day, and I’m standing in front of my bedroom mirror, trying to reconcile the image staring back at me.

I smooth my hands down my dress. I picked out this dress months ago, dreaming about how fairytale-like it was going to feel wearing it, but now that the moment is finally here, I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t belong in it.

The dress is gorgeous for sure. Clinging to me perfectly, its silvery trails along the fitted dress shimmer, seeming to catch the light even in my small bedroom, and throwing it back like tiny fireworks. I can only imagine how much more so it will in that beautiful hall.

It’s not the dress that doesn’t fit. It’s me. Right now I feel messy and uncertain, and this dress doesn’t look like it was made for someone like me. It’s too perfect, too polished, and I feel like a fraud for even putting it on. Like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not—some polished, put-together version of myself that doesn’t exist.

I look down at the clear heels hugging my feet, seemingly shimmering with their own magic, then back to the mirror at my hair tumbling around my shoulders in soft waves, framing my face with soft elegance. I force myself to smile, my teeth flashing white against the crimson red of my lipstick.

I exhale slowly again, counting back from ten in my head. The real reason for my unease is the fact that it will be the first time since he left my house that day that I’ll be face to face again with Cole.

How am I going to react when I see him? How will he? Is he going to look at me the same way he did just before he walked out of my house and by extension, my life?

Does he still hate me?

“Stop it,” I whisper harshly, as if scolding a wayward child.

I suck in a deep breath, holding it until my lungs ache, then slowly exhale. “It doesn’t matter, Lila. You’ve got this,” I say firmly, staring myself down in the mirror. “You don’t need him. If he doesn’t want to be a part of you and your babies’ lives, then so be it. What you’re not going to do is beg him to change his mind. If he thinks you’re a liar, then he doesn’t know you, and if he doesn’t know who you are, he’s not worth your time.”

My voice is steady, but my eyes look uncertain. Still, I hold my gaze, refusing to look away, willing myself to believe the words I’m saying.

I have worked my butt off to pull off this event, and now that it’s finally here, I’m going to have a good time with my sister and best friend, at least before Greg whisks her away to unveil his own surprise for her.

If that means staying on the other side of the room hiding from Cole the entire night, then so be it.

What if he doesn’t even show up?

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