Page 266 of As The Shifter World Turns

“Maybe… can I… I don’t know, can we swap apartments sometimes so that I can live with them too? It’s not fair to ask them to move, not with all they have already been through.” And 3B was way too small for two kids and me. Also, I still wasn’t sold on Charlie going back and forth being the best for him.

“Perhaps you could move back in. We wouldn’t be together. That’s off the table for now, but we could co-parent and maybe rebuild things over time?”

“How would that work—I mean I want that so badly, but how do we not cross lines like we did the other day?” I was ready to jump back in and start anew, but if we were going to do this right, I understood all the reasons not to.

“Two beds? No dates brought home.”

I flinched at his words.

“No dates?” he added as a question.

There would never be any dates, except with Neil, but I agreed. “No dates. And I know it wouldn’t be easy for you to have me here, but can we do that? At least while we’re figuring this all out?” He gave me a single nod.

“I promise you, I will do everything I can to be the person you need me to be.”

I just had to hope that that was enough.

We spent hours discussing the details as to how we were going to make this work. In the end, I wasn’t moving in just yet. We needed to talk to the kids, mainly Toby and then make the apartment suitable for us to be here as basically roommates who love each other and are raising a family together.

And one day, maybe, just maybe, we could be more.

Ivor

“Thanks for coming with me,” Martin said as he backed out of the parking spot. “I’m trying not to pressure Neil and things like this, I think it adds some.”

I was loving that the two of them were trying to figure this whole thing out. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I’d have been able to if I had been in Neil’s position. Martin had been a certifiable ass. Sure the blind article had been bullshit and then the guy deserved that punch, but it was long before then that he had turned into someone I didn’t even recognize.

“It’s good that you are going,” I affirmed. “Counseling can be really great. It made a difference for me.” It had saved my relationship with Ryder, if I was being honest.

“It did? You don’t go anymore?”

I couldn’t even be mad at him for being rude or anything, because he wasn’t. He was information seeking as he started this new journey.

“Things have been difficult lately. With Ryder, I mean.” I hated watching all the things that were supposed to help, only making him sicker. The doctors kept telling us it was the path we needed to take, but after our last visit with the oncologist, I wasn’t so sure.

The radiation? It wasn’t getting the job done the way the doctor hoped. He tried to make it sound like it was just a stumbling block, but at night, while Ryder tossed and turned in his sleep making little noises as if he was in pain, it felt like more than a stumbling block. Had he not had plans with Daire to watch a movie today, I wouldn’t have left him to come with Martin. It felt like every minute I spent with my mate might be my last and that was a terrible feeling that wrapped around every decision I made.

“Don’t you think that maybe it means you might need it more?” Coming from most people I’d have just said I’d think about it and move on.

Martin might be in a bad place now, but he had been in a worse one. He lived my biggest fear when his mate died, leaving him to live in a world that lost its sunshine. He understood the stakes better than anyone.

We pulled to a stop at a red light.

“You’re probably right.” I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “But also I don’t want Ryder to worry about me. He has enough on his plate.”

He started driving again and silence filled the car, neither of us talking until we reached the new therapist’s clinic.

“I was trying to figure out words of wisdom, but I don’t have any. Shit, I don’t come close to having my life together and I need to bring a friend with me to work up the strength to go into that office.” He turned off the car and faced me. “I guess what I’m saying is if you need me to be that friend, I can’t promise I will be the best one on this planet. I’ve made a lot of mistakes this year, but I can promise you this; I will be there to walk you in or make the appointment or distract Ryder or whatever it is you need.”

My eyes filled with tears. He was right, Martin had been a shitty friend, dad, and mate this past year, but deep down he was a good guy and his offer was genuine.

What I was going to do with said offer, I had no idea, but having it on the table meant more to me than he could ever know.

PART 4

121

JUST THE TWO OF US

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