Page 3 of Anytime I Want

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I sit at the base of the tree the entire next day, doodling on my paper and coming up with more items for the list. I wait the entire day for Graham to bring me a lollipop. He doesn’t ever come. I hug my knees to my chest and try to convince myself it doesn’t matter and that I don’t care. But I do care. It does matter. My heart is breaking for the first time. I feel the tears pricking at my eyes. I take a minute to hug myself, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, Graham will show up.

“Julia! Dinner!” my mom calls. I take a deep breath and wipe my face.

He didn’t mean it when he said he'd be my boyfriend. He got distracted. This is why I need the list. If a boy will do all these things, there’s no way they don’t mean it.

Chapter 3

Julia

“Can I do your hair?” Chloe asks, while I lay on my bed, staring at my closet without really seeing anything. The fan creaks a little, spinning fast enough that I’m worried it could fall from the ceiling onto my yellow bedspread. I turn my head so I can see Chloe sitting in the chair in the corner. She’s spinning back and forth, using my desk as an anchor, switching from looking at my shelf to looking out the window.

“Sure. Wanna get me my clothes too? I’m too tired to get up.”

“Tired?” Chloe scoffs. “Try lazy.”

“Fine. I am too lazy, and if I have to get up to pick out my clothes, I’ll use all the drive I have, and I won’t make it to the football game tonight. So if you want me to go, you have to pick out my clothes.”

“Well, with logic like that!” Chloe bounces off my desk chair over to the closet. “Definitely need to go with orange. Duh. School colors.” Chloe spends the next twenty minutes digging through the closet, scoffing and rolling her eyes at most of the outfits.

“Uhm, are you trying to hurt my feelings? If so, you are crushing it,” I say. “There are some super cute things in there. Besides, football game. I don’t need to be fancy. Pass me a school shirt and some jeans.”

“Ha! No. Leave it to me,” Chloe says, as she unearths a denim skirt from the giant pile.I need to clean out my closet,I think as I watch Chloe hold up shirt after shirt.

“Okay. Here you go: jean skirt, school shirt, Converse shoes. Cute, casual, appropriate for a football game. I’m a genius, meeting in the middle. And this outfit will definitely make a certain someone pay attention.” She passes me the clothes and ushers me into the bathroom to change before I can respond. “I’ll heat up the curling iron.”

A few minutes later, I am sitting at the desk in my room, listening to Chloe gush about the boys on the football team while she does my hair and makeup. I want to tell her that I don’t care if Graham notices me, but I know her. First, she’ll say, “If you don’t care, why did you bring it up?” And then she’ll say, “Who said anything about Graham?” I chew on my lip, trying to focus on what she’s saying.

“I love football games—the muscles, the aggression, the tight pants.” She wiggles her eyebrows in the mirror.

“What about the actual sport?” I tease.

“Meh. It’s a means to an end. If it’s the only way I can see those boys, then I’m a fan! Besides, you know that I don’t really like sports. Just boys.” She drops the last piece of hair from the curling iron. “Okay! Beautiful. And you know who else is going to think you’re gorgeous? Grah-am!” Chloe sings his name as she spins me around to see my reflection.

“Well, I am sure he’ll tell me so. And every other girl there,” I grumble, taking in my hair and makeup.

“Why can’t you just admit you like him? I know you do. Just say it. It’ll be cathartic.”

“I don’t. I can’t.”

“You can’t?” Chloe asks. “I am pretty sure you can. Repeat after me. I…” She pauses, waiting for me to copy her.

“I… am not doing this. I can’t,” I huff, frustrated.

“You can’t?” Chloe scoffs.

“Yes, I can’t. Leave it.”

“Ha. Well, your loss. He’s a great guy. I know, I know, you’ve heard it all before,” Chloe says. “But it obviously didn’t stick. He’s awesome and hot. You’re awesome and hot. Match made in high school heaven.”

I turn to pick up my shoes and slowly stand up, feeling my face flush. I quickly bite my lip to stop the smile I can feel coming on, the smile that always appears when I think about Graham.

“Hey, Julia?” Chloe says, after a minute of silence.

“Yeah?” I look up while putting on my shoes.

“You know there’s a mirror right there? I could see your face. That was a very telling smile.” Chloe smirks.

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