Page 64 of Anytime I Want

“But.” She draws out the word to tease me for interrupting. “Have you considered that maybe she doesn’t deserve you? You’ve done all this work, all these things to show her that you’re worth it, you’re trustworthy, and she still doubts you.”

I feel my jaw drop, not sure what to do with this information. How could anyone think it is possible that Julia isn’t good enough for me? Alani places my hat on my head and kisses my cheek.

“Don’t doubt yourself, Graham. You aren’t flawless, but you are awesome. Remember that. I’m here if you need a reminder.” She squeezes my shoulder before walking back to sit in the shade by the edge of the beach.

***

I load my bag onto the agriculture scanner at the entrance of the Honolulu airport. It goes through without any problems, and I take it over to the kiosks. I am going through the motions, not paying attention to anything around me. My parents try to engage with me, but I just can’t. Well, I could, but I’m not willing to. I can’t stop thinking about my conversation with Alani.

We pass through security and are sitting in our seats on the plane when my mom gasps and shows my dad her phone. My dad nods his head in approval, giving it a closer look.

“What is it?” My parents look at me in surprise, and I realize it’s because I have barely talked to them all week.

“Uhm. Nothing. Just a picture from Theresa. You’ll see soon enough.” My parents exchange a glance, and Dad wipes his mouth, trying to hide his smile.

I furrow my brow and pull out my phone. I read through my text strand with Julia for the millionth time this week. I look at the pictures we’ve taken together and smile sadly at her flirty messages. I’m acting like I’m in a teenage rom-com, but I’ve decided to embrace it. After about an hour of scrolling, I lean back and drift off to sleep, my dreams full of Julia before everything fell apart.

***

We pull up to our house around seven in the morning, and I glance over at the Pritchetts’ house. I am sure that Nathan will come over later, but first, sleep. I try to sleep on planes, but I’m not that good at it. My dad is out before we are airborne and stays out the entire time. My mom doesn’t even try and is happy to listen to a book while knitting or crocheting or something with yarn.

“Graham. Help carry the bags,” my dad says, giving me no option but to do it. I grab mine and my mom’s, hauling them into the house.

“Just leave them there. Run up to your room.” Mom looks way too excited for me to sleep.

“Okay. Thanks.” Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I make my way into my room and am so excited for the black-out curtains. I fall onto my bed without turning on the light and let myself drift off to sleep… for about two minutes before Mom bursts in.

“Graham! What are you doing?” she screeches.

“Sleeping?”

Mom turns my lights on, and I stare at my walls, not comprehending what I’m seeing. My eyes flit from picture to picture, seeing me and Julia interspersed with notes. I sit up and start reading the notes.I really like your hair. I love when you smile at me. It makes my stomach flip.I see a picture of us at the football game with Chloe and Nathan. Us at paintballing.I loved watching you complete The List. I remember you defending me and my ghost costume. Making cookies with me in a storm. Writing me love notes.

At this point, I am standing in my room, spinning slowly trying to take it all in. There are current pictures, plus some from preschool, elementary school. There are group pictures from vacations and yearbooks. It must’ve taken her hours to find all of these and write these notes. On my closet door there is a poster board that reads, “Reasons I fell for you. Love, Julia.” I start laughing, taking it all in.

“Graham! Again, what are you doing? Go get the girl!” Mom shouts, and I rush past her. I run across the side yard connecting our houses and run into the door. I try to open it as I am going, but it’s locked. I bang on the door, and after maybe twentyseconds, the door flies open to Uncle Connor. I take a step back because he looks angry.

“Do you know what time it is, son?”

“Uhm, no, not really. I just really need to see Julia.”

“Julia is sleeping. Come back later.” He swings the door closed and I hear Julia say, “No, I’m awake!” I push on the door, and it opens to Julia. My Julia. She has her hair half curled, the rest in a messy bun on top of her head. I’ve spent enough time around her to know this means she’s half done. She’s wearing a ratty t-shirt and sweatpants, and no makeup with a slightly embarrassed smile. She has never looked more beautiful and I tell her so. She smiles, her cheeks turning slightly pink.

“Welcome home. How was your trip?”

“My trip? That’s what you want to talk about?” I grab the bottom of her shirt and pull her toward me. She takes a small step.

“Yes, your trip.” She bites her lip, and I let out a quiet groan. It’s been way too long since I’ve kissed her. “What else would we talk about?”

“Okay, sure. I went to the beach, we had kalua turkey, and I went to the same Korean restaurant every day. We ate ice cream, shopped at a swap meet, and went to the beach some more. Good? Now can we talk about the pictures and the notes?” I tug on her shirt again, and she stumbles into my chest.

She looks up at me through her lashes. “I’m sorry Graham. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. You are an amazing guy, and you have always been there for me. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before. I think I just like you so much that I was scared, and that was a reason that made sense. But it didn’t actually make sense at all. I’m sorry. I am going to do everything I can to prove to you that I won’t change my mind. I’m in this.”

“Julia.” But she keeps talking, telling me about how she came to this great realization. “Julia.” I say again, this time coveringher mouth with my finger. “I love you.” Tears fill her eyes, and she launches into my arms.

“I love you, too,” she says before pressing her lips to mine. I bring my hands into her hair and let the strands run through my fingers. Julia shivers and I smile, knowing that I caused it.

I pull back and push the hair out of her face, framing her cheeks with my hands. “Do you know what this means? Now you can kiss me.” Her eyes light up, and her lip twitches.

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