Page 62 of Anytime I Want

Graham

I’m there if you want me there.

Well, at least he answered. I try to come up with something to say back, but all I can think of is “climb any good coconut trees”, and that doesn’t seem appropriate given the circumstances. I lean back in my chair, staring at my ceiling. My room is still decked out like a castle, and I stare at all the little details. I know that Mom and Aunty Em helped, but it was his idea.

I grab my notebook and start reading through it. When I get to the last page, I glue a few more notes in and start writing about the promposal and building me a castle. I pull out my copy of the list and cross off those two items. I read over it and realize the only thing left is number ten: Take me to a ball and dance with me when everyone is watching.

He was there, hugging me when I was terrified at the hospital. I think about how safe I felt when he was hugging me and howgrateful I am that he was there. My mind wanders to when Ginger got there, how she rushed to his arms. It hurts my heart to think about it, but I make myself. I push myself to think about it more and try to imagine it from her perspective. What if it was my grandma there? I love Mabel like a grandma, but it’s different. I know that. Especially since her relationship with Ginger seems strained. I imagine what it would’ve felt like if I saw someone who meant something to me when I was in pain, and they rejected my hug. This time, I think about Ginger and Graham hugging, and my heart breaks for her. I grab my phone and send Graham another text.

Julia

Hey, can I have Ginger’s number?

Graham

[contact card: Ginger Cole]

Julia

Thank you!

Graham

Np

Julia

Thanks for trusting me and not questioning why I want it or assuming I’d send something mean.

Graham

I know you, Julia. I know you wouldn’t go out of your way to be mean. I trust you.

That text stings a little, and I swallow my pride. I literally swallow the spit in my mouth, imagining it is my pride, pushing it away. I hold my phone, staring at the screen, willing myself to text Ginger.

Julia

Hey Ginger, this is Julia Pritchett. I just wanted to say I’m sorry about your grandma, and I’m sorry for the way I behaved at the hospital. I hope she’s doing well and that you are too.

I throw my phone on my bed and lie down on the floor. I let my eyes unfocus on the fake flames on my closet door. My mind wanders to Graham—makes sense, he’s one of my favorite things to think about—and all the times he’s been there for me. Little moments, like the cookies, picking me up from school, encouraging me to sing. Bigger moments, like the hospital, during my performance at Cactus Hills. When we were in preschool, he always let me use the crayon he wanted. When we were in kindergarten, I dressed up as a ghost for Halloween, but someone said I looked like a marshmallow. I cried because I was five, and Graham spent the entire day threatening anyone who made any jokes about my costume. He also asked everyone in class what they were dressed as and told them how cool they looked. In first grade, I cried because I missed my mom. Graham found me in the corner of the field and hugged me. I keep going and realize I can easily come up with examples of when he was there, when he was focused on me. I can see proof of him not giving up. I think about last year, when Ginger asked him out to eat in the cafeteria. Graham reorganized it and made it a big group hang out. She tried to hold his hand, sat next to him, and he gently redirected her. He smiled at her, laughed, teased, but was he really flirting? It is so clear, looking back, that he wasn’t leading her on. Sure, he could’ve been a little firmer about itrecently, but he was being a nice guy. My phone buzzes and I jump up, hoping it is Graham.

Ginger

Thanks. And I’m really sorry for how I acted, too. I knew that Graham was into you, but I didn't really know you were into him. People said you were dating but it always seemed to me that you weren’t that interested. I was clearly wrong. That was my bad. My grandma is doing fine. She wants you to come visit. You’re welcome anytime.

Julia

I’ll definitely be there.

I stare at her text and wonder, Do I really blow him off? Isn’t it obvious how much I like him? It’s so clear to me, but I’m in my own head. Suddenly, it’s clear what I need to do. I need to prove to Graham thatIlikehim.All this time, I've been so worried that I can’t trust he won’t get distracted, but really, he is the one who should be worried. I rip a sheet of paper out of my notebook and grab a pen. Before I start, I send one more text.

Julia

Chloe. I’m ready to brainstorm. No more worrying.

Chloe

Be right there.

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