Page 1 of If You Stayed

Prologue

Kierra

Nineteen Years Old

Blood trickled down my forehead, landing on my slightly parted lips. I licked it from my mouth as I stared at Gabriel’s mom, Amma, searching for any sign of forgiveness in her brown eyes. For any sign of understanding. I hunted for any evidence that she didn’t blame me. That she could still see me as me and not as the monster who destroyed her family’s life. That it wasn’t my fault, even though I knew it was.

It was all my fault.

I kept searching Amma’s expression for understanding, yet no sign of hope existed.

I saw the truth in her eyes. The moment she began to blame me. The second she let go of any form of love she had for me. I shivered from my soaked clothes as she stood still in front of me.

My body trembled in fear of her next words or actions as I stepped toward her. I felt as if I’d forgotten how to breathe, how to move air in and out of my lungs. Everything felt heavy and hard and confusing and…

What have I done?

“Amma…” I stopped as she held a hand up in front of me. With one shake of her head she told me everything she felt without uttering a sound.

She wanted me to stay away. She wanted me to drown in my misery while she suffered in her own.

“Are they…are they okay?” I asked her. “Are Elijah and Gabriel okay?”

“They’re in surgery. They…” She shut her eyes and let out a pained cry.

Oh my goodness.

They weren’t okay.

I was going to be sick.

The hospital lights flickered overhead as the aching of my heart intensified. Tears mixed with the dripping blood, blurring my vision. A whimpered sob broke from me as I shook my head and rushed over to her, tugging on her work uniform. Begging, pleading, praying for her forgiveness, for an update, for any evidence that somehow Elijah and Gabriel were all right. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please, Amma.” I sobbed uncontrollably. I wrapped my fingers tightly around the fabric of her shirt, tugging as if I were holding on for dear life.

“Let go, Kierra,” she whispered. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head. “Let go.”

“No,” I whimpered, holding on tighter. Because I knew once I let go, the reality of the situation would sink in. I knew when I let go, I’d be letting go forever.

“Don’t let me go, Amma,” I begged. I wanted to burymyself against her and search for comfort that I didn’t deserve. I wanted to go back to yesterday, when everything was okay. When everything was filled with joy. When every breath wasn’t so damn painful.

When she still loved me like the daughter she never had.

Before she could reply, her husband, Frank, came around the corner. He brushed his thumb against his nose and sniffled. “I just spoke with the doctor…and Eli… He didn’t… He…” Before he could finish, Frank broke into sobs.

Amma let out a cry that pierced my ears as her knees began to buckle.

Elijah.

He didn’t make it.

Elijah was Frank’s son. Gabriel was his stepson.

Amma and Frank had met a few years ago at a group therapy for individuals who’d lost their former partners. Through the grief of those losses, they found comfort in each other and fell in love. From that love came Elijah, Gabriel’s half brother.

Gabriel…

How washe?

What was the update on him? I needed an update on Gabriel.

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