Page 2 of If You Stayed

Oh my goodness, Elijah didn’t make it.

My chest felt on fire as Amma fell to the floor, howling in pain. Frank hurried over and wrapped her in his arms as they shattered together.

My breath caught in my throat as the panic of the situation hit me. I stepped toward Amma and Frank in an attempt tocomfort them both, but Amma shook her hand toward me. “No!” she shouted. “Get away from us, Kierra! You did this! You killed him.You did this!”

I stumbled backward. When I looked into her eyes, I saw it. I saw all the heartbreak bleeding out of her. Frank raked his hand through his messy hair as the tears kept falling faster and faster. “Fuck!” he shouted, his rage mixing with his sorrow. A rage that wouldn’t have existed if it weren’t for me.

Elijah was dead. Gone. Once living, now gone. And he was gone because of me. All because of me.

Frank muttered the cussword one last time as he placed the palms of his hands over his eyes. This time, the word was filled with a kind of aching that I wasn’t certain hearts could ever heal from—with a pain so deep that it seemed as if he’d be trapped within that heartache forever. It was quiet. A whisper of sorts. An ending. A final goodbye. “Fuck.”

“Leave,” Amma ordered me. “Now.”

I didn’t know what else to do or what else to say, so I walked away. I walked out of the hospital, back into the snowstorm, and I paused in the middle of the parking lot. As I stood there, a car pulled up. The headlights shone on me, reminding me that I was still alive, but barely living. I should’ve been gone, not Elijah. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right.

Oh, Elijah…I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry…

My parents flew out of the passenger’s and driver’s seats, looking straight at me.

“Kierra!” Mom shouted as she and my father rushed over to me.

“Are you all right?” Dad asked with a concerned tone.

The headlights kept shining, reflecting off the falling snow.

My parents didn’t wait for a reply. The moment their arms wrapped around me, my knees gave out, and I crashed to the cement as uncontrollable sobs rippled through me. They held me tight as I kept saying the same words over and over. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I whimpered, choking on each chilled inhalation.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I echoed as my parents tried their hardest to comfort and collect the breaking fragments of my soul.

Each breath grew more difficult, and each cry grew more intense.

Fuck.

1

Kierra

Present Day

Claire Dune was having a bad day. Or a bad string of days. She was convinced hers was a bad life. She’d sat across from me in my comfy chairs three times a week over the past few months to inform me just how bad a life she’d been living.

My notebook stayed in my grip as I listened attentively to each syllable that fell from her mouth. I studied not only her word choices, but also the way she moved when she expressed them. I had noticed over the past few months that her story seemed to grow ever more intense. I’d also noticed that if I didn’t solely agree with her, she’d say I was acting just like her mother.

“You just don’t get me,” she complained as she flopped backward in her chair. “No one gets me.”

“I get you, Claire. I see you, and I am learning more and more each time. I know I am still new to you, but I think we’ve had a few breakthroughs. I’m really proud of your progression over the last few weeks. Unfortunately, we are out of time for today.”

She glanced up at the clock, grimaced, and then turned to me. “But I need to tell you more.”

“Yes, and I am excited to hear more during our next scheduled appointment.” I stood. “But these next few days, remember to make a list each day. Every time you have a negative thought, think of what the opposite thought would be, and try to sit in that for a while. To feel the opposite of—”

“Dread?”

I smiled. “Of whatever the emotion is. Then tackle it from there and see what steps you could take to get closer to that feeling.”

“Fine. But if it doesn’t work, I’m not paying my bill,” she warned.

“Yes, well, that’s not how this works. For now, though, enjoy your weekend. I’ll see you next week.”

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