Page 130 of Landon & Shay: Part One

“What about my granddaughter? You let her in. I know you did. I’d never seen you happier than when you two were getting close.”

I nodded. “Shay’s amazing. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But I don’t deserve her. I honestly wish I could be more for her, but I can’t. I’m just me.”

“And that is enough,” Maria whispered, squeezing my hand.

“That’s not what your daughter told me.”

Maria raised an eyebrow. “Camila said something to you?”

“Yes. She came to me and asked me to stay away from Shay because I was too damaged. She told me I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t worthy of loving your granddaughter.”

“No…” Maria shook her head in shock, sitting back a bit in her chair. “No. No. No.”

I shrugged. “It’s okay. She wasn’t wrong.”

“Yes, Landon. She was. I love my daughter, but she was way out of line for ever saying those words to you. Camila is going through her own storm at this moment. Her life is upside down, and I’m certain her world is spinning just as fast as your mind. But she went toward the wrong target when she came to you. Instead of talking to you, she should’ve been having a conversation with her own heart. She should’ve gone internal and done some soul searching, but she didn’t. Hurt people have a way of hurting others. Not even on purpose, but it happens. That’s the problem with making decisions during stretches of temporary sadness or struggle. You sometimes shoot bullets at people who didn’t deserve to be shot. You didn’t deserve that, Landon.

“Any woman would be lucky to be loved by a heart like yours—including my granddaughter. You don’t see what a gift you are to this world, to the people around you. But we want you in our lives. We need you in our lives. So, please, stop running. Place your feet on the ground and make peace with your demons. Stop fighting them and hold them. You’re not broken; you’re just complex. And the most beautiful things in the world have the most complex heartbeats.”

I didn’t reply, because I hadn’t a clue what to say.

I was sad.

The kind of sad I didn’t think I could get over.

“Do me a favor, son?” Maria asked me.

“Yeah?”

“Promise me one thing. Promise me that when you are feeling at your lowest, like you have nothing left to give…like your mind is slipping and swallowing you whole…that you’ll reach out to someone. It doesn’t have to be me, but just someone you trust wholeheartedly. Don’t drown in your head, Landon. Reach out. Because this world? It needs you. We need you. I need you here. So, don’t you dare think that you’re not important. Don’t you dare let those thoughts drown you. Promise me this.”

I brushed my hand against my nose and sniffled as I nodded. “I promise.”

“Again, please,” she begged, her eyes piercing through me.

“I promise.”

After we finished eating dinner, we cleaned everything up. I headed to my room and grabbed a letter I’d written before she came over.

“Can you do me a favor?” I asked. “Do you think you can give this letter to Shay for me?”

“Of course, sweetheart. Anything you need, I’ll do for you.”

“Thank you.”

She gathered her things, and when she was about to leave, I walked her to my front door. “Thanks for today, Maria.”

“Thanks for every day, Landon,” she replied. She shifted around in her shoes, then held her hands out toward me. “Do you think I can pray over you before I go?” she asked.

I grimaced a little but nodded. I took her hands into mine and felt her warmth. The same warmth that raced through Shay’s spirit. As Maria began praying, I prayed a little, too. I didn’t know if I was doing it right, or if it would really make a difference at all. This time, I did something different than all the other times she prayed for me, though.

This time, I closed my eyes.

* * *

I headedto the swimming pool after Maria left and climbed up the diving board ladder. I sat on the edge of it, gripping the sides with both hands. I looked down at the gleaming water as it waved ever so slightly back and forth.

The past few weeks had been hard. Harder than I thought they could’ve been. I wondered if that was how Lance had felt before he took his life. I wondered how far his mind was gone before he took that plunge.

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