Page 122 of Landon & Shay: Part One

Devastated.

I shrugged. “I’m okay.”

She smiled a sad grin. “Liar.”

* * *

Shay stopped talkingto me after my party. The only words she gave me were Juliet’s words to Romeo. Outside of that, it was radio silence. I couldn’t blame her. I wouldn’t talk to me after that, either.

I was an asshole who hurt her due to my own insecurities. It was better that we weren’t together, though. At least, that was what my brain kept telling me over and over again.

The school year came to an end with me receiving a cap and gown. I still didn’t know what was going to come of my life in the upcoming months, but I knew I didn’t want to do the law school thing. Dad was still adamant about me going into law, while Mom was pushing hard for Dad to let me make my own choices.

“You need to stop babying him, Carol. He’s not a child anymore, and he needs to have a real career,” Dad said.

“It is a real career, even if you don’t agree with it,” Mom shot back his way.

Those conversations went on for weeks during the beginning of the summer.

I didn’t really care much either way. My mind wasn’t on college. I couldn’t think of what major I wanted to go into, what classes I wanted to take, because the only thing crossing my mind was Shay.

I missed her.

I missed her so much, and I hated myself every time I thought about what I did and how I pushed her away. I figured the only way I’d be able to clear my head from thoughts of her was returning to my old habits of alcohol.

It started with one sip at a random party. A couple of guys were taking shots, so I took one with them. The second I tasted the alcohol, I instantly felt like a failure. Maybe Monica was right. Maybe people didn’t really change for the better, and I’d always be this messed-up person full of scars inside and out.

The alcohol burned my throat as it went down, and I hated every second of it, but I kept drinking it because I thought it’d help drown out the memories of Shay. Unfortunately, it didn’t. The thoughts of her only intensified.

I ran into her twice on two different occasions. One was a party at Hank’s. It was a pretty mellow hangout, and I drank one drink too many. When Shay walked in, I was already shitfaced and made an utter ass of myself in front of her cousin, Eleanor. I said some stupid-ass shit because I was drunk and sad, and that night, I went home and overthought the situation in tenfold.

The second time I saw her, I’d only had one drink, and I watched her in the distance, laughing with Eric. She looked so happy and content without me.

I went home and fell apart in my bedroom.

My mind mocked me.See? She doesn’t need you. She’s better without you. Move on. You’re worthless.

Who knew the hardest war would end up being me against my mind?

I was losing, too. I was completely slipping away from reality, day by day.

Just when I didn’t think things could have gotten any worse for me, I received text messages from my friends that made me want to vomit.

Hank:Did you hear about Monica?

Eric:Dude, it’s crazy!

Me:What happened?

Greyson:She overdosed last night when she was with Reggie. She’s in the hospital now.

My head felt like exploding as I kept reading the wordoverdose.

Flashes of Lance came back to me. How he overdosed, how he lost his life, and how I couldn’t save him. Then, I thought about my last conversation with Monica when she asked who was going to choose her. She questioned who was going to stand by her side, and I straight up told her it wasn’t going to be me.

Fuck, Monica. Why?

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t breathe. But somehow, I managed to stand and grab my keys. I headed out to the hospital to sit with her, because I was almost certain she wouldn’t have had anyone else coming out to be by her side.

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