29

Shay

Raine toldme what happened to Monica, and my first concern was Landon.

I knew I shouldn’t have been thinking about him after what he’d done to me during the opening weekend of our show. I shouldn’t have cared about his well-being, but Icouldn’t help it. When love arrived, you couldn’t shut it off like a faucet. It kept pouring out of you, uncontrollably, even when you wanted the pressure of it to stop.

I loved Landon, even though I knew I shouldn’t have. I loved his light and his shadows. I loved the way he wore a crooked grin. I loved his frowns. I loved his highs. I loved his lows.

I loved him. Even when he didn’t deserve it. Even when he broke my spirit.

My heart?

My soul?

My love?

Still his.

I knew he had to be hurting from the fact that Monica had overdosed. You couldn’t ignore the fact that the two of them had history. I knew his mind was probably taking him to the darkest corners of his soul, and even though I felt so much anger toward him, he couldn’t be alone.

Not now.

I headed straight to the hospital and found Landon sitting alone in the waiting room. His head was down, and his hands were clasped together. His knuckles were red from his tight grip, and he looked as if every part of him was shattered. His shoulders were rounded forward, and his sleeves were pushed up, revealing the scars he’d worked so hard to hide from the world.

Oh, Landon.

Where is your mind tonight?

I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

He looked up with bloodshot eyes and confusion in his baby blues.

“What are you doing here?” he whispered, sniffling as he tilted his head.

“This,” I told him. I lifted my chair and sat it directly in front of him. I took a seat, and then unclenched his fists and took his hands into mine. I held onto him, feeling the trembles of his hands. “I’m doing this.”

He parted his mouth to speak, but no sounds came out.

I held his hands even tighter as I watched the corner of his mouth twitch.

“Shay…” he started.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to talk. I just want to be here for you.”

He grimaced and cleared his throat as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. “I hurt you.”

“I’m okay. I’m stronger than I look.”

“Why would you be here for me? Why would you do this after what I did to you?”

“Because no one deserves to be alone during the hard times. Not even you.”

He muttered a thank you as he pulled a hand away and wiped at his eyes. He quickly returned his hand to mine, and I held onto him once more.

“How is she?” I asked.

“They pumped her stomach. She’s not awake yet. They won’t tell me anything else because I’m not family. Her parents haven’t even arrived yet. How fucked up is that? Their daughter overdosed, and they didn’t rush to the fucking hospital.”