Page 60 of Behind the Bars

I remainedquiet.

Mom walked past my bedroom and peered inside. She paused for a moment and parted her lips as if she were going to speak, but nothing came out. She hadn’t spoken much to anyone,either.

Especially not tome.

I’d never known eyes could look so sad until I stared into my mother’s. She was my Wonder Woman, and watching her walk around so unbelievably broken was beyond heartbreaking. I’d caused her that pain, thatsuffering.

“She do-doesn’t look at me the same,” I whispered to TJ. “She hatesme.”

He frowned, shaking his head. “Elliott Adams, no one could ever hateyou.”

“She doesn’t talk tome.”

“Not because she hates you. It’s just that she doesn’t know how to communicate rightnow.”

I glanced down at my shiny black shoes. “Because I kil-killedKatie?”

TJ shook his head back and forth and gripped my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him. “Boy, if I ever hear you speak those lies again, I will rip out your tongue.” My body started shaking in his grip, and he stared me hard in the eyes. “Do you understand me?” he ordered as tears cascaded down my cheeks. “Do you understand that what happened wasn’t because ofyou?”

“Yes, sir,” I lied, and he knew it was alie.

TJ’s eyes filled with tears, and he pulled me into a tight hug as I shook against his hold. “You didn’t do this, Elliott. You didn’t do this at all. Never say that again. Never say that,” he said over and over again, shaking himself. As he held me tight, I could feel it happening to him,too.

His heartbreaking.

Many people showed up at the funeral service, and that pissed me off. All of the ‘friends’ Katie once held walked into the church building as if they hadn’t disowned her for the past year. A lot of them even had the nerve to bring tears along withthem.

“They sho-shouldn’t be here,” I angrily barked, my hands forming fists from their level of disrespect. How dare they show up for her now, when in reality they should’ve stood by her side last year during the darkest times of herlife?

How dare they want to speak theirapologies?

How dare they pretend to care only because it was too late to changeanything?

“Let them be,” TJ told me, squeezing my shoulder. “Guilt has a way of swallowing individuals whole, and now they areremorseful.”

“They hurt her,” I toldhim.

“And they know that. And that guilt they are feeling? That’s not between you and them. That’s between God andthem.”

I hadn’t the nerve to tell TJ there wasn’t a God. At least not one I’d stand behind after he took mysister.

“Those people made bad choices, Eli. There’s no getting around that. They made their beds. Now they have the rest of their lives to sleep in them. But for today…just let thembe.”

I hated TJ in that moment, because he always did what wasright.

At the burial, we gathered around the casket, and I watched them lower my big sister into the ground. It was all so surreal. It blew my mind how one day everything could be fine, and then the next, your loved one wasgone.

“Elliott,” a voice said behind me. I turned around to see a chubby red-haired guy walking toward me with his hands stuffed in hispockets.

“Jason.” I narrowed my eyes, confused that my best friend was standing there in front of me. “Wh-what are you doing here?” Iasked.

He was still supposed to be in Nebraska with hismom.

He shrugged. “I wanted to come back to stay with my dad for awhile.”

“You hate yourdad.”

“Yeah, but you’re my best friend,” he said, somberly. “So, I’m going to stay with my dad for awhile.”

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