Page 88 of If It Can't Be Us

He lets out a low laugh. “Don’t worry. When you throw enough money at people, they’ll do whatever you want. No one is going to come in, just be quick.”

“I think I’ve underestimated how much money you actually have,” I say, laughing.

He smirks a half smile, one dimple protruding deeper than the other. “And I’d be willing to spend every penny on you.” He gives me one last kiss on the mouth, then moves to stand, pulling me up with him.

After cleaning up, I get dressed and stand in front of the bathroom mirror. I smooth my wild hair and can’t help but wonder what’s next. I told Leo this could be a one-time thing, that I didn’t expect anything more from him, and now I’m worried I spoke too soon, not understanding how strong my feelings would be.

It feels different, like he might have changed, but I can’t get my hopes up.

Leo takes my hand in his as we exit the yacht. It’s late, and I’m exhausted, but I could stay up forever doing what we just did.

Once we’re inside our hotel room, I’m not sure what to do. We made out the entire ride back. Leo touched and teased in the back seat, sparking a hope within me, and now that there’s a flame, I don’t want it to burn out.

I decide to act normal, as if we’re just friends again. I’ll let him take the lead on this and follow suit. I change into my pajamas, stepping out of the bathroom to hang my dress as I’m brushing my teeth. With my mouth full of toothpaste, I catch Leo’s eye in the oversized, elegant mirror. He stands behind me, shirtless.

I gawk at him, not knowing if I’ll ever get used to looking at his incredible body. He wraps his tattooed arm around my waist from behind and kisses my neck. “Hmm, you don’t think we’re going to bed already,do you?” His voice is low and gruff. He trails kisses to my shoulder and back up my neck as he slides his hands into the front of my shorts.

And… I’m drenched.

I spit the toothpaste and rinse, just in time for him to pull my shorts down and pick me up. I wrap my arms around his neck, laughing. A mischievous grin rests on his face as he walks me to the bed and lowers me, removing my panties at the same time. Hovering over me, his lips find mine, and I moan into his mouth.

He leans into my ear. “What do you want?”Godthe way he just asks that—with his sexy fucking voice—is almost enough to get me off.

“Just… more of you,” I say, flustered and unable to think straight.

He removes my shirt and kisses my neck, and décolletage. Moving down my body, he presses delicate kisses on my breasts, down my torso to my thighs. I gasp as his fingers slide against my sensitive entrance, and I automatically open my legs in response while he continues kissing down my thigh to the curve of my knee. He makes his way back up, driving me crazy, my body responding uncontrollably, a steady beat drumming between my thighs.

His hand moves to trace the floral tattoo that starts at my hip bone and winds down to the side of my upper thigh. “This is sexy,” he murmurs, his fingers following the delicate lines of the ink. He lays one last gentle peck on my hip bone and looks up.

I let out a whimper. “Don’t stop,” I plead. He gives me a wicked grin, splays his hands against my thighs, opening them even more, and buries his face between them.

Oh. My. God!

I’m a complete wreck of moans, whimpers, gasps, and cries. I bury my hands into his hair, gently tugging as he works his magic with his mouth. My body convulses in response to the flicking of his tongue and the plunging of his fingers. The anticipation builds and builds until pleasure runs through my veins, jolting my body in complete euphoria again and again.

When we’ve finished, I lie useless like a rag doll on the bed. He plants kisses all the way back up, kissing me tenderly on the mouth.

I move to touch him, desperate to make him feel what I just did, but he softly grabs my hands and shakes his head.

“No, love. I just wanted to pleasure you.”

Is this real life?

He lies on his back and pulls me into him. “Come here,” he says as I rest my head on his chest and wrap a leg over him. He traces his fingers along my back, and something about the simplicity of his words, his loving gesture, and the processing of all that just took place unravels me. I lose complete control as a wave of raw emotion crashes over me. Knowing I just overcame a giant obstacle in my journey of moving forward, I let my guard completely down, and begin to cry. I curl up to Leo, the tears flowing uncontrollably.

Leo tightens his hold on me, murmuring soothing words. “It’s okay. Let it all out. I’m here.”

The physical intimacy had been terrifying, but now, having let Leo break through that wall, I feel an overwhelming sense of peace washing over me—a release I’ve never experienced. I tighten my grip on him, feeling both physically and emotionally naked.

Leo strokes my back gently. “You’re so strong. It’s okay to let go.”

I cry so hard and for so long that I begin to hyperventilate. I had thought I’d been dealing with my grief, but now, in Leo’s arms, I realize that I haven’t completely let myself be fully exposed. There has always been some sort of mask or facade on display, trying to be okay, especially the first year after Ben and Evie died. I was so busy planning the funeral, figuring out life insurance, getting to work, and trying not to cry every moment, that I never processed what had happened—I never fully grieved. I was numb.

I bury my head in his chest, not wanting him to see my ugly cry. “I thought I was okay,” I choke out. “God, I’ve been holding so much of this pain inside me.”

He kisses the top of my head. “You don’t have to hold anything in. You’re safe with me.”

My body convulses as I let out a wail. Snot drips from my nose, and I wipe it away, mortified by the rawness of my emotions and my vulnerability. “Oh my God,” I cry out.

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