Page 89 of If It Can't Be Us

Leo only holds me tighter. “You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to feel everything… to release it all,” he whispers softly.

I’ve never cried like this before—these are tears of grief mixed with happiness, and it’s so fucking confusing. It’s a happy turmoil, a release from holding everything together.

“I’m sorry,” I sob, my words barely audible between gasps. “I don’t want to ruin this.”

Leo’s grip tightens reassuringly. “You’re not ruining anything. This is part of healing. You’ll have these bouts of emotional release probably many more times, and they can come out of nowhere. You’ll always be healing, learning, and shifting as you move forward, holding on to Ben and your daughter while making space for new things, and people in your life. I’m here for you, always… I promise.”

Having Leo as a witness in this unraveling makes me feel safe enough to finally feel all the things. The closeness and connection I have with him, and his presence provide a container where I can grieve differently, almost as if he can take some of the burden from me. I cry and cry, thinking that I will run out of tears, but I don’t. It turns out you can’t run out of tears—there’s an infinite well of them. I cry until I exhaust myself, and finally, I fall asleep, utterly spent, but feeling a strange sense of peace.

* * * * ** * * * *

The next Morning

I awaken to the sound of the door clicking shut and a rustling. I pry my eyes open to find Leo walking towards the window with coffees and a paper bag in hand.

“What are you doing?” I ask groggily.

He turns to me, changing course, and walks to my side of the bed. He sits on the edge next to me, setting a coffee down on the nightstand. “Sorry… did I wake you?” he asks, reaching forward, gently pushing the hair out of my face before bending over to kiss me on the cheek. “How did you sleep?”

Well hell, I could get used to this.

I smile, remembering last night. “I slept well. How about you?”

“After last night?” He smirks, “Best sleep of my life.” His hand strokes its way down my arm. Taking my hand in his, he squeezes it. “How are you feeling this morning?” he asks sincerely.

Squeezing back, I am very aware that I am still naked in the sheets, and I don’t know where we stand. Leo’s gaze doesn’t falter; his concern is genuine, his care for me very real, but that doesn’t change the fact that Leo doesn’t do relationships, and that I told him one night would be fine. I broke down last night in a way that even Sarah hasn’t seen. I fell asleep on him, naked and vulnerable, having exhausted myself with tears like a baby would with her mother.

As I look at Leo, a realization hits me, shaking me to my core. I love this man. I love him so much, and it’s not because of last night. I’ve loved him for a long time, but I just connected with him in a way that I’ve only connected with Ben, and it scares the shit out of me.

I take a shaky breath, deciding honesty is best. “I feel better than I have in a long time,” I say genuinely, pausing. “But I also don’t know where we stand now,” I add cautiously. “I know I said just one night, but last night…” I trail off as Leo interrupts me.

“Was fucking spectacular?” he asks, grinning.

I let out a soft, breathy laugh, the sound escaping involuntarily. Closing my eyes, I nod. “Yes.” Opening my eyes, I search for Leo’s. “Last night was spectacular,” I confirm.

He’s thoughtful for a minute. “Look, I’ve never done this, not for years anyway. It scares the hell out of me, I’m not going to lie. All I know is that you are the person I want to spend all of my free time with, you’re my best friend… and after last night?” He lets out a slow exhale. “You’re also now the only person I intend tobang,” he says, grinning as he playfully nudges me.

I can’t help but smile, the biggest grin spreading over my face in relief. He just might love me back. “You’re my best friend too.”

He bends over and kisses me, tugging on my bottom lip as he releases. “This coffee here is for you,” he says, “and aPain Au Chocolat,just how you like in the mornings.”

“Thank you,” I say, sitting up and bringing the sheet up with me. Grinning, I take a sip of coffee as Leo rises and walks to the window to pull the curtains open, letting sunlight flood into the room. Needing to use the restroom and brush my teeth, I wonder how I will get from point A to point B without having to walk naked across the room.

To hell with it.

I stand, dropping all the covers, and stride confidently to the bathroom, Leo’s eyes fixed on me.

“Do you think we will get anything done today with you walking around like that?” he asks teasingly.

“I hope not,” I say, and disappear into the bathroom to freshen up.

I emerge from the bathroom in a bathrobe. Leo is waiting for me, back against the wall, arms folded across his chest. His eyes are sharp and focused, his jaw clenched—a lion ready to pounce, and I’m his prey. And I am not mad about it.

I laugh. “Have you been waiting there this whole time?”

He nods, uncrosses one arm, and curls his index finger, motioning for me to come to him. I walk toward him, feeling the tension crackle between us. He pulls me close, his mouth meeting mine in a heated kiss. My robe slips off, and his clothes fall away. Moving to the bed, we lose ourselves in the moment… again.

Later, we lie in bed together, spooning. Leo traces gentle fingers along my side, his touch soothing and intimate. The room is quiet, save for our steady breathing—a silent testament to the connection we just shared.

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