Page 16 of The Surgeon's Secret

“I’m not happy,” Catherine said quietly, her voice barely more than a whisper.

James looked up, chewing slowly, his eyes cold. “What does that mean?” he asked, voice laced with irritation. “What more could you possibly want?”

She took a deep breath, steadying herself. She wanted everything she hadn’t found with him—love, connection, passion—but she couldn’t make herself tell him that. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I just…I’m not sure I want this anymore.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” he snapped, glaring at her.

She swallowed, her hands shaking. This was the moment. “I’m not sure I want to be in this marriage anymore.”

James stared at her like she was a stranger. His voice was sharp when he spoke again, as if he was barely restraining himself. “Well, you’d better get fucking sure,” he sneered. “You’re lucky to be with me. I’ve given you everything.” His voice was a blade, cutting deep. “I suggest you think very carefully about what you’re saying,” he added, the words a thinly veiled threat. “Don’t say something you’ll live to regret.”

With that, he got up, grabbed his half-eaten plate off the table, and stormed back into the kitchen. Catherine heard a loud clatter as he tossed the plate into the sink, clearly taking his anger out on the dishes. She stayed seated at the massive dining table, feeling small and alone, surrounded by all the things he’d “given” her that suddenly felt so empty, so meaningless.

James disappeared upstairs without another word, and Catherine found herself grateful for the solitude. She placed her head in her hands, feeling the weight of the years pressing down on her. She thought she might cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. She was too numb, too exhausted from living this life thatseemed to demand everything from her while giving nothing in return.

The dark cloud that had been building over her for months—maybe even years—seemed to settle heavily on her shoulders. She knew now that things couldn’t continue as they had. She couldn’t keep pretending that she was satisfied, that she was fulfilled, that this was the life she wanted.

She sat there for a long time, letting the silence fill her up, thinking about what lay ahead. She thought of Lexi’s eyes, the way they’d looked at her with such intensity, such hunger, and something else—something that looked a lot like love. And she thought about her conversation with Sinead, about what it would mean to break away from everything she’d ever known.

One thing was clear: she could no longer ignore the hold Lexi had on her, nor could she ignore the truth that her life with James was no longer where she belonged. It was time to stop lying to herself and to him.

Catherine didn’t know exactly what she was going to do next, but she knew her life needed to change.

9

LEXI

Lexi hadn’t meant to do it again, and yet she had—in the on-call room, enthusiastically.Veryenthusiastically. She shook her head, feeling ridiculous. Getting involved with Catherine Spencer was a surefire road to heartbreak. Lexi liked her, and that was the problem. If it was just a sex thing, Lexi could detach and have all the sex she wanted with Catherine Spencer and her beautiful, beautiful body, but Lexi realized it wasn’t just that. Not even remotely.

She liked her. She liked the way Catherine’s eyes crinkled when she smiled, the way she was super intelligent but never smug about it, the way she was kind, gentle, and the classiest woman Lexi had ever met. She liked everything about Dr. Catherine Spencer—and that was definitely the problem. She’d broken her own heart by pulling away from Catherine in the on-call room. Lexi wanted nothing more than to go back in and hold her, to just keep going. But she couldn’t. She had to end it. She had to get out of this. Yet here she was at home, thinking about Catherine, who was driving her crazy. Sleeping with Catherine was the greatest pleasure Lexi had ever experienced, and she’d been turned on for days now, desperate for her own release.

What the hell am I saving it for?she thought, sliding her hand inside her pajama pants and beginning to lazily touch herself. She was wet, of course she was—ever since the on-call room she’d been right on the edge, desperately wanting release but reluctant to take it from Catherine, because she knew what that would mean. It was too much; it was too close to the woman she was so drawn to, but who was, in the end, still married.

Her fingers circled her clitoris, massaging it in slow circles as tension spread through her whole body. This thing with Catherine was bringing so much tension to her that she needed to let go. Her fingers moved faster, pressing more firmly. She was thinking of Catherine spread open for her, how Catherine tasted when she came on her tongue, how she felt when Lexi’s fingers were deep inside her. She remembered Catherine’s big eyes as she’d looked up at her, saying,Please, I want to taste you. Catherine had genuinely wanted to, and yet Lexi had walked away, conflicted and full of longing.

Lexi’s fingers moved faster, and suddenly, with no warning, her orgasm crashed over her hard and fast, and then was gone as quickly as it had come. It wasn’t the satisfaction Lexi had craved. It was only an end to the buildup, replaced with…well, nothing.

Lexi huffed and pulled her hand out of her pants, frustrated and angry. “I can’t even come properly anymore because of her—because of you, Catherine. For fuck’s sake,” she muttered. She got up and headed to the bathroom for a shower, needing to feel clean again, clean ofCatherine. She doubted any water would be hot enough to burn Catherine from her skin, though.

Lexi was back at work the following day. She’d had a long surgery that took her all morning, and though she was pleasedwith the outcome, she was exhausted. During her break, she headed to the coffee shop across the street from the hospital. It was called Nola, themed around New Orleans. At the counter, she placed her order.

“Double shot espresso, please, with milk on the side,” Lexi said, realizing she was starving. Her stomach growled, and she remembered she hadn’t eaten all morning. “I’ll also have one of those lunchtime special sandwiches and some fries. Definitely fries.”

Lexi sat down to wait for her order and let her thoughts drift. She ran through the morning’s surgery in her head, feeling satisfied with her work. Sometimes it felt great to be a surgeon, to save lives, to wield that kind of power and capability, almost as if she could change the course of fate. But on other days, when a patient was lost, the sadness was intense, especially if she felt there was something she could’ve done differently. Surgery wasn’t black and white. You had to adapt quickly, to come up with new solutions in the moment, because what you found when you opened someone up wasn’t always what you’d seen on the scans.

“May I join you?” a familiar voice asked, as lyrical as a river flowing over rocks.

Startled, Lexi looked up and saw Catherine, her shiny brown hair pulled back in a wavy ponytail, her eyes warm and inviting. She was the last person Lexi had expected to see, though given that a lot of the doctors frequented this coffee shop, it shouldn’t have been surprising.

“Oh, yes, of course,” Lexi stammered, nodding. Any other response would be rude. Catherine hadn’t done anything wrong; she didn’t deserve Lexi’s rejection. Surely they could have a friendship, even if Lexi needed to protect herself from anything more. They were just doctors sharing coffee at a café across the road from the hospital—that was what friends did, right?

Lexi’s sandwich arrived at the same time as Catherine’s coffee, providing a welcome distraction. Lexi hoped the café’s setting would be enough to keep things safe between them. She had food to eat and fries to enjoy, but as she took her first bite, she couldn’t help but feel the tension between them.

“Dr. Spencer, will you be eating today?” asked the server.

“Yes, I’ll take the salmon salad from the specials board,” Catherine replied confidently, and Lexi liked it. Catherine’s decisiveness reassured her—surgeons needed to be sure of themselves.

“How was your surgery this morning?” Catherine asked. “I heard a little about it. It went really well, apparently. You’re getting glowing reviews from the other surgeons.” Lexi watched Catherine’s beautiful lips as she spoke, captivated by the warmth in her eyes.

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