Page 164 of Sumanika

I immediately ran after him and grabbed his hand.

"Where are you going?" I asked. He turned to look at me and cupped my cheeks, urging me to meet his gaze. The sudden effect made me shift onto my toes.

His eyes were filled with tears, and he gulped before speaking.

"Suman, this is just going to hurt both of us. Please, think and give yourself time. You'll figure out what you really want. I am not the one you want,"

I shook my head and tried to respond. "But you are the one I need," I said. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine.

"You will understand in time," he said, stepping away from me.

"And don’t worry. I won’t do anything that will hurt you. And never think there was or will be anyone else in my heart. If it's not you, then it’s no one else,"

He said and walked away from there.

I silently let the tears flow down my cheeks, trying to steady myself. My breathing heavied. After crying my heart out, I wiped my tears and walked away after he left.

For a few days, I was furious and distraught with him. I couldn’t believe he left me alone when I cried and begged him to stay. I needed him the most when I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I needed him to hold me tight.

I was waiting for him to return. Days turned into weeks, and now it has been over eight months since he had been gone.

After a few months, my anger faded, and I began to return to my daily life. The smile that had once vanished from my lips slowly returned with the events unfolding in the Kingdom.

Princess Rudraja was growing up. She started eating solid food and became a bubbly, stubborn, and active child. When Nandani would tire, I would take her with me. Unknowingly, she always reminded me of her Kaakusa.

I spent most of my time talking, laughing, and playing with her. Her birthday was approaching, but not just yet.

Kunwarsa had been in Mehrangarh since he left, while Princess Rashmika had been in Suryagarh. At Ranaji's request, they both refused to marry.

Meanwhile, I learned that there is such a thing as a woman having feelings for another woman. I was shocked when I first found this out.

But Nandani explained it to me, and then I understood that Princess Rashmika and Kunwarsa never had feelings for each other. She loved someone else, and that someone was a woman.

After knowing that, I felt foolish. Very, very foolish.

I wished I had listened to Kunwarsa that day and tried to believe him when he said they were just friends.

But let bygones be bygones.

Surprisingly, after he left and after all the time I spent alone, missing him, not just emotionally but also lovingly and admiringly, I realized something different within myself.

Now, there was calm. It was suddenly silent.

After he left me, I understood what had happened to me. I learned that despite telling him I would never judge him or that his past wouldn’t matter to me, it did. Because I was feeling for him. I was developing feelings for him.

When I married my dead husband, I also told him that his past didn’t matter to me. I was a happy girl back then; I didn’t know what heartbreak meant. I didn’t realize the power my dead husband held to break me.

But this time, when I told the same thing to Kunwar Agastya, I was not a happy girl but a suffering woman who knew what this man could do to me. That’s where my insecurity and distrust grew.

Unknowingly, whatever he told me about his past, I unconsciously placed myself in the shoes of one of the women with whom he slept and left. But I failed to understand that it was consensual, as those women also didn’t want anything more from Kunwarsa.

Meanwhile, Kunwarsa didn’t share all of that to hurt me or to make me feel like one of those women. I failed to understand that he confided in me because he sought comfort. He wanted to lighten his burden and make me feel more important in his life. He wanted me to believe that I was the one who deserved to know.

But instead, I messed up badly and ended up doing things I would never do to anyone else.

I was so caught up in my fear of getting hurt and pushing him away that I ended up hurting him. Nandani was right. I made it all about myself when it wasn’t about me at all.

He was always helpful, loving, caring, and responsible toward me.

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