Page 163 of Sumanika

"Natak kar rahe the. Tumhe pata to chal hi gaya tha. Ab ye sab kyu kar rahi ho?"“I was acting out. You figured it out, didn’t you? Now, why are you behaving like this?” he asked in a low but frustrated voice, and I couldn’t help but raise my voice.

"Aapko samajh nahi aa raha hum ye sab kyu kar rahe hai? Hume nahi achi lagti Rajkumari Rashmika ya koi bhi, jiske baare me aap soche, baat kare ya parwah kare,""You are not getting why am I doing all of this? I do not like Princess Rashmika or anyone you think about or you care about,"

He inhaled sharply and moved forward. A chill ran down my spine. I quickly stepped back. My body pressed against the wall, and I looked into eyes, boring into mine with anger.

"Kyu? tum hoti kon ho jiske ache lagne ya na lagne se hume antar padega?"“Why, who are you, and why would your likeness matter to me?” His words infuriated me even more, and I couldn’t help but exclaim.

"Patni hai aapki, aapko antar padna chahiye""I am your wife, and it should matter to you,"

He thinned his brows and inhaled deeply, hearing me.

"Dekho hume gussa mat dilao,""See, do not enrage me," He said, and I thinned my brows.

"Hum gussa dila rahe hai aapko. Aapne hume tang kiya hua hai. Humse seedhe muh baat nahi karte, hume nazar bhar dekhte tak nahi, hamari parwah nahi karte, hume sunte nahi, or kuch nahi karte, sirf hume mehsoos karate hai ki hum aapke jeevan me kuch nahi hai,""I am enraging you? You have spun my whole life. You do not talk to me, you do not look at me, you do not care about me, you do not listen to me, and you only make me feel I am inexistent to you," I said, and he stepped even closer to me.

"Patni?""Wife?" He muttered and looked into my eyes.

"Badi achanak yaad aaya tumhe. Abhi to kuch din pehle to tum humse keh rahi thi ki hamare beech me kuch nahi rakhna. Pata hai tumhari pareshaani kya hai. Ki tumhe hum to chahiye, hamara ateet nahi chahiye. Hamara pyaar to chahiye par apna nahi dena. Tumhe har cheej apne hisaab se chahiye or hume ye nahi chahiye. Isliye pehle bhi do teen baar samjha chuke hai or fir samjha rahe hai ki humse door raho, khush raho or bhool jao,"“Oh, you remembered it all of a sudden. A few days ago, you said there was nothing between us, and that you don’t want that either. You know what your problem is? You want me but don’t want my past. You want my love but aren’t willing to give yours. You want everything on your terms, and I can’t accept that. That’s why I have told you before, and I’m repeating it: stay away from me, be happy, and forget about it.” He intoned, and I inhaled deeply, hearing him.

He took a step away from me, but I immediately grabbed his chest and pulled him back. Our lips almost brushed each other. Our breaths united when I asked.“And what about what I want now?"

Our gaze met. He gulped, shut his eyes briefly, and pushed my hands down.

“Suman, you are just angry. This is not who you are. This is just your anger, nothing more. You might want me now, but after two days, you’ll say that you don’t trust me, you don’t feel good with me, and you don’t want to see me, and I shouldn’t have saved you and entered your life,” he said, and I bit my lip while shaking my head.

“I was just angry,” I attempted to convey, and he gazed into my eyes.

“And you still are. You don’t understand that I have nothing left in me to give you. I can’t love you anymore; I can’t hold your pain anymore because I have my own to bear. Please, don’t make it harder for me. It would never bother you as much as it bothers me. You’d easily get back to work, forget about me, and be happy,” he said, and I shook my head.

“That’s not true. You know I’m not like that,” I tried to say, and he took a deep breath and mumbled.

“I know what is true; clearly, you don’t understand. I wasn’t the one who entered your room first. You came into my life, into my chamber that night at midnight, seeking comfort. The moment I asked for it back, you showed that I’m not the kind of man who should be seeking comfort. You might have feelings for me, but you don’t grasp that I am inseparable from my past. A man whore, you called me, and I’m not someone made for you. Honestly, I don’t want someone in my life who would try to make me feel disgusting about myself. I’ve spent my entire life running from that feeling, and I do not want it to plunge into that well for the rest of my life.” His eyes were strained, and his voice turned hoarse as I swallowed, pushing the lump back down my throat.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what happened to me. How would you react if you saw me hugging another man?” I asked, and he chuckled, lowering his head for a moment.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t have felt anything. I trusted you. I knew that if you had feelings for me, even if you didn’t confess, I understood them and tried to prevent you from falling for me. I always told you that I wasn’t the good man you think I am. I knew you were falling for me. And I fucking trusted you. I didn’t stop you from meeting another man. I didn’t stop you from marrying someone else. Even if I had seen you hugging a man or kissing someone, I would have thought maybe he was just a friend or someone in need. Or I might have lost it, thinking he was forcing himself on you because I knew that if I saw those feelings for me in your eyes, you would never betray me,” His voice raised in the end, and I trembled, listening to him.

“That’s because I don’t have a past with many men, and you’ve never seen me flirting with anyone. That’s because I’m not that kind of woman,”

“Can you prove it?” he asked me out of nowhere.

I was shocked. "What?" I thinned my brows.

"Yes, can you prove you did not meet any men, did not like anyone, look at any, or flirt with any? I have known you only for the past few months. How can I know everything about your past and trust what you say?" He asked, and I gritted my teeth and could not stop slapping tight on his cheek.

“How can you say that?” My body was seething with anger as I looked into his eyes, turning red with rage. How could he question my virtue?“How can you even think that about me? I told you I did not see anyone, did not meet anyone, did not flirt with anyone, and shared everything about my past; how can you say that?” my voice raised in anger.

He took a step away from me and sucked on his lips for a moment. His green eyes were dangerous when he said in a slow voice.

“You want me to trust what you say about yourself, but when I tell you that I don’t have anything with Rashmika—she’s just my friend—you say you don’t believe me. That hurt you, didn’t it? I mentioned it just to make my point, and it already hurt you so deeply. Imagine what I went through when the only person I trusted poured my heart out, told everything about my life without wrapping it in gold, did not even try to listen to me for once, for even once, Suman,” he said slowly. I blinked silently, comprehending what he meant.

"That is the problem. If we were together, you would never believe what I say; you would always think based on your understanding. You would trust your perception of me. And that perception is of a man whore who would cheat on you and be constantly whoring around. No matter how much I try to prove myself, you will always, always have this doubt within you. And I do not want that. I don’t want you to suffer with these doubts and hurt yourself because of me. You deserve a man, a virgin man; it doesn’t matter if he loves you or moves mountains for you; you would be happy and satisfied if he had no past with other women. Trust me, he is the only kind of husband who can keep you happy, or else you should stay single, and either way, forget about me. Because leave about you, I do not want a woman to whom I have to explain everything and constantly rub my nose in it just to make her listen to me. I am done with you, Suman. Get it into your head," he said in a slow and calm voice, and I gulped silently. I watched him walk away, and tears streamed down my cheeks. I yelled back in anger.

“Fine, I will marry Bhan Singh then,”

I gritted my teeth and watched him disappear. I burst into tears and shook my head. Wiping my eyes, I walked out.

I saw him take his overcoat from the couch and leave the chamber with quick steps.

---