Page 171 of Flame and Sparrow

I should have fought.

Even if I had no chance of winning, even if it resulted in violence…well, at least I wouldn’t have died a coward. And maybe I could have found some way to destroy the bag of divine things I carried, too—a bag that was currently attached to the horse ahead of us.

My head pounded and my stomach churned, but I thought maybe I could summon enough energy for one last fight. There was a river less than a half-mile away. One swollen to ferocity, hopefully—the muddy ground we were trotting through suggested there had been a lot of recent rain. If I could snatch my bag and make a run for it, maybe I could get enough of a head start to have time to throw it into the rapids.

And maybe I could throw myself in as well.

Andrel’s sudden voice made me jump, startling me away from my plotting. “I really am relieved to have you back.”

I tried to settle my chilled skin and ignore him, but he was too close.

He leaned even closer when I didn’t reply, as if punishing me for my silence.

“I know things ended badly between us last time.” He took the reins in one hand and used the other to lift my arm, brushing the loose sleeve of my shirt up to inspect it closer. “I’m glad to see you healed…though it looks like you’ve sustained another injury since we last met.”

He was referring to the marks left by my run-in with the Death Marr’s beasts. The salve Rieta had put on the wound had erased the pain completely, but there were still faint scars where the veilhound’s fangs had dragged across the skin.

He traced the marks with a contemplating, lingering touch. “The divine realm has no shortage of monsters with teeth, it seems.”

“Yes,” I muttered. “But I’m beginning to think the mortal realm might have bigger monsters.”

He laughed, the low, dark sound causing another eruption of chills across my skin. “You have no idea,” he said.

My eyes darted over the trees, searching for paths I could take to the river. The woods were thick here, their gnarled roots lifting and twisting above ground in more places than I could count. It would be a difficult slog through deep mud littered with tripping hazards; I doubted I could get to the water fast enough.

Andrel was well aware of how trapped I felt, judging by the way he only bothered to keep a casual hold around my waist, and the arrogant, relaxed tone of his voice as he continued to speak. “So tell me,” he said, “how did you find your way back to us this time?”

“I walked.”

“You know what I mean. You left in such a dramatic fashion…didn’t expect to see you back this soon. Did your heroic gods lose their luster so quickly?”

I didn’t reply.

“Or maybe it was you who no longer shined enough for them?”

I stayed silent, but I couldn’t keep my muscles from tensing, the memory of my last conversation with Dravyn flickering through my thoughts and making my breath catch.

“Seems I’ve struck the right note.” Andrel brought his mouth uncomfortably close to my ear. “They cast you out, didn’t they?”

I dug my fingers into Shadow’s back, trying to resist the urge to slam my elbow into Andrel’s gut.

“Of course they did,” he answered. “It’s the same story it’s always been. The gods castallour kind from their gilded graces, eventually; you didn’t think you could stay in the divine realm forever, did you Karys? That they wouldn’t turn on you? You’re smart—you must have seen this coming. It was a game. Oneyouinitiated, in case you’d forgotten.”

I bowed my head and closed my eyes.

Nothing can hurt me if I’m not here.

When I looked up again, the manor was in sight.

“Well, the important thing is that you survived their games, and you didn’t come back empty-handed, did you?” Andrel continued. “And hopefully now that you’re back where you belong, you can clear your mind of whatever confusion the gods filled it with…and remember why you started playing in the first place. Because we have important things to do, you and I.”

I didn’t dare ask him what he meant by that last part.

We reached the house, and I dismounted in the same numb, detached way I’d started the ride. As my boots hit the ground, I was overcome by a powerful wave of nausea. I tucked my chin toward my chest for a moment, just barely fighting off the urge to vomit.

When I managed to lift my head again, Andrel was watching me with a hint of a smirk on his lips.

“Stay close to the manor,” he told me.

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