Page 170 of Flame and Sparrow

I would have recognized it anywhere.

My eyes fluttered open. I fought to suppress a groan, not wanting anyone to know I was awake. My muscles protested every move I made. I still felt the particular spinning weakness that came from traversing between realms, only it now seemed magnified. I had no idea what those stupid humans had given me, but it felt more powerful than a simple valerian root concoction.

I heard them speaking in the room down the hall, the woman’s kind, warm notes calming me somewhat…until a familiar sound answered her—a clever, laughing voice that set every nerve in my body alight.

Andrel.

I slipped from the bed and grabbed my bag as quietly as I could. I didn’t stumble in my escape this time, but I had to pause as I reached the door, already out of breath, my chest burning…

Those stupid,stupidhumans and their useless remedies.

I was gripping the frame with all the strength I could muster when the conversation down the hall suddenly stopped.

Andrel appeared too quickly for me to change my plan.

“Karys.” My name fell as a relieved sigh from his lips, like the sight of me was an answer to his prayers. “Thank the gods you’re all right.”

I gripped the frame tighter as he closed the space between us. Under my breath, I asked, “Since when do you thank the gods for anything?”

He only gave me his familiar, easy, confident smile in reply.

“Leave me alone,” I hissed.

He flashed his charming smile back at my rescuers. “She’s still a bit delirious, it seems.”

I recoiled too quickly from the lie, losing my balance in the process.

He caught me just before I hit the ground, hands pressing hard against my body, fingers digging painfully into my sides.

“I’ve got you,” he said, lifting me into his arms and holding me against his chest. “Everything’s okay now.”

Chapter46

Andrel had not come alone.

Outside of the cottage, a small entourage of riders awaited us. Some I recognized. More I didn’t. There were seven horses total, including Shadow—Andrel’s own mare.

To the human couple who had taken me in, it must have been a welcome sight; clearly I had plenty of others to lean on, so whatever my mysterious ailment was, I was no longer their problem.

To me, it felt more like a show of force. A warning not to run or turn my back on Andrel and the rest of our kind. All the new faces…where had they come from? What had he told them about me? What sort of schemes were they plotting and planning to keep me in the dark about?

Outnumbered as I was, escape still crossed my mind. But I needed a more clever idea than recklessly sprinting for the hills. And at the moment, I could barely string two coherent thoughts together—much less an elaborate escape plan.

I felt like I was back on the ground where the humans had found me, face buried in the dirt, every part of me aching.

Since escape seemed unlikely, I instead tried to imagine myself someplace far away where none of the awful things happening were truly real.Iwasn’t real. I wasn’t here.

Nothing can hurt me if I’m not here.

I kept repeating this to myself, over and over again, until my eyes glazed over and my body felt like someone else’s, someone I didn’t even have to look at if I didn’t want to. I could make her disappear—all I had to do was close my eyes.

I barely flinched as Andrel lifted me onto his horse and climbed up behind me.

He was quiet for most of the ride back to his manor.

I did nothing to interrupt the silence until we turned onto the narrow path that wound through a thick stretch of trees before eventually opening onto his estate. As the scenery grew more familiar—even to my dazed mind and dead eyes—my pulse began to race, my instincts still alive somewhere deep within despite the thick coat of armor I’d tried to suffocate myself with. Panic floated slowly to the surface, lifting little bumps along my skin as it came.

I should have run.

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