Page 49 of Owning Nicci

His hand on my wrist, yanking me down to my knees. My brother undoing his belt, his hand wrapping in my hair. The moment when I learned what it felt like to be completely, utterly helpless, when I realized that my life would only get worse from there.

The laughter rings in my ears, the sound of my brother’s muttered curse when I tried to bite him, the slap of my father’s palm against my cheek again, turning to fists when I tried to fight back. I hear myself crying, screaming—and then I jolt awake, tangled in sweat-drenched sheets, my heart racing painfully as I hear the door burst open and I realize that I’m screaming aloud.

“What’s going on?” A voice I don’t recognize cuts through the air, a tall, bulky form rushing towards the bed, and I scramble back towards the headboard, letting out another panicked scream in my half-awake daze. It takes me a moment to realize that it’s one of the guards—the same one who leered at me this morning, and I shake my head rapidly, trying to speak, to tell him to get the fuck out. But I can’t speak. My throat feels closed over, my whole body shaking, taken over by the panic attack brought on by the dream.

“What the hell are you doing in here?”

I’ve never been so glad to hear Savio’s voice. I see him rush into the room, another broad shape in the dim light—and in the back of my head, I realize that he looks more normal than I’ve ever seen him before. He’s wearing nothing but pajama bottoms low on his hips, shirtless, his hair messy with sleep, and I feel a jolt of desire despite myself, cutting through the fear.

“I heard her scream,” the guard explains. “Thought someone had broken in, maybe?—”

Savio looks at him with plain disgust. “Someone broke in where, exactly? Through the window of a penthouse bedroom? Or maybe this mystery person got through all four of you downstairs? In that case, I ought to fire all of you since you’re clearly not doing your job.”

“You said my job was to protect her, boss.” The guard looks clearly flustered. “She was screaming. I just came to see what was going on.”

“You’ve seen it. Now get the fuck out,” Savio snarls, striding past him towards where I’m crumpled on the bed. “Get out!”

The guard mumbles something that sounds like “yes, sir,” and flees the room. Savio comes around to the side of the bed that I’m on, sitting down next to me as he reaches for me.

It’s so startling that I let it happen. He puts an arm around me, drawing me into his chest, and I go. It’s what I need in this moment, and it doesn’t matter that it’s Savio, that it doesn’t make any sense, or that I should be pushing him away. He’s warm and strong, and he feels safe. I curl into his chest, breathing in his cedar scent—that warm, musky smell of masculine skin—and I feel him tuck his chin on top of my head, his hand stroking down my hair. “What happened?” he asks, and I shake my head.

“I had a nightmare.” I linger against him for a moment longer, not wanting to pull away, knowing that I should. “I’msorry.” I pull back, slipping out of his arms, and he lets me go, as if he’s also realized how strange this is.

“No need to apologize.” Savio looks at me, and I’m very aware of how close he is, how he’s half-dressed—and how skimpy the camisole and shorts that I wore to bed are. The nightmare still feels too close, and I’m torn between my body’s reaction to him and my utter disgust at the thought of being touched after the dream I just had. “Can you go back to sleep?”

I bite my lip. “I think so. I might go take a bath first. Maybe I can get back to sleep after that.”

Savio nods. I see him hesitate for a moment, like he doesn’t know what to do. Like the moment he comforted me was done on pure instinct, and now he’s unsure of how to proceed. “Do you—” He shakes his head. “Never mind. I’ll leave you to it, then.”

He stands up abruptly, turning to go. I almost call out after him, a jolt of panic running through me at the thought of being left alone again, but I force it back.

“Can you—” I hesitate. “Can you ask the guards not to come into my room? Please?”

Savio stops, and in the light coming from the window, I think I see his jaw tighten. “He never should have come in here,” he says sharply. “It won’t happen again.”

I let out a breath, sitting motionless as I watch him go. I hear the door lock behind him, and for once, it makes me feel better. None of the guards have a key to my room, I’m sure, so it’s a relief to know they won’t be able to get in, even if I once again won’t be able to get out.

A part of me wishes Savio had stayed. I try not to think about it as I turn on all the lights and go to draw a bath, but my mind keeps drifting back to how it felt to have his arms around me, holding me close. No one has ever comforted me like that before. I can’t remember the last time someone held me. Therewas never any affection from my father growing up, and I don’t remember my mother. The men I dated were never the kind to show affection, either. I’ve been fucked countless times, but as I rack my brain, I can’t recall a hug. A gentle touch. A kiss that was for intimacy, and not purely arousal.

Not until tonight.

I swallow hard as I slide into the hot water, trying not to let myself read too much into it. Savio is hot and cold, and it’s tempting to let myself lean into the moments like yesterday— and tonight. The parts that make me feel safe. But in the end, none of that is real.

I slide deeper into the water, closing my eyes, trying to banish the pain that settles in my chest at that thought.He bought me,I remind myself. Any tenderness, any caring on his part, is like the caring someone would have for a pet. He’s even called me that, over and over again. His pet.

In the end,I think, as I let the water relax me, banishing the lingering fear from the nightmare,I’m going to leave. Nothing that happens between now and then matters.

And I’m going to put an end to Savio before I do.

19

SAVIO

Iwake the next morning with a fresh determination to focus on my own plan, my own goal—taking down Antony Gallo and replacing him as the new don of the Italian mafia in New York.

It’s clear that Nicci has been a roadblock rather than the outlet I expected her to be. I haven’t fucked her since the last time I took her to the playroom, and the past days have only muddied the waters between us. Those feelings of admiration that I’ve had for her, how impressed I’ve been by her strength and determination, have morphed into something else that’s confused and distracted me in ways I could never have seen coming.

I need to put a stop to it. Not by punishing her, or reminding myself of the nature of our relationship—I’ve tried that already, and it hasn’t worked. I need to put distance between us. As much as possible. I don’t trust anyone to take Nicci to the range—or for her to not try to overpower them and escape. So I simply decide to put our routine on hold, at least for a day or two. She’s already capable. I don’t think today’s lesson or tomorrow’s will make adifference when we go to hit the next Crow—and the distance will be good for me.

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