Page 71 of Where the Stars Heal

“Sleep, baby,” I tell her.

The sun starts to rise, the warm, golden light painting her room through the gap in the curtain. I hold Halle to my chest, my heart cracking in two as my time runs out.

“You are never to come near us again, you are not welcome!” my aunt screams.

Her fists pound against my chest, her eyes puffy and red from the tears she’s shed, and when her screams die in her throat, she looks at me like the monster I am and walks away, slamming the door so hard the hinges rattle in protest.

My legs give out, and I crumble to the floor. Anger, guilt, and pain race through me with such force, it’s like I’m suffocating. I lash out blindly, sweeping everything off the coffee table in front of me.

The newspaper falls to the ground in front of me, the bold headline,Mom Commits Suicidedrawing me in. I grab the paper, reading the article further, and my heart stops.

What little life I had inside of me completely dies out.

Hazy images from that night assault my mind. The lady we sold the pills to is the same one from the small grainy image that’s looking back at me.

I didn’t just kill my cousin, I killed someone’s mom.

Scrambling to my feet, I stumble into the bathroom. My knees slam against the cold hard tiles as the contents of my stomach empty violently.

I grab a bag, shoving in what little I own. I don’t look around, don’t say goodbye.

I just walk out.

The onslaught of memories suffocates me.I killed Halle and Hunter’s mom.The realization cuts deep into my soul. The girl I am so in love with, the best friend who saved me when I couldn’t save myself.I took their person from this life.

Another tear slips, leaving a cold trail down my face.

I force myself to look at Halle. To take in every inch of her, memorizing her face. I watch her chest rise and fall with her soft breaths as she sleeps, more at ease than ever before.

They’ll be okay.

The girls will take care of her. They’ll love her and makeher speak her truth. Connor will keep an eye on Hunter with help from Jace.They’ll be okay, they have each other.

Quietly, I reach over, grabbing her sketchbook and pen from the nightstand.

Another tear slips.

I stare at her one last time before leaving my heart in her hands.

Dear Halle,

I write.

35

I KNEW DEEP DOWN

HALLE

I’m staring at the empty space next to me. A folded piece of paper torn from my book rests on the pillow where Asher’s head should be. For a moment, I try to convince myself that he’s out on his run, or maybe in the kitchen making breakfast. But the sinking feeling I have in my gut, the nervous energy that claws at me, tells me something isn’t right.

Plucking the paper from the pillow, I turn it over, my fingers running over the jagged edges where it was torn. A dull, throbbing ache pounds behind my eyes. Nausea slowly turns in my stomach, and my limbs feel heavy as if a bus has come and parked on top of me. It takes everything I have to drag myself into a sitting position. The room spins around me, my face flushes hot, and I’m forced to close my eyes from the dizziness that hits me. I bury my head in my palms, breathing deeply, trying to fight through the onslaught of the hangover I’ve found myself in.

Groaning into my palms, flashes of last night assault my mind, making me wince at the memories. Too much, too fast, too hard to handle all at once. Everything camecrashing down, the years of pain I’ve carried finally crumbling.

Guilt twists in my chest. I need to apologize. To everyone. To Hunter the most because he lost his Mom too, and instead of leaning on him, instead of being strong together, I snapped. I broke down, torn to shreds with the memory of finding her, lifeless in the shower.

A tear slips down my cheek, warm against my skin, and I quickly wipe it away. I need to pull myself together. I need to shower. I need to find Asher. He stayed with me all night and held me through it all. He was my anchor. I need to thank him for saving me from the depths of my own personal hell, for giving me a safe place to feel it all.

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