Page 84 of My Heart To Heal

When Nick asked me if I wanted to get away for a few days, this wasn’t what I was expecting, but it’s almost perfect,almost.

I know what he’s doing. He’s stayingjustfar enough away, giving me space and time to heal from everything that happened, but I see the way he looks at me. I see the longing in his eyes, and I feel it just as badly.

Everything that happened with Bax feels like a distant memory up here, like a bad dream. The distance, the quiet, puts everything into a perspective I never would have expected to have.

Bree confirmed he’s been transferred out of Forest Falls. He’s locked up in a cell in the city, and even if his parents’ money gets him out for now, he won’t stay out, not without some miracle. He’s going to face judgment for what he did to me, and the peace that brings me is unlike anything I have ever felt.

For years, I feared that man. When I was with him, I feared his violence, and since I left, I’ve feared him taking Jonah from me. Now, I pity him.

I look at Nick and see a kind, beautiful, wonderful man who wants to take care of us, who wants to teach Jonah to fish and swim and bounce pebbles across the water, and I want him. I want a life with him, a family with him.

It’s time to accept that I’m safe to do this, to trust him, to trust this promised future that I feel certain we will have together. I’m safe to love him, to let Jonah love him. I couldn’t stop myself now, even if I tried.

If I thought Nick would let me, I’d put Jonah to bed in the twin room tonight and take him to the double with me to make a real start to this life together happen, but he won’t. He’s giving me space, and he’sgiving Jonah space to deal with everything, but I don’t need any more space. I just need them, my two guys.

I look back and find him watching us, Jonah and me. As my baby shows me the flower he made in the sand with sticks and pebbles, Nick smiles at us, and my heart skips at the affection, no, the love in his expression. I know how he feels about me, about us, and I need to show him it’s mutual.

You’re Killing MeHere, Miss

Missy

‘This better work,’ Imutter under my breath as I pack up Jonah’s things in the cabin. He and Nick went out to play in the water, and I stayed back to get ready for Cara.

When I hear the rumble of an engine approaching, I head outside to see my best friend and her man park up in his truck. Cara, having not seen me since everything with Bax happened, rushes to wrap me up in the biggest hug while Doug gets Bowie out of the truck, and they head down to Nick and Jonah.

‘How are you?’ Cara asks, holding my biceps and pushing me out to arm’s length to inspect me.

I ignore the question and nod to the cabin. ‘Come inside. I made coffee.’

I pour us two cups, then we head back out to sit on the deck, watching the men and the kids play for a few moments before we talk.

‘So…’

‘I’m okay. Really.’ I nod and turn to meet her watchful gaze. ‘Cara, I’m really okay. The night it happened, I was in shock, I think, then all this past shit came up…’

‘Past shit you never told your best friends about.’ Her words are soft, filled with nothing but love, so I reach for her hand.

‘I’m sorry. We will talk, I promise.’

She shakes her head with a small, soft smile.

‘What’s with the makeover?’ she asks, and I take a deep inhale.

‘I, well, Nick, cut off my hair because I felt like I could still feel his hands on it. Crazy, I know.’

She shakes her head. ‘Not crazy. Also, Nick did that?’

‘Yeah,’ I laugh, ‘pretty good, right?’

She nods, an impressed smirk on her face.

‘So, you two...’

‘He’s giving me a wide berth. A lot has happened, and I think he doesn’t want me to do something I’ll regret.’

‘Will you regret it?’

‘No,’ I say without hesitation and turn back to look at the man in question. ‘I want this, him, us, more than anything.’

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