Page 22 of Lyrical

Because yeah, I was giddy as hell to get some of that proof on my own pudding.

What could it hurt?

Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Fuuuuuck.

“Mom? Are you okay?”

I had my boobs in the sink, splashing cold water over them. It felt like I’d plopped them smack-dab in the middle of a stinging nettle patch.

Daniel rapped on the bathroom door. “Mom?”

“Fine,” I yelled out, trying to sound like my breasts weren’t on fire. “Just getting ready.” I scanned the back of the can again, seeing if I’d missed anything the first thousand times I’d read it.‘In case of irritation, discontinue use.’No shit, Sherlock.

He knocked again. “Mom, I need to ask a huge favor.”

I stood straight, dabbing my chest with a towel. The skin was red and pinpricked.And my tits aren’t even fucking perkier!

“Sure, what’s up?” I dumped some lotion in my hand and smothered it on. I instantly felt some cooling relief, but it stopped the moment I took my hand away.

“Dad’s car won’t start, and I need to use yours for the interview.”

Shit. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem because I worked from home unless I had a meeting—which I didn’t—but I did offer to help Chase with a class field trip. Damn car. How many times had Mike taken it into the shop? He refused to buy a new one even though he could do so easily.

“What time’s the interview?”

“Ten, but I was hoping to get down there earlier. And I have to account for traffic.”

Damn, and this is his big one in Chicago. I promised Chase, but this is a little more important. Unless….I looked at the clock: A little after seven.

“How about this? I’m helping out at Chase’s school this morning, so if you’re able to leave just a half hour later, you can drive with me, then take my car for the rest of the day. I’ll get a ride home with Chase.”

I continued putting on my makeup, keeping my eyes diverted away from the flaming lumps staring back at me through the mirror. I wanted to avoid getting dressed until the last possible second. “But if you need the car now, that’s not a problem either. This is a big deal for you.”

For me? Not so much. I wanted it because he did, but Chicago? Why couldn’t he get excited about something right in the backyard? He was quiet for a minute as I swiped on my last coat of mascara.

“No, that should be all right. Are you almost ready?”

“Yep. I’ll be out soon.”

God, I hoped I’d finally learned my damn lesson. I rubbed on more lotion, relishing the temporary relief. What I needed to do was smack them right into the snow. That sounded divine.

I could still hear Perry’s voice chattering incessantly inside my head, trying to warn me. She’d tried to take the can and hide it from me, but I did that first. Now I wish she would’ve found it. I waited a good three days before spraying it on. And I finally did so before bed the night before. It had instantly tingled, but that was a good thing according to Michelle. It meant it was working. I went to sleep dreaming of giant, firm sugar plums and woke up to two fire ant hills on my chest.

I gingerly slipped on my bra, almost desperate to go without that day, but it ended up not being as bad as I thought. In fact, the covering almost made them feel better. But if the shit didn’t clear up by the end of the day I was going to have to get it checked out. Maybe it wouldn’t be the same as walking into the clinic with a three-foot-long dildo stuck up my butt, but it was still plenty embarrassing to me.

I finished getting dressed, then tousled my hair a bit even though I’d be covering it with a hat. We were going sledding. Although I wasn’t sure how Chase could get away with that as a field trip for a music teacher.

I came out of the bathroom to find Daniel waiting in one of Mike’s old suits, bringing back a memory of finding him in the closet playing dress-up, maybe in that very one. I’d laughed so hard I’d almost peed my pants that day. The material had dripped off his arms and legs like… well, not like it looked now. That’s for sure.

“Mom, are you okay?” he asked me for the second time that day.

He definitely wasn’t that little boy anymore. He didn’t even look like a teenager. He looked like a frickin’ man. How the hell did that happen?

I shook myself out of it. “Yes, all set. You look very nice, very professional. You’re gonna do great today.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

We climbed into the car and I backed out of the garage. I couldn’t help sneaking peeks at him.

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