Page 21 of Lyrical

“That’s because he’s not, Michelle.”

“Even so, you’d better keep an eye on him, Jillian. He’s a hottie. Could be problems.”

“No, he’shandsome, and there’s not going to be any problems.” I went into the kitchen to fill a bowl of water. “Would you like any coffee?” I called out.

She followed me in, along with Perry. I hoped Sasha wasn’t scoping out potential bathroom spots in my family room. “No, thanks. How’s he been getting along with your stud? Now there’s a Latin lover if I ever saw one.”

“Just fine, Michelle.”Fine.

“Good to hear. Just better be prepared for when all those pretty girls start hanging around. They’ll be coming for Daniel, but after they notice your hot-blooded man here, it’ll just give ’em more reason to stick around, flaunt their shit.”

My mouth dropped. That hadn’t even crossed my mind. I trusted Chase without question, but the thought of that scenario weirded me out.

“Seriously, Mabel?” I’d wondered when Perry would speak up. She’d been so quiet since Michelle arrived. She gave me a ‘see, you should’ve listened to me’ look.

“Who’s Mabel?”

“Sasha,” I called out, and the little thing toddled in. I set the water down in front of her and she dove in.

“Jills has nothing to worry about with Chase. Who cares how many hot women camp out on the front lawn or stalk the house? They could run around naked and it wouldn’t matter worth shit. His eyes only look in one direction.” Perry pointed at me.

Um, thanks?

Michelle waved her hand. “Pfft. I’m not saying her beefcake’s going to stray, honey. Just saying she’d better be ready for the flockin’ young chicks.”

I was so done with the subject. “You never mentioned why you stopped by, Michelle.”

“Oh yes.” She dug through her purse and pulled out an aerosol can. “This stuff is incredible. I just had to share.”

“Ah, no thanks.” I was also done with Michelle’s miracle remedies. Between the wrinkle tape that ripped off part of my eyebrow, the DermaIce that made my face resemble dried glue, and the alleged ‘vitamin’ pills that were supposed to give me enough pep to keep up with my younger man, she was oh-for-three. But in her defense, I hadn’t actually tried the pills. They could’ve worked great… or I could’ve ended up in a psych ward. What seemed to be incredible for Michelle had the opposite effect on me.

Perry snatched the can from her hand, and her mouth went sideways. “Boob Blaster?”

Michelle took the can back and handed it to me. “Simply amazing.”

Perry crossed her arms in front of her chest like she was protecting them. “That’s a horrible name. God, why not just call it ‘Tittie Twister’ or ‘Cantaloupe Crusher’?”

“Because those names wouldn’t be accurate. It doesn’t twist or crush—it blasts them into shape. Not permanently, but if you use it enough….”

I started reading the back of the can. Words like ‘tighten’ and ‘lift’ caught my eye.

Perry grabbed it out of my hands and tried shoving it back into Michelle’s purse. “There’s no such thing,” she said.

“Yours are still pointing due north, darlin’. I wouldn’t expect you to understand yet.”

Perry just shook her head, glaring at me. I knew what she was thinking, but I really wanted to pretend that I didn’t. For an eight-months-shy of forty-year-old, my body was behaving well. Except for my boobs. They didn’t get the memo on how to play nicely with others.

Michelle set the can on the counter. “Proof’s in the pudding, ladies.”

“Jills, are you going to listen to this—”

Before I knew what was happening, Michelle had her shirt yanked up, and there was no bra in sight.Why the fuck isn’t she wearing a bra?Holy shit, what the hell is going on here?Perry recoiled, and I was a blindsided deer.

“I did a test run this morning. Just to prove that it works.” She tilted her chin down. “As you can see, Side A on the left is untreated. That thing’s hanging like a mud flap. But Side B… take a good look at that baby. Firmer, perkier. Maybe not centerfold material, but a definite improvement, wouldn’t you agree?”

Holy fuck, I would. I did not want to be there, gawking at my neighbor’s fifty-year-old breasts. I did not even want to be considering that one of her crazy products might actually work. And I definitely didn’t want to seize that bright orange can and lock myself in the bathroom before Perry could knock me upside my head.

But damn… I could not tear my eyes away. I could not ignore the difference between Side A and Side B. But I did smother that little voice trying to warn me of what could go wrong.

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