Page 55 of Volatile

He brought her so tight against him they might as well have been of one breath. It was incredibly distracting. “No, Ivy. I’m telling you this to bring you closer. I made a huge mistake in my past and it fucked me up. I acted in ways that went against the real me, and I thought I’d never be the same again because of it.” Jonathan buried his face in her neck, making her shiver. “Until you stormed into my life.”

She didn’t know exactly what he’d done to this woman, but she believed he did feel remorse for his actions. There was no reason he had to tell her any of this. So in a way, he was bringing her closer. He trusted her enough to show her his ugly side.

Ivy detached from him, needing some distance. Not because of what he’d told her, but because the heat between them was overwhelming. She lay on her back, small space separating them, and grasped his hand.

“I believe you,” she said. “Despite my doubts at first, I’m glad you told me. Thank you.”

“Then why pull away?”

She took a deep breath. “I guess my self-control must be struggling a little more than yours. I needed the breathing room in order to keep talking.”

He squeezed her hand. “Don’t think for one second that I don’t want to be inside you, Ivy. You are the ultimate test of my willpower.” He moved his thumb over her hand in long, lazy strokes. “Thank you for believing me.”

“Everyone’s done things they wish they hadn’t. It doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re not your mistakes. You of all people should know that.”

He pulled her hand to his lips, kissing it softly before resting it between them. As they lay with hands entwined, she reviewed what he’d confessed. Whatever he was like prior, that wasn’t the same man next to her now. She only felt goodness.

“I know it’s not the same, but I feel like I used Wes too.”

“How so?”

After a long pause, she forged ahead. It felt right, like they were sharing a private space no one else could violate.

“I kept him around because he was safe. It’s not as if I didn’t love him. But it wasn’t the kind of love either of us deserved. I should have let him go a long time ago, but I didn’t. I knew he’d never hurt me, and I never had to worry about him. Like I said, he was safe.”

“How long were you together?”

“Three years.”

“And your relationships before that?”

“There were a few, but nothing worth mentioning. That chemistry that everyone talks about? I always thought they were full of shit until I met you.”

He gave her hand another squeeze, and she wondered what would happen when they left this room. Everything had changed in a matter of hours, so did that mean it would also disappear just as quickly?

“I’m sure you think I’m just being stubborn,” she said, “but do you know why it’s so difficult for me to accept Lily’s interests, as you call them?”

Ivy turned on her side to face him, keeping their hands connected. He reached out and touched her face.

“You have a need to protect her. I understand that.”

“Yes, but it’s more than that. You think I’m just uninformed, but you’re wrong. I know more about this stuff than you think I do.”

“Tell me what you know.”

She tried studying his expression but didn’t get far. His fingertips were brushing against her jawbone; she wanted to tell him to stop, but it felt too damn good.

“I started working at Rig’s shortly after our mom passed. Our dad was already dead to us—he took off when Mom was still pregnant with Lily. She never talked about it. Given the differences in our looks, I often wondered... But anyway, after our mom was gone, all that was left of our family was Lily and me. She moved in with me, and I promised to give her the best life possible. That’s why I took that job. It paid very well, and we needed the money.”

“I don’t like you there, Ivy. There has to be another way.”

“There’s not, and I’ve accepted that for now.”

It was subtle, but she could see his face change, his jaw tightening. He didn’t want her working there, and she didn’t blame him. But as she told him, there was nothing she could do about it yet, unless some high-paying job miraculously popped up.

“When I first started, there was another girl who’d been there a while. Pamela. We hit it off immediately and became close friends. This was also around the time I started dating Wes. I didn’t feel that spark or even a flicker of one, but he was a nice guy, and I wanted to give him a chance.”

She closed her eyes. She hated reliving this, but she really wanted Jonathan to see her point and to start taking her more seriously when it came to Lily.

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